'AITA for breaking up with my BF after he confessed to kissing a coworker? He says I'm being selfish.' UPDATED
.I broke up with my boyfriend after I found out he kissed his coworker over two years ago.
deplr_ writes:
My ex (28M) and I (26F) were soon to get married. Last week, he told me about an incident that happened more than two years ago. He disclosed that he and his coworker made out after we became exclusive in our relationship.
He expressed a desire to come clean and start a new life with me without carrying any guilt. I was deeply heartbroken and didn't know what to do. After gathering myself, I told him we were over, and I couldn't marry someone who cheated on me.
He mentioned that this incident occurred early in the relationship, happened only once, and was a mistake. We had been together for almost three years, and he called me selfish for ending things over something that happened so long ago.
I have zero tolerance for cheating, so my immediate reaction was to break up. It's been a week now, and his parents are calling and texting me, asking what happened and why I broke their son's heart. This is all causing me a lot of pain.
I don't want to be with him, but I miss him terribly. I miss us. Am I throwing everything away for one mistake of his, or did I make the right decision?
OP provided an update:
After reading all the suggestions and gaining control over my emotions, I reached out to the coworker my ex made out with. She told me they had made out a few times and wanted to hook up but did not, as she wanted something more than a fling and he was not ready to commit. She had no idea about him already being in a relationship and was genuinely sorry for my situation.
I contacted my ex regarding the same, and he denied the claims, saying she was the one who wanted to hook up with him, but he stopped it as he couldn't do that to me. I met him in person to discuss this because I cannot blindly believe anyone right now.
He expressed his regret and said he would do anything to have me back and gain my forgiveness. After a lengthy conversation, I asked him if I could check his phone and texts around the same timeline, but he refused. I understand it's a long shot because it was in the past, and any incriminating texts would likely have been deleted, but he outright refused, citing invasion of privacy and discomfort.
Although we never checked each other's phones in our relationship, I wanted to do so this time because he betrayed my trust. He didn't budge and accused me of being unreasonable for trusting a stranger's words over his.
I contacted his parents and informed them of what had happened. They were shocked and apologized, expressing their respect for my decision. I have made the final decision to end the relationship and move forward with the breakup. I needed closure, and I believe I have found it.
Here are the top comments from the post:
Louis_7u7 says:
I mean, him calling you selfish after cheating on you and then telling you after 2 years just because HE doesn't want to carry any guilt...NTA (Not the A^&#ole), you made the right choice.
Odd_Welcome7940 says:
"I will do anything." "Show me your phone." "Wait, I said anything, not that I would show you my phone."
aristorcratic_magic says:
I would leave it as is. You can't be sure it was just making out., and given your reaction, if he cheats again he probably just won't tell you.
Illustrious_Bird9234 says:
Him calling you selfish proves one he was not really sorry as he was not ready to face the consequences of his actions and two it was solely for him he fully expected to tell you and move on from any guilt while you have to live with this. Plus the reality that he’s been lying to you for years. There’s no going back from this. NTA.
142muinotulp says:
The event happened 3 years ago for him. It happened just now for you.
Chemical_Nebula_6869 says:
For me, any chance at reconciliation would evaporate the moment he calls you selfish for not instantly forgiving him. He wants to come clean, he doesn't want to feel guilt, blah, blah, blah, but he has had more than two years to be able to "forgive" himself, while not giving you anytime to process all your (100% valid) feelings on something that HE did.
HobbyCrazer says:
“I’ll do anything to get you back and have your forgiveness!” Except literally the one thing you asked for in that moment…
AlwaysHelpful22 says:
NTA. He went from "I’ll do anything" to "I’m not doing that" in one brief conversation. You handled this/him well.
What do you think? Was OP right to break up with her boyfriend?