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'My 'motherly' aunt wants me to give up my unborn baby girl to my 'godly' infertile cousin.' UPDATED 3X

'My 'motherly' aunt wants me to give up my unborn baby girl to my 'godly' infertile cousin.' UPDATED 3X


"My 'motherly' aunt wants me to give up my unborn baby girl to my 'godly' infertile cousin."

I (24F) am currently 8 months pregnant with a baby girl and my aunt/cousin have been giving me trouble since I have announced the news. My partner and I already adore our girl and have no plans to give her up, but my aunt wants me to give up my child to my cousin, who has been suffering for infertility for the past 5 years.

For more context, my aunt has raised my sister and I as a motherly figure after our mother passed away when we were very young. We have been quite close with our aunt/cousin throughout our life and have been trying to support my cousin through her struggles with infertility.

My aunt is also very religious being a Mormon who regularly attends church and has a very rigid, close-minded view on morality/values and living a good life. She believes that a child deserves a strong, foundational religious upbringing with a strong, providing father and a loving, attentive mother.

Since my partner is not Christian and because we both have full-time jobs and careers, she believes that my child will grow up "confused" and "misguided" in our household due to our religious differences, lacking a proper sense of identity and adequate care. She says she fears that our child's well-being will not be put first in such an environment and that our kid could likely go down a "dark, immoral path."

According to her, my cousin, who works part time from home, and her husband are way better able to provide my child with a loving home with good values and religion.I have both my aunt and cousin blocked on most forms of communication and I have moved to a new home, where they do not know the address.

My partner and I also got married in a private ceremony so they won't have control over my medical decisions. Out of the two, my aunt has been more aggressively towards me and even showed up to my old apartment one day to scream and argue with me about the situation.

She, in a fake nice tone, tried to get me to come with her to a cafe near the church to speak with me about the baby even when I told her there is nothing to be discussed and that I'm keeping the baby. I spoke with the apartment manager and had to hide until she left after half an hour.

My aunt also has her church friends after me. They sometimes regularly send me hostile text message and voicemails. My cousin has been on the quieter side towards me and has been struggling with depression and trauma from her latest pregnancy last year ending in a stillbirth of her baby girl after preterm labor at 30 weeks.

She has been regularly posting on social media and has joined motherhood-related groups. I've heard through gossip that she is trying to get a baby through those groups and has been banned from a considerable amount of them to her dismay. She had been harassing young moms and widows for their babies.

My cousin is desperate for a baby to "fix" her family and is apparently "waiting for [MY NAME] to give birth" for my baby girl, who she apparently sees her own late baby in. My aunt and her are apparently sure that I will be overwhelmed with my decision and the responsibilities with motherhood that I will give up/"give more" to my baby by letting my cousin and her husband adopt her.

My aunt says that giving my baby to my cousin shouldn't be as hard as it could be because we are family and that I could have a baby later on as I am still young and have plans to attend grad school after working for a while. My cousin also apparently wants to get into contact as we had before my pregnancy.

I will not be speaking to her again until after I give birth to see where she is then and to prevent further stress during my pregnancy. I have been very supportive of her through her infertility journey and generally liked her more than my aunt growing up, but her behavior and thinking have shocked me and are making me fear for my safety.

I am planning a big wedding party for next year since my partner and I privately got married this year and I am not sure if my cousin/aunt would be invited and able to come. I have a lot of family support from both sides right now apart from those who are close to them and on their side, but I'm not sure if that support will be as strong in a year and what my relationship with my aunt/cousin will be then.

I have skipped some family events that I know they will be at, but I don't want to miss out on those family gatherings and fun forever. I'm not sure how the future will look like with my aunt/cousin after my baby and the issues that arise with that. Any support would be appreciated.

The internet had OP's back all the way.

badatboujie wrote:

Please start a paper trail and report any harassment from them to the authorities. This isn't some minor family issue. This is way out of line and could get worse if they're allowed anywhere near you and your baby.

I say this as someone who has lost a pregnancy, the way you've described how your cousin views your baby is unhinged. There is no wrong way to grieve, but this is not grief. This is a pair of people who are not mentally well.

MadMaid42 wrote:

This! I'd like to add it’s not normal to find any allies to this plan. Even religious fundamentalists don’t support taking away a child from their parents for no other reason than having a job and different believes. Your Aunt and/ or cousin have to spread some sort of rumors about you to gain sympathy. Like you being mentally unstable, or irresponsible in general, or ab-sive/ neglecting or even worse.

Stating the fact she’s claiming you would will get overwhelmed and those remarks about you’re still young I guess she’s telling others that you’re an immature kid not knowing how life works. ETA: So get hold on some flying monkeys and figure out what she’s telling about you.

Successful-Bit-7878 wrote:

This is not an issue to take lightly. This is a threat on your family’s wellbeing. They sounds extremely desperate and desperate people do desperate things, dangerous things, like kidnap people’s child-type of things.

I’m not trying to scare you but your concern over wanting to attend family events and being curious whether you’ll be able to invite them to your wedding party should be the last thing on your mind. These people sound extremely dangerous and given the opportunity they will take your daughter whether you agree or not.

You need to keep a paper trail and report them to protect your daughter, yourself and your family. I have had two early miscarriages, a loss at 21 weeks and 16 weeks. I have a son now and a baby (potentially two) on the way…I’d never in a billion years act as either your aunt or cousin has and I’m familiar with that level of grief.

