'AITA for moving on with my ex after my best friend rejected me?' UPDATED

"AITA for moving on with my ex after my best friend told me she didn’t want me?"

I (24M) have been friends with “Chloe” (23F) for 5 years. She’s always been there for me, so when she planned to visit me a few months ago, I was excited to finally hang out.

Before the trip she admitted she’d had feelings for me for 3 years. We ended up hooking up while she was here. By the end of the visit, I told her I had real feelings and wanted to see if something could come from it. She told me no, she just wanted to stay friends. I was hurt, but I respected it.

A month later she came back saying she “couldn’t hide it anymore” and wanted to try. We started talking, but it never became a relationship. She was going through family drama, lost her job, bouncing between couches. I even asked if being with me was too much for her right now and she agreed it was better to stay friends. So I let it go again.

I had even planned a trip to fly out and see her for my birthday to see if she was serious, but she cancelled on me. Twice. Meanwhile, she was chatting with her old flings, which I didn’t care about since she told me we were just friends.

Not long after, my ex (22F) reached out. We’d ended on okay terms, so we started talking. I told her I wanted to take things slow. Out of respect, I told Chloe immediately. She got mad, ghosted me, then came back still sending flirty messages. At one point, after saying she didn’t want a relationship, she texted “but I miss you and your bed.”

So I moved forward with my ex. When I mentioned spending time with my ex and her family, Chloe exploded. She accused me of leading her on, said I was “choosing someone else over her,” then cut me off. The next day she was reposting TikToks like “when he makes you cry like this."

Thing is, I never lied, never hid anything. I asked her multiple times to clarify what she wanted, and she told me twice she didn’t want a relationship. I respected her decision every time. She’s the one who flip-flopped, cancelled trips, flirted after telling me no, and then got mad when I moved on. So, AITA for moving on after she made it clear she didn’t want me?

TL;DR: Best friend admitted feelings, but told me twice she didn’t want a relationship. Cancelled on me twice, still sent flirty texts like “I miss you and your bed.” I told her immediately when I started talking to my ex again. When I moved on, she blew up and cut me off. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

No_Jaguar67 said:

Chloe don’t really want you, dude.

TakeAJokey88 said:

This is a joke right? Not trying to be disrespectful but huh?

She was definitely playing her options out…the periods of flirting with you heavy, then silence- repeating speaks volumes. She doesn’t really like you my man, not a good “friend” either. Forget her.

OP responded:

Yeah, I guess I just really believed her when she said she’d had feelings for me all those years.

DetroitSmash-8701 said:

NTA. She doesn't actually want YOU; she wants the dopamine rush she gets from the attention from you.

MasalaChaiSpice said:

She doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.

OP responded:

Yeah, that’s kinda how it felt, but I kept thinking maybe I was reading it wrong.

Nine days later, OP shared this update:

So I didn’t expect my original post to blow up the way it did, but thank you to everyone who commented! It actually helped me put a lot in perspective. A lot of you said Chloe just wanted attention and to keep me as a backup, and… after this week, I can’t even argue with that.

Here’s what went down: A few days ago I’m on my lunch break (literally driving to Culver’s) when Chloe calls me out of nowhere. I let it go to voicemail. Against my better judgment I called back and asked if she meant to. She said no, she was actually trying to call another friend whose name is “right next to mine.” I said no problem, she wished me a good day, and that was that.

Except it wasn’t. About an hour later, she calls again. I ignore it, text “another accident?”, she doesn’t answer, but then calls me AGAIN. This time I picked up. She tells me, “I don’t like this game, I know I probably hurt your feelings. I’m not mad at you, just the situation.”

I said yeah, I was hurt, she threw away a 5-year friendship over a mess she created and strung me through. She said she understood, then hung up because her mom was calling. Not even five minutes later, she texts me. Says she can’t call again but can text. Then drops this bomb: “When I said I loved you it wasn’t in a friend way.”

I reminded her that I told her multiple times I had feelings too, and SHE’S the one who wanted things “back to normal” and later told me a relationship was “too much.” I laid it out: she rejected me twice (honestly three times if you count when I asked straight up if we were just friends and she said yes, about a month and a half ago).

Her reply? “I bet you have a whole new girl and never even liked me in the first place.” (Not true at the time, and I did have feelings for her truly.) So I asked: how can she be mad at me for moving on when I was literally doing what she asked me to do? I told her if anything, we should have kept it at a friendship level to avoid all the mixed signals. She fires back: “I don’t wanna be friends.”

I asked why she reached out at all. Her answer: “Because I didn’t know if you would ever give it a chance.” So I spelled it out clearly: I DID give it a chance. Multiple times. She said no. Thrice told me she didn’t want a relationship. Twice cancelled trips I planned to see her. At that point, I had no choice but to move on.

I told her my decision is final, I’ve moved on, and I wished her the best. She replied: “Please no.” But I stood firm, told her I respect her, I wish her well, but I’m not going back. So yeah… this confirmed everything you guys warned me about. She wanted me as an option, not as a choice. And the second I stopped playing along, she couldn’t handle it.

TL;DR: Chloe “accidentally” called me, then admitted her “I love you” wasn’t friendly. I reminded her she rejected me thrice, cancelled on me twice, and told me we were just friends. When I moved on, she admitted she just wanted to keep the door open “in case.” I told her my decision is final and wished her the best. She replied “please no.”