'My best friend of 20 years turned out to completely lose his mind.'

"My best friend of 20 years turned out to completely lose his mind."

So I have this friend, we'll call him Jim. Jim is 38 years old and has never really had anything, and what he has gained, he's lost pretty quick. He doesn’t have many friends and never has. I've always wondered why but could never put my finger on it. I know now. Jim has serious issues with addiction and will get hooked on whatever releases dopamine. This will be important later.

Our family business took pity on Jim and hired him to manage our property, which at first he was very good at. We thought we'd struck gold. My parents even let him move in. One thing we did notice at first that was really odd (that we didn’t think much of) was that Jim needed constant praise and adoration for the work he was doing.

When he felt this praise was lacking, he’d slip into these really negative mood states, which was concerning, but to my fault I didn’t take it for the warning sign that it was. Then Jim got health insurance. Jim immediately got a prescription to treat his ADHD. He has in the past struggled with speed and party substances, so I was really uneasy about it, but whatever man. It's your life.

I told him that the human mind pretty much doesn't distinguish between street speed and prescription amphetamines. He took them anyway. I don't think he intended to get wasted, though. Jim is always looking for that next thing that's going to "fix" him, that's going to solve his problems. Motivational speakers, supplements, relationships, drugs (prescription or otherwise). And that next quick get-rich scheme.

The effects were astonishing. Within 3 months Jim was 30 pounds underweight with a sunken face and hallowed out eyes. He went from being reasonably well-built to frail and scrawny. On top of this he drank four to five 16oz energy drinks per day. He also started gambling on Draft Kings. At the risk of sounding like a nagging mother, I did nag him a bit. Like, you're on Adderall.

Why do you need 600mg of caffeine per day? Are you sleepy? How much energy do you really need? Dude, you're not going to win at gambling. No one ever wins at gambling. Just focus on your job. After Jim's amphetamine binges he would crash and sleep for 24-48 hours at a time, often times sleeping straight through shifts, no call no show. His record was 3 straight days.

He had a hard time waking up so I bought him an insanely loud alarm, which he slept through. My parents told me it would shake the house for an hour plus before they'd finally get pissed off and shake him awake, which was itself a task. He was late for work probably 80% of the time. My mom told me he would leave for his 10am shift at 9:30 and not get there until 10:30.

The job site is 15 minutes from my parent's house. We, to the best of our knowledge, have no idea where he went or what he was doing. Jim insisted that his sleep woes were "medical." Whatever that actually means. And that he needed his meds for his ADHD. He told me regarding his tardiness and absences that we should just accept him for him. I’m like no dude, get to work on time.

One mystifying thing: Jim was flat broke immediately after receiving his paychecks. And I know for a fact he isn’t paying off any debt. He has no rent, either. Just phone, car insurance, gas. Hardly any food. At this point Jim wasn’t eating. He owed a few thousand to the IRS, which he had not paid and probably still hasn't paid.

He owes an untold amount to creditors after maxing out his credit cards and doesn’t pay that, either. His credit likely doesn’t break 500. My mom had enough and asked him to come downstairs for a talk. He said "No, I'm not feeling well" to which she said "Okay, we'll do this over text. You are terminated effective immediately."

Now this is where stuff really gets bizarre. He sent my Mom a text telling her she was evil, and my parents had enough. They burst into his room and told him to pack his stuff and get out. Predictably, he invoked squatter’s rights and refused to leave.

There was a verbal exchange in which he hurled abuse at my parents and blamed them for my sister’s death and a past incident in which I was SAed. My mom moved in to whoop him, and knowing firsthand that Jim ALWAYS calls the police and files a report when someone gets physical with him.

I blocked her from doing so. He knew life would not be comfortable for him, so he packed his dilapidated 90’s BMW (that he brags about) and left the next day. The room was strewn with garbage, the carpets and furniture trashed. He was living one step away from homelessness.

It only gets worse. A couple days later, he sends me a text talking about all the wrong that was done to him, how he's demanding 30k in severance pay, and informing us that he was looking into a discrimination lawsuit for “medical.”

Given that Jim never, ever gets past the planning phase of anything, and that we had no documentation for any kind of medical anything that would explain much less exonerate his erratic behavior or chronic tardiness and absences, the lawsuit was laughable.

But the 30k thing was really alarming. Like, I was concerned for him. You don’t demand 30k severance from a job you pissed away unless you’re really mentally unwell. I spent the next 2 weeks trying to reason with him. I tried to get him to see that his behavior was bad. He just said he “disagreed.”

He then sent me a series of texts trying to manipulate me into getting his job back for him. I.e. all the wrong that was done to him, the abuse he had taken from us, how we “owe him.” And if we want him to see a therapist we should let him stay on our health plan. And blah blah blah. I finally called it out. I told him this was pure manipulation. Seeing that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted, he absolutely went OFF.

