'AITA for moving out after my mom announced her pregnancy?'
"AITA for moving out after my mom announced her pregnancy?"
I'm 22F, my mom is 37, and I have 3 younger siblings F14, F7 and M4. Me and the 2nd oldest have different dads from each other and the other 2. They and this upcoming baby all have the same dad, our stepdad. I'm sorry if that was confusing. There are 3 dads in total but only our stepdad is involved now.
I was the babysitter and "mom" growing up. When my sister was born I magically became mom despite not even being double digits. When the others came I still was mom. I didn't get to have fun, go out, or be a kid. My job in the house was to cook, clean, raise my siblings and deal with our mom.
She was incredibly immature growing up and loved to drink, party, spend money on luxuries and not be a mom. She acts more like a mom now but a lot of the work still falls on me. She robbed my of my childhood and I'm very bitter about it.
The only reason I lived at home for so long was because no one would/could take me in and I felt that I could tolerate it all for free rent and food. It was a good deal for me then, but I'm 22 now. I'm done being a mom when I don't even have kids.
Last year my stepdad's parents died in a car accident and as their only child he got everything. We all moved into their home and got a bit of money under our belts so I guess they decided to have a baby. When my mom announced it I asked if she was serious.
She confirmed and asked me if I still had my diaper changing skills as a joke. I was silently livid. I dryly laughed and found some roommates online that night. The thought of wasting another 10+ years raising my siblings sounded like Hell.
She found out that I'm planning on leaving come August and now she's irate calling me every name under the sun and selfish. She got my siblings involved and the youngest is crying asking why I don't love them anymore and why I'm leaving. It's really low to use kids like that and it hurts.
I don't want to stay but I don't want them to cry. I know I'm doing the right thing for myself but is it the right thing for them? My mom never really parented growing up. She wouldn't, so I took over that role. I was the one who changed diapers and taught them their ABCs and all that. I was the one who cooked dinner and bathed them.
I look at none of my siblings as siblings but as my own kids because that's what they basically are. I don't think she'll be able to do a good job. She and my stepdad rely on me heavily in that category. AITA for leaving? I need advice on how to get over this feeling and move on.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
No leave now… it’s getting way manipulative and your mom seems like the queen of making poor choices as it is. Like Jesus. Run for you life remain in contact with your siblings but it’s not your obligation to be a mother to your moms kids.
Edit: You need to point out it’s time for her to grow the f^%$ up and be a parent that by the sound of it you never had.
Even-Breath9368 OP responded:
I agree with her being the queen of bad decisions. When I was born I could excuse it because she was so young and needed guidance. My grandparents (her parents) were permissive and let her do whatever she wanted with little to no consequences. It was really fun when I was a kid kid because, well, no rules.
I moved a lot growing up into her boyfriends houses and stayed with her friends frequently when she went out to party. Eventually, as you might expect, I learned that that wasn’t fun and that I wanted my mom. I would cry and she’d push me aside because she just didn’t want to be a parent.
She’s doing a lot more now like I said in my post but it’s obvious she has no idea what kids are really like. She sees them sort of as decoration because they were always shoved at me. She knows she’s going to have a world of Hell waiting for her once I’m gone.
I’m sorry OP that you had a bad mother. Her mother was a bad mother too. At least the cycle of stupidity is stopping with you. You were forced to grow up sooner than your years. You were absolutely robbed of your childhood.
Make her pay and let her feel the consequences of her bad decisions. She hasn’t learned a thing. Report her to CPS.
You tell the kids "I love you in my heart, no matter what, always." And you leave because you deserve a life that is not being a domestic servant to your mother's failed birth control philosophy.
You being parentified at such a young age is a form of abuse. Sit down with your 14F sister and explain what happened to you, and that she can't let it happen to her. Your mom will come after her next.
It would be a very good idea to get a therapist to help you reframe exactly how badly you have been treated and why you need to leave. You can't help the other kids, really, until you help yourself first.
Even-Breath9368 OP responded:
I thought about my sister a lot as well which is what makes this so hard. I took the brunt of everything so she wouldn’t have to. I wanted her to be a kid. 14 is way too early to be a parent and I know that that’s what will happen to her.
I know that she’ll just do what she’s told and she’s responsible enough to realize when things aren’t working and she’ll try to fix them herself and fall into that trap.
I don’t know how to have that conversation with her without my household exploding but I know that it needs to be done. My two little siblings have just been crying and crying thinking that I’m never coming back. Even though I tell them that I’ll come visit, my mom keeps telling them that I’m never coming back and abandoning the family.
Run. Run away. Reclaim your youth!