Dad refuses to attend daughter's wedding after funding $22K 'breakup photoshoot.' AITA?
"AITA for going on a motorcycle trip with my friends instead of my daughter's wedding?"
Some quick context. Last year I was told my daughter was getting married in 2025. I immediately supported this decision and was there every step of the way. Following tradition I gave her 4500 for help with venue payment.
During the planning process they changed from a local wedding to a destination wedding in puerto rico and forwarded the timeline a year to last fall giving me a year less to pay for the wedding. Now I had to pay for flights and accommodations for people.
Reservations for air Bnb were made and purchased and tickets were bought. Then they broke up over some pretty immature reasons. I was stuck with the bill. I tried for refunds but was told the trip was going ahead for "revenge" photos to make him feel bad. So that and because my wife and step kids are puerto Rican I said fine. In total that trip cost me $22,500.00.
Shortly after that trip I was invited to ride through glacier national park with some buddies. I figured we'll ive paid for multiple trips to Disney as well as multiple trips for people to go to puerto rico so sure I think I earned it. My buddies and I planned for this September.
My daughter left about 4 months ago to go back to her man and didnt say a word to me. We haven't talked once since she left. Zero explanation or call. The other day she showed up at the house and told me matter of factly that the wedding is back on and I needed to be there. It was going to be on Thursday 9/11.
I told her I can't make it i had prepaid plans already. She said your really going to miss my wedding. I told her I was there for the first one. She said there wasn't one. I said not according to my bank account. She walked off and now I apparently am the AH?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA your daughter is going about the planning all wrong. She should be working with you to decide on a date, to ensure the most important people are able to attend. Also, Thursday 9/11? I can’t help to feel that’s a poor date choice, and mid week!
It sounds like this too is going to be a gigantic toxic disaster so the date seems perfect.
I guess at the weekends they didn't get a venue at such a short term. Maybe no priest or something like that was free either. If OP lives in the US, even more reasons to believe 9/11 might have been chosen, because that date was not fully booked out already.
Am I the only one getting red flags from this already failed relationship sealing the deal on Thursday, 9/11? Honestly, I was so ready to call you an AH until I read all this. Go have fun with your friends. NTA. If she’s lucky, you can FaceTime in for the ceremony.
NTA. You’ve already been supportive and covered the cost for one venue, and attended a non-wedding destination revenge party for her and this dude. At some point she needs to accept some responsibility in your absence and understand that it isn’t malicious, but you do have a right to your own life. This wedding whiplash nonsense has gone on long enough.
NTA but that’s not really the relevant question, it’s do you want to be present for your daughters wedding? Because if you’re not then that’s going to be another wedge in what seems a very troubled relationship between you guys.
Dude you paid for a wedding, just because it didn't happen doesn't change the fact that you were there for her completely. Now she's sneak attacking you with a date? Is she going to be mad at everyone else who already had plans? NTA.
"My daughter left about 4 months ago to go back to her man and didnt say a word to me. We haven't talked once since she left. Zero explanation or call. The other day she showed up at the house and told me matter of factly that the wedding is back on and I needed to be there."
OP. You are CAPTAIN NTA. How in heck is your daughter gonna go no contact and not tell you she got back with her man and all of a sudden the wedding is on? Your daughter is CAPTAIN AH. She made her bed and pooped in it. Now she has to clean it up.
NTA. You already paid a lot of money. They broke up over ‘immature reasons’, yet your daughter said the expensive trip is still on for revenge (also immature and short sighted and with your wallet). Then you don’t hear from her for months until she shows up, tells you the wedding is in one month and you must be there. Too bad.
Giving anyone such short notice on a wedding is ridiculous. And pretending to forget everything that only just recently happened. If she wants you there, she should reschedule. People generally at the very least ask immediate family if a certain date works or not.
NTA. Giving everyone a months notice for a wedding is way too short, and many family and friends will not make it because of other plans, working, or not wanting to waste money after her first attempt to get married.
What does your daughter's mother make of this? Does she support this nonsense? Like other commentators said, how the hell do you get a venue and church at such short notice?
I was ready to say you are from the title, but you’re NTA. She squandered her first shot at a wedding, drained your bank account, ghosted you, then popped up ready to repeat the mistake with next to no notice.