"AITA for moving my son into the basement?"
When my ex-wife and I got married, we bought the house my new wife and I currently live in. During the divorce proceedings I bought her out of the house. It is a four bedroom house. The basement was my ex-wife's sewing room. When she moved out, I turned it into a game room.
My wife and I are pregnant. We sleep in the master bedroom. My daughter sleeps in the downstairs bedroom. My son and her son both have rooms upstairs. We asked both boys if either would be interested in moving into the basement. My son said yes and asked if he can have a redecorating budget. I said yes and allocated him $500.
My ex-wife, when she found out about him moving into the basement, threw a fit. She is threatening to take me back to court. She said the basement isn't fit for human habitation (not true) and that I am turning our son into Cinderella.
She called me sobbing and begged me not to "force" "her baby" into "that horrible place". I explained that he volunteered to move down there, and she says we manipulated him into it.
The basement is bigger than any room in the house, including the master bedroom. Our plan for if neither boy wanted to move into the basement was to move in ourselves.
It is colder than the rest of the house, but my son is always complaining that he is hot in the summer and wanting to crank the AC. Also we would buy a space heater if he wanted one (keep in mind, we're talking a few degrees colder).
I think my ex is being ridiculous, and her threats of court are not grounded in reality. However, it's not about her. It's about the kids. Is it an AH move to ask someone to volunteer to move into the basement? It's no worse than any other room in the house, except the windows are high up and the temperature is slightly lower.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
If he's a teen he's likely ecstatic he gets a whole floor to himself like his own apartment.
Does the basement have the proper windows for exit during an emergency? Is it moldy? Proper ventilation? If everything is fine, then move him. If not, no one should have a bedroom in the basement.
NewEmergency5943 (OP)
It has multiple exits. It's the game room right now, and none of the furniture or board game boxes have taken any moisture damage. Nor did my ex's sewing stuff when it was here.
Make sure that it’s code compliant and you’re golden. But yeah proper egress and air quality monitoring are a must.
Please make sure the windows down there have enough space for an escape route. I am a realtor and if there is no basement egress, that’s extremely dangerous. How would he escape if a fire broke out. Other than that I lived in my parent’s basement as a young adult after moving back in for a year during my divorce. It was amazing.
NTA for sure. The only thing I suggest, is to check for Radon before fully moving him in. Radon is the second leading cause of lung cancer, after smoking, and because there usually isn’t enough ventilation in basements (and it comes from the ground) it gets trapped there. It’s an easy fix if there is radon there so it’s still not a dealbreaker.
It sounds like your ex is furious you and your new wife are having a baby together and is using her son's transition to the basement as her vehicle to harass you.
I wish I had a basement to live in when I was a teenager. What teenage boy doesn’t want that privacy and also if he wanted to do it then it’s fine. It’s what he wants. Your ex wife is just bitter and wants drama because she is in her feelings about the new addition to the family…. Btw congratulations!
To put your mind (more) at ease about your wife's threat, simply call your local fire department and ask if they'd certify your basement bedroom as habitable. The issue is escape capability if the upper floors are on fire. There was to be a window 'egress' that is operable and large enough for a person to easily escape from.
INFO: Does the basement meet the legal requirements to be used as a bedroom? Specifically, are there 2 exits? One would need to be a door and at the minimum of at least 1 egress window. If it doesn't, you cannot have your son sleep in the basement.
NewEmergency5943 (OP)
There's the door to the house. There's the cellar style door, where you walk up a few steps and it opens out into the yard. And yes, he can easily get through the windows.
Spoiler alert: she wants to take you back to court anyway. This is just her excuse. You probably already have an idea of what she really wants. Get your ducks in a row. Oh, and I am another kid who jumped at the chance to move into a bigger room in the basement as a teenager.
I am also certain that if I had a basement, two of my kids would jump at the chance to move into it. My oldest would have ran to his room immediately upon being given the offer and started moving things. Younger brother would have ran to the basement to start measuring and planning how to get his things down to the basement. And yes, I would also have received an angry phone call from my ex.
This was easy. NTA. If it wasn't one of the boys, it would be you guys! I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, I was voluntold that I had to go to my step-great-grandmother's funeral. I was crammed into the backseat of my mom's Blazer between the door and my brother's car seat for the ride from Arizona to Missouri.
When we got to St. Luis, we hopped across the bridge to my great aunt & uncle's place in Illinois. They gave me a choice: either the couch upstairs in the living room, or I could reside in the finished basement that week. Guess what I chose?