Woman’s rash choice to follow high school crush to college leaves her alone and $30K in debt. AITA? + 3 YEAR UPDATE
"My best friend [22F] is giving up a full-ride scholarship to be with her boyfriend of >3 months."
My best friend has a full-ride scholarship (tuition, rent, books) from our university. She is a very book smart girl and has been on the Dean's List almost every semester. This is our third year of college.
The issue is that she is a gullible person. Even though she is book smart, she will get caught up in things like multi-level marketing schemes. She will date older men who take advantage of her. Many things like that.
While she was home over the summer, she and her old high school crush [20M] started hanging out. At the end of the summer, he "officially asked her to be his girlfriend." I like the guy and think he is better for her than her past flings, but they are getting very serious very fast.
Last month, she told me she was thinking about transferring to his university. I told her that was ridiculous as she would give up her scholarship and have to take out loans. Turns out she applied to transfer anyway.
Today she got her acceptance notice and couldn't be more excited. I've already told her this is a bad idea. But she is so gullible. And her mother is the same way. Her mom thinks this is true love: two small town lovebirds crossing paths again.
My roommate keeps saying that this is just like her parents' romance, and she needs to give this relationship everything. (Oh, her parents are divorced, by the way.) Is there anything I can say or do to help her reconsider? I already voiced my opinion once, and it didn't do anything.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
While your friend is clearly making a bad decision, it's her bad decision to make. If you feel you must, have another talk with her but it sounds like it's gonna fall on deaf ears. Her mother sure is a piece of work. good grief.
Honestly, this is the kind of thing where you just need to let it play out. You already voiced your concerns. That's the best you can do sometimes. If you push harder then you'll only be pushing her away. Besides... who are you to say that this won't work out well in the long run?
terribleterriblewedd (OP)
It's not that I think they won't work out. They might, and I'd be very happy. It's the fact that she'll be giving up her full scholarship to go. And no, her family can't afford it. When we talked about her transferring, she mentioned that even if she got a transfer student scholarship, she'd have to take out $20,000-$30,000 in loans. (It's an out of state school.)
Her mom is willing to cosign because "true love." But I think that if it is true love, they can wait another year until she graduates. Then again, I might not be able to do anything. I at least want to sit her down one more time so I feel like I did everything I could if this blows up.
It's ultimately her life though. If she values love more so than financial advantages then that's her call to make. I agree with your assessment but if I were you I would respect your friend's wishes, however much I detest it. The role of a great friend is to give advice and support even when they don't take your advice.
terribleterriblewedd (OP)
I'm definitely going to talk to her again. But I will have to support her if she chooses to follow him. Thanks
Three years later, the OP returned with an update.
Just found this and thought I should give an update! My friend and I are now 25, and we’re still close. She did transfer schools and lose her scholarship. She also graduated late because of the transfer.
In all, it cost her more than $30k in student loans, which she regrets. Things did not work out between her and her boyfriend. He really wanted to live a party boy lifestyle with her at home to cook and clean up after him.
They broke up one year after she transferred. She still had a semester left, which was really difficult and lonely because she had no friends aside from him and his social circle.
After graduation, she got a job as a teacher in her hometown. So she does have a way to pay back the loans! She’s pretty happy. She’s now engaged to a different guy she started dating ~2 years ago.
They got together right after she moved home. Yes, it’s fast, but they live together with no issues. They aren’t going to start planning a wedding until COVID eases up. She’s less gullible now and more skeptical of her mom’s advice. Her experience really opened her eyes to the consequences of her choices.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
I'm glad it all worked for her, but that last comment made me laugh too hard. No kidding turning down a full scholarship for a boyfriend isn’t the smartest move.
terribleterriblewedd (OP)
I was against it the whole time! I was worried I’d lose her friendship over it, but she respected my honesty.
If a relationship can't handle being LDR for a known fixed length of time (college, etc), it isn't a relationship worth sacrificing your personal well-being for.
My college roommate did the same thing with a full ride for grad school—star crossed reconnection with a hometown guy and everything!! Surprise, didn’t work out either.
Everyone in the last post was right - unfortunately you gotta let people make their own mistakes; it's the only way they learn.
I will never understand women who do things like this for a man. I know I'm being a judgy b-word, but honestly, I just think it's foolish and sad.