'My BF and I were going to move in together. Then, he bought a 87k truck without telling me.' UPDATED 2X

Financial incompatibility can be a major deal breaker.

In a popular internet post, one woman shared her saga with her boyfriend and his unwise truck purchasing choice. She wrote:

"My bf and I were supposed to move in together. Two weeks ago, he bought a 87k truck without telling me. I refuse to move in with him."

I'm very annoyed. He didn't even speak to me about it. We had so many discussions about moving in together, getting married and then he goes and purchases a truck 2k more than his yearly salary. If you're asking how can a truck be 87k, that's the price you get when you put every addition you want on it. He showed me the truck expecting me to be excited and I was livid.

When he bought this truck, we were only a month from moving in together. We got into a bad argument where he told me it was his money and he could do whatever he wanted with it. So I said fine, and I told him I'm not comfortable moving in with him anymore. I asked my landlord if my apartment was still available and if I could renew my lease and they said yes.

Now my BF is saying he cant afford his place and his truck. I don't feel bad. You should have thought of that before buying something so expensive without talking to your gf of 2 years. I have had some of his friends' gf reach out to me and say I should support him and one even say that I'm not loyal and this shows I wouldn't support him if we were married since I run away when finances get bad.

That's bulls**t. He didn't lose his job or get hurt. He bought an expensive item without discussing it. I have been trying to get him to return the truck because it's already affecting his finances badly. He has only had this truck for two weeks and he is worried that in the next month or two, he wont be able to cover all the expenses he usually has.

This past weekend, we had another argument and I think our relationship is going to end. Im not helping him pay for this truck and I'm not moving in with him. I have asked for a break and will be thinking about what to do.

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update/clarification.

EDIT: I appreciate the different opinions everyone has given me. I have a lot to think about. To answer two questions, no he doesn't need the truck. He works from home and if he has to check in at work, he has an office.

Also, his friends and their girlfriends know about this issue because he asked for their views when we went to a get together last week. Only two GFs reached out to me to tell me I wasn't being supportive. The others have minded their business.

The comments came rolling in.

_A-Q wrote:

Good job recognizing a bad situation when you see one. This dude fully expected you to supplement his lifestyle after moving in together. All his money would have gone to paying that truck, leaving you stuck with the lion’s share of the bills. And that’s why he’s panicking now. Stay in your own apartment OP.

nobodynocrime wrote:

And he had the audacity to say that it was his money and he could do what he wanted with it knowing full well he would have to live out of the truck if OP didn't supplement for him. Really tells you what he thinks about OP's money (that its his money too). Entitled a*s. I would dump him so hard.

littlemissmoxie wrote:

Yeah no. You were right to put yourself first. He’s going to end up drowning in debt. Least you won’t be there to see it. Would imagine he though he could make you take the majority of rent and household expenses while he just put money in his truck.

shame-the-devil wrote:

The minute he was expecting you to help finance his life, it ceased to be “his money”. You absolutely did the right thing, that man was going to use you to pay for his expensive ass truck. Ask your friends gf’s if they want to give up their life to finance his mistakes, cause you sure as hell won’t. And shouldn’t! It’ll only get worse if you enable him. He’d be coming home with a Ferrari next.

123TEKKNO wrote:

You 100% did the right thing here. I can't stress enough how much living with him would suck. I've been with people like him, it's not fun at all to constantly be stressed over where YOU are going to get money to pay for rent, food and other bills because of THEIR last impulsive spending spree.

My only tip to you now is: Get rid of him. He showed who he is and what he expects from you - believe him now that he has shown you. And if his friends call again: Don't answer.

The only thing they are doing is stealing your energy, and you don't have to take that. I am so very happy that you had the sense to see this bullshit for what it is and not move in with him. I wish I had done the same back in the days, so that I didn't know what it is like to live with people who have absolutely no regard for my mental health or what I had to do to get the bills paid. Stay strong! You've got this.

A week later, OP shared an update.

Yea, so I broke up with him mainly because I realized we aren't financially compatible. Before I go into what happened, iI do want to say something. I understand we weren't married but we were both moving together into a new place and had several discussions about this move and our plans for the future, including marriage.

For the people private messaging me saying its his money and he can do whatever he wants or, you're only two years into a relationship, you're not a wife. I know that and I have never asked what is in his bank account or told him what to do financially.

I'm aware it's his money, but I also know his financial situation and he was making decisions without my input that, if we were to stay together, would not only affect him but also our relationship and our financial situation for years to come. I will die on this hill: this is not ok and if it's ok for you, that's fine but for me, if we make a financial plan and you make a huge decision without me.

I won't be ok with it and that's a big reason why I backed out of moving into a new apartment with him. I would have never made a decision like this without his input at all. The main reason why we decided to move in together was to take the next step in our relationship but also to pay down our debts. I now have 22k debt from student loans and a car.

When I met him though it was around 60k and I was basically living on credit cards. Within the first couple of months of us dating, I saw how hard he worked and with a salary at 85k, he was making huge process in paying off his loans and credit cards. On my end, at the time, I was only making 50k. I honestly saw his work ethic and was like wow and got serious about my debt.

I got a second part-time job where i was making 32k a year, bringing my salary to 82k. I did that so that I could pay off my debts faster but also so that we could be on equal footing when we moved in together and he didn't have to pay significantly more in living expenses than me when he had more debt.

