"AITA for moving out without notice because my BFF’s girlfriend is awful?"

I apologize for the long post but there is a lot of background drama that led to the conflict. Three years ago, I (21F) moved in with my best friend Anna (24F) to a house that she owned, and I rented from her. Both Anna and I are lesbians but never had any romantic feeling for each other (we aren’t each other’s type) and more just a sisterly bond.

After a couple months, Anna started dating a girl (19F) named Lexi. She was very immature, uneducated, confrontational, possessive, and controlling. I didn’t think she was a very good fit for Anna and all our mutual friends agreed but I know you can’t tell people who to love.

Very soon after they started dating without talking to me, Lexi started living with us 5-6 days a week (other days she lived with her parents) and was not paying rent or any utilities. Lexi would control who Anna could hangout with, what she could wear, and even tried to police who I had over to the house.

The real conflict started when I also got into a relationship. Brooke (25F) and I started dating soon after we met. Lexi HATED Brooke and every time she came over, Lexi would say rude things, or just completely ignored her. Lexi thought Brook was secretly trying to “Steal” or “Tempt” Anna whenever she was over and told Anna she could not interact with Brooke what’s so ever.

Because of this Brooke never felt comfortable coming over to my place. This frustrated me, however despite everything I still liked living with my best friend. When the pandemic happened, our city got put on lockdown and the rules were for a household of two individuals, each person could have contact with one other person outside of the household.

Anna and Lexi would hangout with each other, friends, and parents, but Lexi convinced Anna that if I wanted to be in contact with anyone outside of the household (including Brooke) I should have to come home with a negative test (I think this was Lexi’s way of getting rid of Brooke).

At this point rapid tests were not available so the only option was to go to the testing centres which could be 1-2 hours before getting results. They did not have to follow this rule. Though I thought it was unfair, I did what they asked for a month getting tested 2-3 times a week after seeing Brooke.

Anna was going to be going on a business trip soon where she was going to be out of the house for about a month and I was so excited to be able to come and go from our house and not have to get a test…until she told me that Lexi was going to be staying at the house for the whole month, and that I was still going to have to get tested.

I asked Anna if this is something we could talk about as friends or if she was telling me these rules as a landlord. Anna replied that these are her rules as a landlord and it was non-negotiable if I was living there. It was after then that I told her I was moving out by the end of the month.

When I moved in, I didn’t sign a lease, but we verbally agreed that I would give her 3 months notice before moving out. Anna said moving out so short notice was an a$$hole move and was going to put her in a hard financial spot because she hadn’t been expecting she would have to pay for her full mortgage.

She said she wasn’t going to try and get me to stay but that this would be the end of the friendship. I do feel bad I put her in a bad financial position, and it makes me sad that this is how our friendship ended.

It has been 2 years and we have not spoken since. What makes this more awkward is we work in the same building for the same company now and I see her occasionally. I miss our friendship. Was I the a$$hole? Should I apologize and make amends?

What do you think? Should she apologize? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. She changed the terms of your 'lease' when she allowed a third person to effectively become your roommate without clearing it, and even worse, forced you to live by this person's arbitrary rules.

OP responded:

I think she saw this as sort of “my house my rules” type of situation and because she was my friend she was also giving me a good deal on the rent which is probably why she didn’t feel I had any right to have a say in what goes on in our shared living space.

Straysmom said:

NOT. You went from sharing Anna's house/bills to having an extra non-paying housemate. If there is any blame to be had it would fall on Anna letting Lexi call the shots in the house. She effectively drove you out. Are they even together anymore?

OP responded:

Not sure we don’t have each other on social media anymore. For Anna’s sake I hope not, I think Anna was only with Lexi because she didn’t want to be alone.

Brooke and I are still together and now own a house of our own.

Chantalle22 said:

NTA I’m having a hard time figuring out. What about the friendship that you missed? Anna isnt a friend I’m sorry but she let a spiteful, jealous, controlling person she just met treat you so unfairly and terrible. She changed the terms of the lease though done verbally but still forced you to live with this person’s rule and didn’t once try to make things easy and comfortable for you and your own relationship.

The fact that she was able to standby and let Lexi get away with her treatment of you and your relationship proves to me they are one in the same. You deserved a better best friend because that is not how a best friend treat someone they supposedly care about, absolutely not, and you should not apologize to this person.

At any point when you decided to move out, she could’ve spoken to you and figure out a way to change things, basically anything but threaten your friendship. OP friends come and go do not chase something that took itself out.

OP responded:

I think there’s a part of me that is still nostalgic for the friendship we had before all of this happened, we were really close and I felt like I had lost an older sibling who I looked up to. With us both working similar jobs now in the same building a part of me wonders would we still be close if she hadn’t met Lexi.

But I agree with you, friends shouldn’t treat each other like that and I shouldn’t feel bad over someone who didn’t care about losing me in their life.

deacon_deelystan said:

NTA. Your friendship ended long before you moved out. Lexi sounds horrible, vindictive, and controlling. Also, it is not your responsibility to make sure your “landlord” can afford her mortgage.

TheLastWord63 said:

Are they still together? NTA.

OP responded:

I’m not sure we don’t have each other on social media anymore and when I ask our old mutual friends they aren’t sure either. It sounds like Lexi isolated Anna from everyone else but her.