'AITA for moving out of my mom's after my brother and his wife moved in?'
"AITA for moving out of my mom's after my brother and his wife moved in?"
I (26)F and my husband (27)M just had our first baby 12 weeks ago. We live together in an apartment currently. When she was about 3 weeks old my mom asked us to come stay with her for some time for help and things. My husband and I both agreed we’d give it a shot since we appreciated the help and more so the company.
My mom discussed us not renewing the lease and staying with her so we could save up and get a house for our family which sounds wonderful to us considering my mom lives alone. We discussed this multiple times and when it came time to resign my lease I signed a month to month lease to give us time to move out.
Here’s where the story takes a turn, my brother(23)and his wife (20) just moved in to my mothers house with their 1yr old so I decided it was time for me to go home. Now here’s the reason why, my husband and I pay for groceries and all other living expenses (toilet paper, napkins, body wash, shampoos etc.)
Since my mom is alone we don’t mind helping (she pays the major bills and my sisters college), what’s one more mouth to feed ? Well now my brother isn’t working, his wife isn’t working, and that’s now 4 mouths for us to feed and we make just enough. Aside from the expenses my daughter isn’t able to take her naps during the day since there’s a toddler screaming all day.
So my husband and I decided it was just best for our daughter and for our pockets to move back to our home and live like we have been for the past 4 years and just find a way to continue to save for our house. My mom is now upset stating we switched plans on her. She wanted to be apart of her granddaughters everyday life and watch her grow and now it’s being taken from her.
She also feels as though our reasons for leaving isn’t valid since she’s able to contribute(she makes more than both of us combined) and I told her she more than welcome to take care of them but I don’t feel comfortable taking care of another family and having my daughter suffer just to make her happy.
It’s been a week since we moved back home and my mom still happy 🙃 So AITA for not sucking it up and staying with her?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
GreekAmericanDom wrote:
NTA.
"stating we switched plans on her"
...because she didn't switch any plans on you.
Your responsibilities are to your daughter, your self, and your husband. (in that order.) 3 families under one roof is much and not for everyone. Better to be honest about it and deal with early than to wait around letting resentment fester until there is a huge blow up. Good on you.
OP responded:
Thank you that was very well put and very much appreciated!
ReadMeDrMemory wrote:
NTA. She changed plans on you when she allowed the noisy deadbeats to move in. End of story.
OP responded:
Right! Where’s my daughter’s peace?!
Plenty_Estate5660 wrote:
NTA you were being taken advantage of, glad you guys took necessary steps to set healthy boundaries.
OP responded:
Thank you 🙂↕️
ThisWillAgeWell wrote:
My mom is now upset stating we switched plans on her. She wanted to be apart of her granddaughters everyday life and watch her grow and now it’s being taken from her.
Mom: "You switched plans on me!"
OP: "Yeah, we did. Because you switched plans on us. When we agreed to move in, we had no idea that Brother, Wife, and Toddler were going to move in as well. Supporting all of them, and having our daughter unable to nap because of a screaming toddler, wasn't what we agreed to."
"Now, we would not dream of telling you whom you can invite to share your house and whom you can't. That's your business, not ours. All I can say is, we can't share a house with that many people and we can't provide financially for that many people. We had no choice but to move out." NTA.
briomio wrote:
Actually, your mom changed the plans when she allowed another family to move in making the whole situation cramped and unpleasant.
SomeoneSomewhereish wrote:
NTA. It’s clear the reason you moved out is because your brother and his family moved in. The reasons why you’re moving out don’t seem particularly legitimate, but you don’t need a legitimate reason.
You didn’t ask mom to pay your rent or do anything for you in order for you to move out. It’s your right to move where and when you want if you can afford it. But let’s break it down a little. You say you can just barely afford to feed everyone on your income.
Yet you can feed half of the people (2 adults and 1 small human - maybe no food costs yet if you don’t need formula, but there will eventually be another mouth for food) and pay rent. It doesn’t really make sense that rent is less than the food for 3 adults and 1 toddler. You say your daughter can’t nap because of the toddler. Let’s be clear, your daughter isn’t napping because she’s 12-weeks-old.
Not because there’s a toddler around. A lot of people have more than one kid and have a toddler around the house screaming while they have a new baby. That’s not the issue unless the kid is perpetually running into wherever your daughter is sleeping peacefully and screaming into the crib or bassinet.
Maybe you assume she’s not napping because of the toddler, but I can tell you my kid didn’t consistently nap until she was almost 7 months. However, my nephew sleeps through anything because my niece and daughter were constantly running around, shrieking while he was sleeping as a newborn.
But regardless. You don’t need a reason to move out. You could’ve just decided to move out even if your brother didn’t move in. Clearly, it’s the addition of the extra people that isn’t suiting you. Maybe you don’t get along with your brother or his wife. Maybe it’s just that you have a newborn and we’re comfortable with your mom but not with having additional family perpetually there.
You are entitled to do what works for you. You don’t say how far away from your mom you live. But if you live within a reasonable distance, there’s no reason that your mom can’t still see your daughter almost every day. And even if you are a little bit farther away, you make the time and you FaceTime. Good luck!