"AITA or my mother-in-law?"
My fiancé and I got engaged in mid 2024 and we’re planning a small wedding in Hawaii for the end of April 2026. We wanted something intimate, under 20 people, just family and a few friends.
Meanwhile his sister just turned 20 and is already planning her 21st birthday trip to Mexico for late July 2026. We hadn’t finalized wedding plans until recently since we were still sorting out finances and deciding between eloping or doing a destination wedding. Once we finally made a decision everything blew up.
His mom flat out told us it “wouldn’t work” for the family to attend. She was speaking for herself, his aunt, his sister, her boyfriend, and his sister’s dad. She said no matter what date we picked in 2026 it wouldn’t work.
No compromise, no discussion. Just “we’re prioritizing the 21st birthday because it’s a once in a lifetime moment.” She actually laughed and said it sucks she won’t be able to watch her son get married but oh well.
I told her I was hurt and needed space and mentioned I’d be doing wedding dress shopping with just a couple of close people for now. She completely lost it. She called me manipulative and narcissistic, accused me of purposely sabotaging her daughter’s birthday, and claimed I was trying to isolate her son.
Then she told me I should hear what the whole family thinks of me. According to her they all feel sorry for him, think I’m awful, and believe our relationship is doomed. This was a total shock because I’ve always been close with them. We’ve done family trips, dinners, outings and I really thought we had a good relationship.
This isn’t even the first time she’s done this. We actually share the same birthday and she always insists on only celebrating hers while ignoring mine. I always make sure to think of her but it’s never reciprocated. She also has Borderline Personality Disorder and has always been extremely hard to set boundaries with. She’ll shower people with love and gifts one day then flip and act like you’re the villain the next.
So now I’m sitting here wondering if I’m overreacting for being hurt and frustrated that our wedding is basically being dismissed for a birthday trip. Is it wrong that I just want to go no contact with her? I don’t want to ruin my fiancé’s relationship with his family but at this point I honestly don’t know how to navigate this anymore.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Outrageous-Banana905 said:
Courthouse wedding. LONG honeymoon in Hawaii! Win, win.
National_Pension_110 said:
NTA, but it’s not going to change so do yourself a favor and make peace with the way your future MIL will treat you or find a new fiancé.
Prudent-Reserve4612 said:
NTA. Your MIL sure is. She’s let you know how she feels about you, so plan your wedding without them. Feel sorry for you AND your husband.
LDsailor said:
NTA. But here is a different perspective. It may be hard to consider, but are you sure you want to marry your fiance? You marry him. You marry his family. I guarantee going "no contact" will not give you the results you think it will.
The family still has contact with your soon to be husband and if they are as horrendous as you claim, they will eventually come after you with guns fully loaded (metaphorically speaking) through him. If I were you, I'd take a step back and think the situation over.
Awkward-Bother1449 said:
ESH - You can not demand people go to a destination wedding. Your fiance should have known in advance when his sister's birthday was. And it sounds like the two of you procrastinated setting your date. Yes your MIL is a bit over the top and I'd do my best to avoid her.
olneyvideo said:
NTA - sounds like you trimmed some dead weight from your guest list. You already know she kinda sucks as a person. Get married when you and you fiancé want to, where you want to, send out invites, and if they can’t come let them know that you will miss them and but will definitely send some pics.