'AITA for moving out because my dad got back with his ex and was planning to move her in with us?'
"AITA for moving out because my dad got back with his ex and was planning to move her in with us?"
My dad and Claire (both 40s) have a long-ish history together. They dated when I (19M) was 6/7 after my parents separated for a while. Then my parents got back together and Claire was gone.
But then my mom died and dad and Claire got back together when I was 12. They dated for two ears. She and I had our issues. So did her and my grandparents, her and my aunt and her and my uncle (all paternal relatives).
One of our issues was she expected us to be willing babysitters for her because of her and dad's relationship. But she also called my mom a horrible names I won't repeat because mom was dating someone else when dad and Claire were together the first time and then mom got back with dad. Why that only made mom a wrong and not dad is something she never answered but it was an issue we had with each other.
At the worst we ended up arguing and I told her she would never be my mother and I would never treat her or her children as my family so she needed to get out of my business. My dad told Claire that she couldn't try to parent me because I was right, she wasn't my mother and we didn't even know each other that well. Her and dad broke up after that.
11 weeks ago I found out my dad and Claire were back together and he was planning to move her in with us. She was trying to wrap up her job and figure stuff out with her kids' school before moving in with us.
Dad and I argued about it because he didn't tell me. I had to overhear him talk to her about it on the phone. He told me I didn't need to look so disgusted at the thought, because I know I looked disgusted at the thought of living with her.
So I spoke to both sets of grandparents and my maternal grandparents said I could move in with them. My dad found out when I started packing. He asked me not to leave and he told me we could find a way to make all of us work as a family.
I told him I wasn't willing to work on that and that I refuse to be Claire's family and I refuse to be her kids' babysitter. I told him he wants to be with her and that is a decision he's allowed to make. But that I would not pay toward a household (I paid a couple of bills and threw in money for groceries every week) where she lives so I'm moving somewhere else.
I moved out and Claire and her kids moved in last week. My dad hoped I would come around but I didn't. We spent Thanksgiving apart for the first time ever. My paternal grandparents refused to spend Thanksgiving with Claire as well so my dad was upset.
He told me my room was still waiting for me and to please come home because he misses me. I told him I loved him but I couldn't be around Claire. Dad told me it felt like I moved out to punish him for trying again with Claire and there was never any rush for me to move out. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You're an adult who can choose to live wherever you want. Not to mention choosing not to live in a potential war zone.
NTA. Claire doesn't respect you or your boundaries and she clearly never will. Your dad knew it was an issue or he would have been upfront about it. That's an AH move right there, trying to present you with a done deal with no time or chance to make a choice.
Moving out seems totally reasonable. Obviously it's not so unreasonable that his parents want anything to do with her either. If his own family all hate her - it's not you, it's her. Start your new life and let them start theirs. You're not required to live with your dad to have a relationship with him. But you don't have to be forced into one with Claire.
Definitely NTA. Your father didn’t even have the decency to discuss this with you before he made these plans with Claire. You should not have to live with Claire and her kids if you don’t want to. Your father had every right to do what he did but now he has to live with the consequences. It doesn’t sound like they have a very healthy relationship and I do worry about Claire’s kids but they aren’t your problem.
NTA but you need to be clear with your dad that you moved out because you know you will never be prioritized as he’s the type of man to chose a girlfriend over family. You should also tell him that if he better not have the audacity to claim that because y’all are family you should forgive him as he doesn’t even even spend the holidays with his family.
Good for you. Your father didn’t have the decency to discuss moving Claire into the family home along with her children. Claire had no business calling your mother a wh*re or anything else.
She set the stage for all of you not to be one happy family. Her words were enough to alienate you from her. I am happy that you are now living with your grandparents. Maybe in time your relationship with your Dad and Claire will heal. It will be up to both of them to make amend with you.
NTA. your dad is able to make whatever decisions about his life that he wants in the exact same way that you are. Just because your decision doesn’t align with what he wanted is his problem.
NTA. Your dad knew how you felt, that's why he kept it so quiet. And he has to see that it's not you, it's Claire -- even his own family members are refusing to spend time with her. If ignorance is bliss, then he just wants to be blissful.