'AITA for moving out early after learning my horrible roommate is terminally ill?'
"AITA for moving out early after learning my horrible roommate is terminally ill?"
For the last 6 months, I have endured living with what I thought was an incompetent lazy individual. He would leave dishes in the dish washer for weeks, pile up trash on the kitchen table and keep his personal items all over common areas of the house.
He also sleeps in the living even though he has a room and blast the TV until 4AM on weekdays. He leaves his laundry in the washer for weeks, washing dishes with bleach and floor cleaner.
Like this is just a few of the things I have experienced - there’s worst. Well I recently learned after confronting my landlord yet again with a variety of issues that this roommate has high blood pressure, chronic heart disease, end - stage kidney disease and needs dialysis to live.
While I was shocked and felt bad especially because I ignore him completely, I’m a little upset my landlord didn’t disclose he was basically in hospice care prior to me moving in. Over all I am starting to honestly understand his behavior more, and have more empathy. I think he should have did assistant living more than living with roommates who he is kind of dependent for care.
Instead of staying however I am even more of a rush to move before my lease ends. I am a little freaked out by the whole thing I must admit mainly because for someone with a terminal illness he doesn’t eat well or take care of himself and I’m scared to walk in the living room one day and he’s not breathing. Last night his breathing was so heavy it was so scary.
My landlord just got laid off and could use the extra money but I told him I’m moving out by 6/1 anyway. I know this will leave my landlord with a financial burden but I need to do what’s best for me. My friends said I need more empathy but I feel like prioritizing myself is more important.
The internet did not hold back their thoughts one bit.
MaterialMonitor6423 wrote:
NTA. You are not equipped for this. He needs to be in the care of someone who can offer medical assistance. How did this happen? Didn't you have any say about who you would have as a roommate?
OP responded:
I didn’t have a say nor did I meet the roommate prior. Landlord said he was a hardworking professional that works nights and coaches. I believed it until now.
wandering_aimlessly wrote:
NTA. That sounds like a nightmare situation. But in all honesty…it doesn’t sound like he’s necessarily knocking on death’s door. People live decades on dialysis. It’s not the death sentence it once was. And yes their diet will be very strange bc of what they have to avoid. If the kidneys filter it they should avoid it.
(I spent 2 years as a dialysis nurse.) high blood pressure is super common with kidney disease and half the patients I had…has chronic heart disease. The majority of our patients who passed…passed bc they were tired and decided it was time. I hope this gives you a bit of fresh air while you wait to move out.
OP responded:
TBH this makes me feel a lot better. I would never want anything bad to happen to him despite the tough situation. If I’m honest it traumatizing hearing his cough and gasp for air at night so it’s comforting to know it’s all good.
scstxrn wrote:
He might not be following his fluid restriction.
OP responded:
Tbh I’m not too sure what that means. He eats a lot of unhealthy food though - fast food, frozen high sodium and even over processed etc I would have never guessed he’d have these issues by what he eats. That may sound judgey but it’s true.
Fancy-Lemur-559 wrote:
NTA. Watching someone pass away is *traumatizing*. We do it for the ones we love, because we love them. Some people do it professionally, and they have training and support to handle it. You are not trained, and this is not someone you love.
Compassion and empathy do not require you to live in a cesspool waiting for this person to die, **especially** if nobody bothered to tell you that you were moving in to a hospice situation.
After receiving lots of support, OP shared a small edit.
EDIT: Based on the comments, I’m learning that his condition is not terminal and is not dying just chronically sick. I really appreciate all the medical education being given sorry if I appear ignorant, I just simply didn’t know and googling wasn’t much help tbh.
The comments kept coming.
5newspapers wrote:
NTA. I understand your empathy but frankly, your landlord knew the risk of being dependent on tenants paying rent to make their mortgage. Layoffs suck, but if you had gotten laid off, would your landlord try to cut you a break? And your roommate needs more help than you are qualified or trained or even able to provide. Move out, and focus on yourself.
MassiveGoat1420 wrote:
NTA. Forget empathy for a second – washing dishes with bleach and floor cleaner is a dealbreaker, illness or not. That's a biohazard, not a roommate quirk. Your landlord failed you by allowing this.
CleaRae wrote:
NTA - there is no excuse in all of that for them to cause you such issues and have zero communication. I have multiple severe chronic illness and spend life in bed. I also make sure I have caregivers come and clean, laundry, bed. I also try hard to not push my unusual schedule onto others (though I wish my dad would use a mute on his trumpet before midday knowing I have chronic headaches).
You don’t owe this random person anything but the basics (following the protocol to move out etc). Be a normal civil person moving out giving the correct notice/clean your areas etc. That’s it.
rosegarden007 wrote:
NTA. Just because your roommate is ill doesn't give him the right to be a pig. If he's able to make food and take it to another room, he's able to clean up his dishes. He's not on the verge of dying, I have most of those problems too but I'm active and don't do those things. He wants a maid, not a roommate. You're not wrong for moving on.