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Heartbroken wife shamed for moving on 6 weeks after husband of 14 years leaves her. AITA?

Heartbroken wife shamed for moving on 6 weeks after husband of 14 years leaves her. AITA?

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"AITA for moving on so quickly after my husband left me?"

LogicalBlueberry5

My (47F) husband (47M) asked for a separation on our 14th anniversary, while we were away in a foreign country to celebrate. While we weren’t as close as we used to be, we almost never fought and generally enjoyed each others company and families. We do not have any children.

The night before our anniversary, he brought up he wasn’t very happy in the relationship but didn’t know why. The next morning, I asked to see his phone and he said no.

He said I would find “flirty” messages with one or more other women on it. He had made some female friends through school and work and he said felt like there might be someone out there who was a better fit for him.

I said I did not want to do a trial separation, as I don’t believe you can work on something if you aren’t living together. If he wanted to separate it would be final. He understood but said it was something he HAD to do.

After being away for only 2 days, we rescheduled our flights home, flew home and he packed some belongings and left. 7 days later he asked to come home and we started marriage counseling. He had a lot of trouble admitting he had at least one emotional affair.

The counseling was not helpful, he was defensive and not open to it. I suspect something physical happened with the other woman but I do not have any proof. He had deleted all his “flirty” texts, Snapchat, etc so I could not see them.

After 4 weeks of living together again and attending counseling sessions, he decided he no longer wanted to try to save the marriage and he was leaving. He packed up and left a few hours later.

He stayed with a friend, found a new apartment and signed a one year lease. I was devastated and even had to take time off work to process what had happened and attend individual counseling.

After a 4 weeks, I started to feel a bit better. I went out for drinks with a group of four coworkers that live in my area and found I really enjoyed one of them (42M) a lot. I had only met him over Zoom before this.

We started seeing each other a couple times a week. Quite quickly it grew into a truly amazing, loving relationship. I’ve stayed in counseling throughout as it wasn’t easy to process the sudden ending of my long term marriage at the same time as beginning something new. It’s been about 7 months now.

My ex-husband eventually decided he wanted to try to save the marriage again, but I declined. He says I’m TA for starting a new relationship so quickly (within 6 weeks of him leaving).

Our relationship was over as I can no longer trust him, and he has hurt me immensely. I do not want a relationship with someone I cannot trust. Am I TA for moving on?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

RandomReddit9791

NTA. He left you twice. I guess you were supposed to just sit around wallowing in tears while he went off doing whatever and whoever until he he was ready to come back to you.

Remarkable-Fold-4375

NTA. He literally said he felt there would be a better woman for him somewhere. He’s cheated on you probably multiple times so he doesn’t have the right to be mad at you for moving on when he couldn’t even stay faithful to you. He can’t try to get rid of you and want you again.

Asleep_Koala_3860

Sucks for him. NTA.

BombshellJamboree

Gosh, if only he hadn’t cheated, broke up with you on your anniversary, quit therapy, broke up with you again, moved out, got a divorce. Yeah. This is all your fault. NTA. Go live your best life.

OoohItsAMystery

NTA. He wanted the separation. He didn't want to fight for you... He doesn't deserve you. He missed his shot.

FairyFartDaydreams

NTA your husband sounds like one of those idiots who wants and open marriage basically to cheat and then gets shocked when the partner finds a better partner.

Zestyclose-Sky-1921

NTA. Consider the source. You (hopefully) wouldn't care if some random Karen called you an AH for moving on so fast. Why are you worried about the opinion of someone who is a cheating, stupid, and blind piece of trash?

HarlotteHoehansson

NTA under no circumstances should you let him come back. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, then he gets there and realizes he isn't as desirable as he thinks he is. You on the other hand are in the prime of your life, enjoy yourself.

jimmyb1982

NTA. Your husband left you. What are you supposed to do? Sit around and see if he wants to get back together? Whomever he was seeing dumped him. Tough cookies. I hope you find happiness, OP. UpdateMe!

Alfred-Register7379

NTA. This is exactly what he wanted....but also to keep tabs on you, so you won't move on quicker than he can. Jokes on him. He had a really good marriage, until he got idol hands.

Freespiritgirl1234

NTA. What is it that they say on here? Play stupid games get stupid prizes. I think your husband is pissed because it didn’t turn out the way he thought it would ( which in my experience it never does) that he would find a new amazing relationship but instead you did.

He screwed up and just needs to deal with the consequences. Maybe next time he won’t take his relationship for granted and realize that for things to get better you have to make them better, instead of running away.

Traditional-Neck7778

NTA, There was no overlap. You didn't cheat. Your husband made the decision to talk to other women and left you. You moved on. Hope this new guy treats you better. You did nothing wrong. Don't let your husband manipulate you into feeling bad or giving him another chance. It is over.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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