They are not only going after your daughter, but other people’s as well. Does that really sound sane to you? They are completely unhinged. Stop treating them like family, they are now dangerous people who you should feel you absolutely don’t recognize anymore. Please protect yourselves.

appleblossom1962 wrote:

Please, whatever you do do not allow your aunt or your cousin to be anywhere near your child. Don’t allow them to hold your child. Do not ever ever allow them to babysit your child because your child will disappear. If it all possible in the future, maybe consider moving out of that city.

Make sure that you have cameras set up around your house even if they don’t know where you live now there’s always a chance that they could follow you home from work. Be hyper vigilant. Congratulations on the soon to be birth of your little one.

OP responded:

My partner and I have moved out of the city and into a new home recently. My aunt/cousin have become aware of this but don't know the address. I didn't think much of being followed home from work, but since they don't know where I live anymore, they may try something at my workplace. I'll have to talk about this more with my coworkers/boss and alert them sternly.

Friendly-Nectarine10 wrote:

That’s your baby and your baby alone. Get law enforcement involved if you have to. Get restraining orders if you have to. If you ever do talk to your aunt/cousin again, remind them how there are plenty of other babies in your area that are waiting to be adopted. Best of luck and congratulations ❤️

OP responded:

Thanks! Regarding adoption, I don't think my cousin would be a great adoptive mother so I would rather not encourage her on that. Based on what I know, she only wants a baby girl right now and the baby has to be "like her" (aka white and have whiter features) and must not have any issues.

She does not want to deal with or involve the birth mother and pretty much wants to act like the adoption never happened. Her mentality tells me she is only adopting for selfish reasons and does not want to make the adoption the beautiful thing it can be for everyone involved.

Although I am NOT giving her my baby, I am hypothetically concerned of how she would treat me and try to alienate me from any relationship with the child if I were in that position.

Three days later, OP shared three updates.

This will be a small update. We got in contact with the local church leader and talked to them about the situation with my aunt and cousin, who are both active members. We talked to him for a while.

He initially dismissed my concerns as personal conflict between family and tried to refer us over to counseling services. We explained to him that my cousin is dealing with trauma from her baby's passing and that she is having false hopes about adopting my baby, which would be raised in a good home.

We also told him that my aunt is feeding into those hopes and has been harassing me on her behalf, causing disturbance and a lot of stress. He told me he understood my side and that he knew what my cousin has been going through with her inability to have kids. He said he would contact my aunt and cousin to see what they have to say about the situation.

I talked again with him today. He said that my aunt and cousin would like to speak with me and that they were concerned that I stopped communicating with them, especially since I moved away. I explained to him that their behavior regarding my baby influenced me to do those things and pressed him on what they said.

He said that my cousin had talked with a church therapist and was looking into adoption to start a family because her IVF treatments were likely not going to produce a child with her condition. I emphasized to him that I was not giving up my baby and that my cousin had been thinking such. He said that understood that and started asking me for personal details on how I was doing now.

He was again trying to set up a meeting between us and my aunt/cousin and referring us to services. I told him I was not comfortable with that at the moment and he told me to at least call my cousin once. He said he will meet with my aunt on Sunday since I was "too scared" to do on my own. Our call ended after that. I'll comment any update on what he says in the coming days under this post.

EDIT 2: I am not satisfied with his response and do not like that he is putting pressure on me with reconnect with my aunt and cousin. He says he understands my concerns, but I think he is being rather dismissive of them and trying to force us to "resolve" our issues.

My partner and I thought it was worth a shot reaching out to him to because he has influence and religious authority over my aunt/cousin. I'll see what he says on the next phone call and see what I can do to make him care more.

EDIT 3: To make clear, I didn't give him any personal information and have no plans for any in-person meeting with my aunt and cousin. We are in contact with legal help. We do not live in Utah.

People kept it 100 percent real.

No-Translater-4584 wrote:

“It’s a trap.”

Salymander_1 wrote:

100% a trap. Yikes

Plus, the way the church leader dismissed OP as being, "too scared," was extremely condescending and manipulative. What a scummy way for him to behave. F that guy.

100milnameswhatislef wrote:

Get away from them and that Evil church, if that bishop was asking you personal questions about you and your partner he was doing it to use the information against you. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATED how evil LDS Mormons can be, if you live in the Utah area the church controls the courts and they could try and take your baby.

Do not give them any more information about you and yours. I was born into an uber Mormon family, I'm not spitting this out of nowhere.

infinitekittenloop wrote:

"I will not be re-engaging with either of these women. They have proven themselves to be toxic and dangerous. Not just to my mental health but to the safety of my family."

"I reached out to you in the hopes that you would be able to influence them before I have to contact law enforcement and pursue legal avenues of protection. I understand now that was a mistake. Please stop contacting me. Any further attempts from any of you to discuss this will be treated as har-ssment."

You really need to start making a legal paper trail. File a report with everything from your previous post. Even if the report goes nowhere for now, it's documented in case you do have to file for a protective order or something else happens down the road.

Religious leaders aren't on your side. They almost always take the side of the ab-sers and continue to victimize and traumatize YOU on their behalf. Especially if you aren't also their parishioner. Ordained Flying Monkeys, as it were.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

Tequilafarmer wrote:

My wife and I had an opposite situation once. We're child free (by choice), and my wife's family tried to get us to take custody of a nephew. Because our lives are empty without children. Anyway, to echo another comment in this thread, it's a trap! Never trust anyone who would f-k with the lives children like this.

Sources: Reddit
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