'AITA? My mother-in-law keeps buying gifts only for my daughter.'

"AITA? My mother-in-law keeps buying gifts only for my daughter."

My mother-in-law keeps buying gifts just for my daughter, (K 5yrs). We also have a son (B 18mo). My husband works in the same city as his parents, often they’ll give him a present to bring home for our daughter. Lately this has started to bother me because they NEVER get anything for B. I mean, he is a baby but he’d still enjoy bubbles or stickers.

The past two weeks they have sent 3 gifts to just my daughter. Today it was a full set of paintable ceramic nativity scene. I told K she needed to pick 2 of the pieces (out of 8) for B to paint because they needed to share it. She was totally fine with this.

When my husband got up (he works graves) he was excited about the nativity and asked me if K had seen it. I said “Yes, but this is one of 3 gifts she’s gotten in the last weeks and your parents haven’t gotten anything for B. I’m just a little perturbed about it.”

He said “Well B doesn’t need anything because he’s just a baby. I’m sure they want to get him something.” I kind of just brushed that off and walked away. Well when we came back from the store my husband had already left for work and the nativity is gone. I texted him asking If he took it and that I didn’t mean to insinuate that they couldn’t have it, that they had already planned to share it.

He’s now ignoring me and saying I’m in the wrong for telling his mother that she can’t give K gifts. Some background:

1- our son was “supposed” to have been named after his dad who is a 5th generation 1st boy with the same name. We decided not to name him that. That is something that we had talked about when dating, and my husband said he wasn’t fond of the name, AND we both agreed on and like B’s name. My FIL was very upset.

2- my MIL wasn’t able to have more than my husband and has been OBSESSED with my daughter from day 1. I’ve had to lay down some firm boundaries because she was signing her up for dance classes, setting up playdates with people I didn’t know, taking her to see Santa for the first time, etc etc.

3- we stopped by over the summer (kids and I stayed in the car) to pick something up. MIL came to K’s side with a big present and gushing over her. When we were about to leave husband rolled down the window on B’s side and asked his parents if they wanted to say hi.

They said no and walked back in the house. I don’t think I’m in the wrong for voicing my concerns about them playing favorites. But my husband and in-laws are treating me like I’m the problem. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Medical-Analyst486 said:

NTA. I can understand giving more to a 5 y/o because she probably has more interests and things she is able to enjoy, but 3-0? Grandma is very obviously playing favorites. But I think your husband's reaction is more concerning.

You didn't even say anything directly to his mother nor did you say she can't give presents to your daughter. There was no reason for him to take away the gift.

No_Gold3131 said:

NTA. This is concerning behavior and should be nipped in the bud. No need for either kid to notice that granny has favorites, and notice they will. Right now you can contain it but if it becomes ingrained then it will blow up someday.

If it were just the paintable nativity then I would say, well, that's very definitely not a gift for an 18 month old, and it makes sense they'd get it for a 5 year old. But it's part of a pattern and a bad one at that.

It's actually even more concerning that your husband doesn't seem to be able to grasp how this is wrong. It's his job to manage his family, and if he can't see blatant favoritism, that's a problem.

Level-Researcher5432 said:

Nta. You keep referring to your son as a baby (and I get it I still call my 9 yo my baby) but he's a toddler! He has personality and presumably walk and babbles and forms bonds and has object permanence. He's forming relationships with the people around him.

The favoritism towards his sister will eventually become a rough spot and your in laws are defining their relationship with him. He's a person that may not be able to express it but does have very big feelings. Good luck setting this boundary it's a tough one for some grandparents.

werebothsquidward said:

NTA. Given your added context, it’s obvious your in-laws are favoring your daughter for whatever reason. Your son might not notice it now, but he will start to notice it soon. I would stop accepting gifts from them.

Gray_Glacier_TDP said:

NTA but this needs to be handled by your husband, not you. It's his family and he needs to lay down the law yesterday.

Icy-Doctor23 said:

NTA but your spouse is and so are his parents.