'My mother-in-law took my birthday cake. Should I apologize?' UPDATED

"My mother-in-law took my birthday cake. Should I apologize?"

My wife (F, 37) and I (M, 38) are from two different cultures. I am from Europe and my wife is from the Middle East. We live in Canada . My birthday was two nights ago and my wife got me a small cake, my favorite cake from my favorite bakery. My mother-in-law was at our home for dinner. We cut the cake and after dinner my wife went to put our baby to bed.

I was supposed to give MIL a ride to my sister-in-law’s place. MIL grabbed the leftover cake in the box to take with her. I asked her if she was taking the leftover cake and she said yes, for SIL and her son.

I said, “But that is my favorite cake and I was hoping to eat the leftover tomorrow.” She seemed really insulted and said that I had already had cake and that I was being petty because I was taking the cake from a five-year-old boy. I said, “Fine, take the cake.”

After I came back, I told my wife and she said it is a cultural thing. You have to share the cake and I was rude and owe MIL an apology because I made her feel bad. AITA for not wanting to apologize and thinking I deserved the leftover cake? It was a small 6 inches cake. The leftover was about half of the cake.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

IzilDizzle said:

NTA. It's pretty normal to expect the leftovers to be yours when someone brings you a birthday cake.

Particular_Title42 said:

NTA. And the kicker here is that your wife is the one who knew about the tradition and the one who bought the cake. She is TA here. She should have bought a bigger cake knowing it was your favorite. Happy Birthday.

SillyMoose25 said:

NTA - I would argue that it’s the culture of the person who the cake is for the matters the most in this scenario. It’s your birthday, your cake, your cultural expectations apply. When they have their birthdays, their cultural expectations can apply.

I would definitely not apologize and instead have a conversation with your wife about 1) birthday traditions in both cultures so you are both aware and 2) why you don’t want to apologize.

Also I’m not sure about your culture specifically, but most Western ones that I know of you ASK before taking food/leftovers from a party, you don’t just assume and grab. The host is supposed to offer it to you.

Mom2rats47 said:

You do not owe MIL an apology. Did MIL buy it? Nope Did SIL attend? Nope. Not a fan of this “cultural” thing or “MIL entitlement” thing. Your birthday. Your cake. Go buy yourself another one and enjoy every last bite!

Later, OP updated the post to include:

I talked to my wife last night and told her that that I’ve decided not to have a birthday cake anymore. It seems to cause so much drama, so it’s easier if we just go to the bakery together, have a coffee, and share a slice of cake on the day instead. Thank you for your input.

Here's what people had to say to OP about the update:

Jerseygirl2468 said:

Maybe celebrate your birthday when MIL is not in your home.

BlitheCheese said:

Perhaps your wife should purchase two birthday cakes and hide one in the back of the refrigerator. That way, your mother-in-law can feel like she's "winning," and you can eat an entire 6-inch cake over the next couple of days.

sqeeky_wheelz said:

Have your birthday, get your cake, celebrate WITHOUT your MIL. Why was she even invited?? Invite your folks or friends if you want but your in-laws are not obligated to barge into every detail of your life.

Altruistic_Isopod_11 said:

Dang, that sucks. Honestly I would not have apologized either. It's your birthday cake, you should get to decide if you even want to give it away. MIL rude AF.

Nude-genealogist said:

That is a terrible idea. You suffer so her mother doesn't feel bad.