Anything he could say that he thought would hurt me. For example, I have a prison pen pal that I very much enjoy writing. He called me “insane” for it. Or whatever. Literally everything you say to this guy, he'll turn around and put back on you. It's Olympic level gaslighting. I’m like, I’m not really interested, Jim. There is so much I can say. But I wont. So I blocked him and that was the end of it.

Now, I’m left feeling kind of angry, betrayed, but what I really feel more than anything is pity. I pity him for who he is and what he is. He truly is without worth, and it’s his own fault, and that’s sad. Like I was telling my Mom, the best vengeance is to just let him live his own life and not try to interfere in a positive way.

Jim will get revenge on Jim for us. Jim will destroy Jim. We don’t have to do anything. I just wish I’d known this before. I’ve been hanging out with this idiot since 2006. That makes me the idiot. So the lesson is, if someone isn’t crap, and has never been crap, and has nothing or no one, there’s a reason why. Don't get pulled in.

So, I don’t know. Thanks for reading. If you have any idea as to what the hell is wrong with Jim, or how I move forward, or support or whatever, I’d love to hear your answers.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

I_am_a_lizard wrote:

Hey, so uhm, with someone with ADHD, it does NOT do the same thing, methamphetamine and methylphenidate are different, What it does to someone with no adhd: makes them wired, makes it hard to sleep, makes it hard to focus, makes it hard to have an appetite, stays in the system longer than "needed" and can be addictive.

With someone with adhd: it calms the nervous system, helps keep focus, is not addictive, helps with hunger queues, This shows your ignorance to actual medical diagnosis and medications that do help the people who need them. You might want to re-educate yourself so you don't look like an ablist asshole.

Also, taking any adhd stimulants and then having an energy drink will 100% cancel each other out, and neither of them will work. You'll just end up tired and feeling sick. The constant attention, needing praise, and when not getting that, spiraling is a literal narcissist tendency (look at the DSM-5) where they hate themselves.

So the only way they can feel good about themselves is from other people's affection, people who thrive on this also are susceptible to substance abuse, because it leads to much more dopamine in the brain than what someone would naturally create, but once hooked, the brain forgets how to regulate that.

So I'm commenting as I read paragraph to paragraph. This sounds like narcissistic disorder/ behavior and bipolar type 2, (once again LOOK AT THE DSM-5 I got bored, and was sick of being a***ed so I have read this and other parts of other DSM'S to help protect myself).

The "I'm getting praised so you are good" straight to the "I did nothing wrong, its everyone else that did wrong" SCREAMS narcissistic tendencies with substance issues, I am also thinking the pills are not legit because you need to get tested for ADHD, its a two session thing abd getting diagnosed as an adult is near impossible anywhere in the world.

He was definitely on speed, as paired with the copious amounts of caffeine and little to no food, this does not scream ADHD meds. It screams illicit. And yes, I KNOW that the word "narcissist" word gets thrown around SO much on this app, but I swear, read up on it and holy crap.

MrMagoo04 OP responded:

Lest I be accused of ableism, I have ADHD too. I have taken both speed and various ADHD meds. They were indistiguishable from one another. Speed maybe a bit more intense, but same overall effect. They really aren't that different. Not that I could ever tell.

I think it's narcissism too. It just fits. The RAGE when he realized he wasn't going to be able to manipulate his way back in. This whole thing blindsided me. 20 years and the whole time I had no idea who he was.

Bigdawg420 wrote:

I have a “friend” like this. All I can say is there’s nothing you can but forget about him and move on with your life. Probably some type of narcissist. The fact that he acted the way he did towards you and your family after helping him for so long says enough, he’s lucky he had that most people wouldn’t go that far for a stranger.

MrMagoo04 OP responded:

Thank you. Vulnerable narcissist is my guess. The lack of gratitude is just staggering. He honest to God thinks he was wronged in some way.

Girlmcgirlface wrote:

He's disabled, it's really not his fault. Doesn't mean you have to put up with any mistreatment, but I empathize with him. He wasn't functioning properly on those meds and should have been put on something else.

There are different options available now. It's genuinely so sad how people suffer with these conditions. You can say all you want to him, talk till you're blue in the face, it's about as useful as screaming at a man with no legs to "just walk"

EBweb76 wrote:

I’ve had a similar pattern with my best friend of 18 years (Adderall, then meth addiction)… except that she has never expressed anger with me. She lost her 6 kids and went to jail, so the fact that I stick with her at all once she got out a couple years later.

But fortunately now we live two hours apart which helped for me not to show her blatantly that I don’t agree with her paranoia and “life’s not fair” attitude. I’m glad that overall you’ve kept a healthy perspective for yourself.