We did a complete budget months before we moved in together and realized that we would each have 700 dollars extra a month to put towards our own individual budgets. This is why the purchase of this truck was so surprising to me. We had planned this move for months. We had a budget and he destroyed that plan with the truck.

If he wanted a new car, there are plenty of cars he could have gotten that would have fit into the 700 monthly surplus he had. Anyway for the past few days before we broke up, he tried to show me that this truck was a good financial purchase and we could still move in together. He told me that he had actually budgeted for this and could show me how he could afford this.

I wanted to hear him out so I went to his place and he had two budgets. He said he had been thinking of getting this truck for some time and he had worked out a budget beforehand. He showed me the first budget and after his truck, insurance, expenses, and his debts he was left with 115 dollars for the month. I noticed with the first budget, he didn't include groceries, his hobbies, going out or even gas.

I asked him how 115 dollars was enough to live off of for an entire month? I asked him how he could afford all of this and his truck and if he planned to give up some things. He said no he didn't plan to give up anything and that he could make everything work in his budget. I asked him what if he had an emergency or needed gas for his truck and he just kept saying he would work it out w/o explaining how.

After I saw the first budget, I asked to see the documents for the car and that's how I found out the truck price was 95k total after taxes, registration and fees. He traded in his reliable 2003 Toyota and all his savings to get a loan at 14 percent for 72 months. His monthly payment is now 1966 and insurance is 573. He also still has student loans which are significant.

I kept telling him 115 dollars left over monthly wasn't enough. That's when he showed me his second budget which had a combined higher monthly income. I asked him if he was getting a second job and he said due to his first job relying on him to be on call, he couldn't. I asked where the income was coming from and this man said, well you're getting a raise soon.

I froze because I had mentioned this raise once months ago. My first job is my career job and I work in a field where when you hit certain milestones, you get a pay bump. In September, if my raise is approved, I will go from 50k to 80k, and with my second job, my total yearly income will be 112k. But getting the raise isn't a guarantee.

You have to meet certain criteria and if you don't, you have to wait three months before trying again. When he said that, I was quiet and then I said: so you planned a budget that included additional income that I wouldn't get for at least 6 months and income that I might not even get in eSptember.

He said when I got my raise, the ratio of what he would pay would decrease and he would have more disposable income. I asked him why it was ok for him to plan budgets with my income but yet i had no say in how he spent his. He couldn't answer that.

I told him I had no issue with paying more bills if I got a raise but the fact that he banked on that, didn't discuss it, and now expects me to be ok with this is ridiculous. I also said there's no way i wouldn't be paying more with the first budget because he wouldn't have been able to survive on 115 dollars.

I told him he didn't communicate and this is on him because he made huge financial plans without discussing anything. Finally I told him I would never have done any of this without going to him first because i thought we were a team that was building something. I ended things the next day and he has been trying to reach out but im not interested. He has financially crippled himself with this truck.

If with my income now, he could barely make it, he sure isn't making it on his own. I really hope that things work out for him and he is able to keep his truck and recover but im not paying the consequences for such a massive financial mistake that is going to hugely affect him for years to come. If I were to stay, this financial decision affects me as well and would continue to affect both of us for years.

Again this is different from becoming ill or losing a job. He chose this and refuses to budge and fix it. I now realize we are not financially compatible and that's ok and I wish him the best.

The internet fully had OP's back.

is_a_waterbottle_All wrote:

I have to ask is, how are you handling this with so much grace? I would be PISSED if my ex who I was so emotionally invested in, pulled this on me. It’s not just that he made an irresponsible decision, it’s the fact that he thought he could leech off you and your money to pay it, and somehow blindside you to get away with that.

You don’t badmouth him a single time and did the right thing immediately (break up), and have already accepted that you both are incompatible. I’m in awe of how decisive and yet non-aggressive you were, I wish I could be that way🥲

OP responded:

To answer your question about why I'm not bad mouthing him, its because I'm sad. I'm sad about what he did to himself and that i had to leave because he isn't seeing how bad this is is. I'm sad that just a few months ago, I was planning us living together and a life and now that's gone. Most of all, I'm sad for him.

He was doing so well and he rubbed off on me immensely in terms of paying off debt and watching your spending. Im sad that he threw away all his hard work. Dumping on him even more isn't worth it because when he realizes this mistake, it will be so bad for him. I don't see a point to do it but I'm not judging anyone who would in these circumstances.

Ubergeek2001 wrote:

You are very smart. I have a wife like you and we are going to retire comfortably because of that.

FrugalLivingIsAnArt responded:

People who will give her grief over this either have no idea how marriage is supposed to work or are bad with their finances. Financial incompatibility is a huge deal in relationships, and she is being incredibly mature here.

TurtleDive1234 wrote:

I. AM. SO. PROUD. OF. YOU!!! I really wish more young women were as firm in their boundaries and as wise about finances as you are. Mind you, this doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does give you an insight into what the future would be like with him.

DestructicusDawn wrote:

Good for you. Real sleazy move and he's an absolute moron for trying to pull something like that. It's insane that this dude thought you would just be alright paying for his new truck. He was 100% aware of what he was doing and I'm glad you got out.

OP fully did the right thing here for her future, even though it's painful now.