"AITA for not wanting to move my wedding date because my sister is pregnant?"

So I’m in a bit of a weird situation, my fiancé and I aren’t the most traditional and wanted to have our wedding as more of a family vacation with the bonus of a wedding. My parents have a beautiful lake front house that we decided to have our wedding at.

When we were initially planning our wedding and figuring out dates, I wanted to have it on June 26th. The 26th was important to us because that’s the day my fiancé and I first met, but when speaking it over to my family, my sister said no because she already had a vacation on that date. I was sad but it wasn’t the end of the world so we decided on June 4th to June 9th.

Everything was working out perfectly, I let both of our families know to put our wedding down for those date and started wedding planning! It was all perfect until last night. I got a FaceTime from my dad who showed me the ultrasound and I was SUPER excited!! All of the congratulations, jumping around because I’m going to be an auntie!!! Im so so so excited for them and for my future niece or nephew!

But it all came crashing down when I asked my sister when she is due and she said “May 1st so we’re going to have to talk about you’re wedding.” I assumed she just meant that she wasn’t going to be able to be in attendance. So I told them that it’s okay we can just FaceTime them in and her jaw dropped, then my mom said we can just push it back to September.

I knew my emotions would get the best of me so I said we can talk about it later so we went back to congratulations and thinking of baby names. After the call I can’t lie I had a bit of a breakdown. I already moved my dates once to accommodate my sister which was fine. But after 7 months of planning our wedding around this date and having my fiancé family plan around it I don’t want to change it again.

Unfortunately I know my family and they will push for me to move it and will disrespect my decision not to. I know traveling with a new born baby is going to be hard which is why I offer up FaceTiming her in but it seems like that’s offensive to them to not want my sister to be present at the wedding.

I feel so insanely guilty about being upset over having to change my wedding dates because my sister is pregnant. She’s bringing a beautiful new family member into our lives but I’m still a bit heart broken that if I don’t change the wedding date that I will be seen as inconsiderate and an a$$hole in my family. So AITA for not wanting to push back my wedding because my sister is pregnant?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

KoolAid1349 said:

NTA I’d move it back to the 26th because that’s the day that matters to YOU AND YOUR FIANCÉ. Now she’ll only want to go if she can bring the baby or she’ll probably try and get you to move it even further saying “so she’s not traveling with a new born.”

Obviously people are going to be upset no matter what you do or don’t do but all that really matters is you and your fiancé because the moment y’all are married you’re each others main priorities and no one else should matter when it comes to what you both want.

2_old_for_this_spit said:

NTA. "Sis, I understand if you won't be able to attend. We will miss you." This is YOUR wedding. You have already changed your date once. Don't do it again. You've had your heart set on a June wedding, so that's what you should have. Everyone thinks you should change your plans to suit everyone else, but why couldn't your sister change her vacation to suit you?

dawgpoundma said:

Tell us our sister is the golden child without saying it

And OP responded:

My sister is the golden child of the family, it’s not really a secret or tried to be hidden. She’s extremely involved in the family (visits them every weekend) while I live across the country so I only visit them typically once a year but do FaceTime them regularly. My parents are also very money driven and my sister is a doctor in comparison to my brother and I who do trades.

She’s the definition of the perfect child. She also typically plans all trips, vacations, or outings for my family because she’s extremely type A and likes to have control situations. She’s a bit stubborn and likes things her way or not at all, we’ve always just gone with it because it’s easier. I expected my wedding to be the line but I guess not.

curlyq9702 said:

NTA - remind the family that it’s not just your family that’s being impacted by their push to move the dates & that Those specific dates are the only ones that work for BOTH sides. Then tell them that no, you will not move the dates to accommodate your sister Again, since you already did it once.

And OP responded:

I plan on speaking to them soon about it and putting my foot down on my date. I wanted to give it some time to let emotions settle because my parents did just find out that they’re going to be grandparents for the first time and seem to want to protect and side with her. I also spoke to my brother about it and he is on my side.

I asked him to be there during the conversation to try and explain things from my point of view if my emotions do get the best of me. Moving my wedding to September is out of the question because it won’t work for my fiancés family with school schedules and they have already been planning around the current date.

A few days later, she shared this update:

So a lot has happened in the past few days. I called my brother the day after I made my post, he understood where I was coming from and told me that I should absolutely not change my wedding date.

So since I was worried about speaking to my mom and being ganged up on we planned on when to speak to my mom about not wanting to change my fiancés and I’s wedding dates so he could be there to talk to my mom on my behalf in my emotions got the best of me.

That didn’t happen, my mom called me the next day to talk it over. I informed her that I was not going to change my wedding date and she was upset initially but surprisingly receptive to it, I was extremely happy about that until she said “you need to talk to your sister about this because she’s not going to be happy about being forced out 1 month postpartum.”

I explained i wasn’t expecting/forcing her to be in attendance, then my mom said no she’s coming to your wedding I don’t care if she’s a new mom. After that i got in a bit of an argument with my mom about her forcing my sister to do something that isn’t the best for her and her future family.

I ended hanging up on her (I don’t take being spoken to in a harsh tone easily and will tell the other person to take a minute to reevaluate their tone and come back.) During the call she also let slip that she was also extremely disappointed in me for going to my brother for support instead of her and said I was just creating family drama for no reason.

It is what it is, I needed a family prospective which is why I called my brother. I ended up trying to call my sister the next day, which was declined. So I texted her and informed her that I would not be changing my wedding dates(it was a lot longer of a text explains reasons and emotions).

She replied a day later with “you and I both know that you’re wedding dates aren’t officially set and the only factor would be communicating the change to fiancés family. I hope the hassle is worth having my and your literal niece or nephews presence.”

I explained that I have already ordered/put money down on multiple things as well as having my fiancés family planning/ accommodating around this date for 7 months. She was not receptive in my opinion and said “There are really no excuses. You have the power to move the date even just a little later in the summer to include me and you’re choosing not to. That hurts.”

I ended up responding that i'm not choosing to not have her at my wedding but understand she may not be able to come and will have to FaceTime in instead. As well as explain that I already moved my wedding date once to accommodate her. I asked her to try to put herself in my shoes and how she would’ve felt if I asked to push back her wedding.

She replied “I would’ve moved my date in a heartbeat. That’s the difference between us.” At that point I decided to offer up pushing it back to the 26th of June(as some comments said to see if she would still be going to her previously planned vacation) which thank god i did because she told me she couldn’t do the 26th as she’s still going to go on her vacation (20 DAYS AFTER MY WEDDING).

I’m not the most knowledgeable about babies (since I don’t have one and have only known my bffs baby) but I don’t feel like they’re a huge difference between traveling with a one month old and a one and a half month old. So that solidified in my mind that she doesn’t care about me/ my fiancé or our feelings but still expects everyone to accommodate to her.

At this point as per my fiancés advice I’m putting it in the F it drawer in my head and I’m not going to stress about it anymore because everyone knows the date is set. If my family would like to show up to my wedding that would be amazing but if not I’m not going to be upset. At the end of the day this will just show me who to prioritize as family in my life, because family is not always blood.