Mother-in-law puts a stop payment on Christmas checks. 'AITA for going NC?'

"AITA for going no contact with my MIL after she placed a stop payment on our Christmas checks?"

On Christmas Eve we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse with all the family, including FIL (who loves me) and MIL (who we suspect is only with our dad for his money cuz she really acts like she can't stand being around him 90% of the time.)

We get seated and the waitress brings out our drinks. My FIL reached across me and my drink glass and grabbed some peanuts. While bringing his hand back to him a peanut fell in my drink. Nbd. I was grabbing my spoon to get it out and my FIL just reached in my glass and grabbed it. Like fingers in my drink, soda dripping from his fingers. I was stunned.

I was like, "are you serious right now? Did you just put your fingers in my drink? You literally just went to the bathroom before we sat down and now you're sticking your fingers in my drink? Omg bro that is so not ok." I wasn't loud or rude, honestly I was so stunned that he did that I was just laughing hysterically. Everyone at the table was laughing and clownin' him.

Even his wife, my MIL, was chuckling and said, "Why did you do that? Why didn't you use a spoon?" I thought everything was cool. It was funny. There was no actual harm done and I got a new drink the next time the waitress came to the table. We all laughed about it and the rest of the night went really well.

When the in-laws first got to our house, they said they were leaving in the morning after presents and breakfast with the kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. I guess I was wrong about everything being cool, because my in-laws were packed up and gone out of the house by 530 am before anyone woke up.

My partner saw his dad real quick as they were sneaking out the door and asked him what was going on? Why were they sneaking out at 530 am on Christmas morning? Weren't they gonna stay for Christmas breakfast because I worked really hard for last few days on preparing a really magical Christmas breakfast for all the kiddos and we had more family coming later for breakfast that wanted to see them.

FIL said that MIL is upset because I embarrassed her and didn't think my comment about FIL going to the bathroom before we sat down was uncalled for and said she's never been so humiliated in all her life. I'm sorry what? FIL was obviously not happy about leaving but was trying to keep the peace.

So they left and missed out on the whole day with their kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, including other family some of whom flew in for Christmas day and who the FIL and MIL hadn't seen in years. So FIL is now upset cuz MIL's tantrum made him miss meeting his great-grandkids for the first time. They live overseas so he won't be seeing them again for a few years.

FIL told MIL he no longer wants her at Christmas Eve dinners if she's going to act that way. So MIL is blaming me for FIL being mad at her. Now MIL is truly humiliated and decides to take it a step further and placed a stop payment on every Christmas check she gave to our family, our kids and our kids' kids. So, AITA for telling my partner we are going no contact with his dad's wife? Not his dad, just my looney tunes MIL.

NOTE: My partner's mom passed in 2007 and his dad remarried this lady (current MIL) a year later. She has always had a stick up her ass. She's got a massive gambling problem and my FIL's health has done nothing but decline since marrying her. We think she's purposely not helping him stay healthy to expedite his passing to get his money.

His diabetes is out of control and she's always baking him cookies, cakes, pies, breads, and candy. She's cancelled 4 different gym memberships that we've gotten him saying he's healthy as a horse and doesn't need to lose weight. He is not healthy and about 75 pounds overweight. Verdict?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

FormSuccessful1122 said:

Putting his hand in your glass was inappropriate. Talking about him taking a poo at the dinner table was inappropriate. Sneaking out in the early hours was inappropriate. Cancelling the checks was inappropriate. But what stands out to me here is your staunch defense of your FIL and how he doesn’t like any of this yet he’s supporting it.

He didn’t have to leave. He didn’t have to miss meeting his great grand kids. He chose that. And if it’s FIL’s money, as you say, he is perfectly capable of gifting you a check himself. ESH.

thirdtryisthecharm said:

You don't get to set his boundaries with his family. You can go no contact with MIL. But that might mean you stay home sometimes to avoid her. You don't get to tell him to go no contact with her.

FierceFemme77 said:

Him putting his hands in your drink was inappropriate AND you making the comment about the bathroom at the dinner table was ALSO inappropriate.

GreenDirt2 said:

You are rude. MIL is rude. Are you two having a contest?

Otherwise-Credit-626 said:

ESH. Putting your fingers in someone's drink is disgusting and not appropriate EDIT:(but it was clearly not malicious and he just wasn't thinking so he sucks the least). Talking about your FIL pooping instead of just saying it's gross and you need a new drink was uncalled for.

Sneaking out without a conversation on Christmas and stopping the checks is an over reaction. Expecting your husband to never speak to or see his step mother again over this is way too much

Todd_and_Margo said:

Dude. If you had said something that crude and disgusting at my Christmas Eve dinner, I’d have gotten up and left right then. That was trashy and absolutely uncalled for in response to an elderly gentlemen forgetting himself for a moment, especially given that the restaurant will bring you another drink.

And yes, YTA for thinking it’s acceptable to tell your partner whether he can or cannot have contact with his family. Get over yourself. And read a table manners book. And for heavens sake, stop infantilizing your FIL. He’s a grown ass man that has decided he’s ok giving away his money so he doesn’t have to cook his own food, clean his own toilet, or manage his own calendar.

It’s what A LOT of widowed men do. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows he isn’t supposed to eat sweets. He knows he’s overweight. He knew he was going to miss out on Xmas with the family. He is CHOOSING this. Get that through your head.