Man gets upset that he isn't on GF life insurance, 'nobody wants a woman with two kids who have issues.'

My boyfriend is mad that I didn't put him on my life insurance.

Bitter_Room_3553 writes:

I (32f) have an ex (33m) and we have two children, a 10-year-old daughter and a 9-year-old son. My ex and I had a difficult start in life. I fell pregnant quickly after we started dating, and our daughter was born with Leukemia.

We spent the first few years of our relationship in the hospital. Thankfully, she is now in remission. We also had another child during this time, and our son is autistic.

After being together for 6 years, we split up indefinitely when our children were 6 and 5, which was very hard for both of us. After healing for about 1.5 years, I began dating my now boyfriend, let's call him Jake (not his real name). Jake was really lovely and kind and took it slow with me.

After a year, I introduced him to my kids. At first, my daughter was not very happy with the situation, but eventually, she grew to tolerate him. Jake even has a civil relationship with my ex. Eventually, Jake moved in with my children and me, and he has been living with us for about 2 months now.

When my daughter was born with Leukemia, my ex and I decided to get separate life insurance just in case anything happened to us. When we originally got them, we decided that we would be each other's trustee and also receive 30% of the insurance, with the rest going to our child/children.

After we had our son, we updated our life insurance with his name on it, and we have both still honored that. Our reasoning for this is that if one of us were to pass away while our children were still young, the other would be left as a single parent and may need some support and stability. I still feel very strongly about this.

Now onto the issue. Jake was cleaning up flies in my office while I was at work and came across my life insurance agreement. When I was at work, he sent me a message saying, "We need to discuss something important when you get home." Obviously, I was freaking out and tried calling him, but he would not answer and said he was too angry to talk to me.

I run my own business, so I took off early and drove home. Before I left, I messaged Jake to say I'm on my way home. When I arrived, I saw Jake on the sofa glaring at me. He threw the life insurance papers at me and demanded an explanation.

I picked them up and asked what the problem was. He began to scream at me and said, "Why is your ex on your insurance, and I'm not?"

I explained my reasons above, and he scoffed, saying, "Well, you both make so much money now; you don't need to support one another." I was extremely angry and told him that it was not his business who I put on my life insurance. The money is mainly for my children and ex, and it will stay that way.

Jake replied, "Well, I put so much work into this relationship, and I'm not going to get anything from it. No normal man would want a woman with two children who has issues." I SAW RED. I kicked him out and told him we were done. My children will always come first, and I will never let anyone get in the way of that.

Jake packed his bags and left. While he was packing, he shouted at me that I never really got over my ex and we still love each other, blah, blah, blah. He knew it from the start, and I'm such an AH for not putting him on my life insurance.

OP answered a question:

Heytherhitherehother says:

Has this situation came up before? Not the life insurance specifically, just him bringing up residual feelings for your ex or a fear of getting uprooted and losing not just a partner, but at this point an entire family?

OP responded:

This situation has never come up before. He does have his own children who are lovely. He and his ex split because of insecurities on Jake's part. He constantly accused her of cheating, and it wore her out. He has been cheated on before by a previous ex. I have tried telling him to get into therapy, but he refuses to go.

He constantly compares himself to my ex and complains that I'm not over him. He says things like "oh, your ex is always around," "your ex didn't do this for you like I have," "your ex is better looking than me."

My ex is around for our children and is a very active father. He was always there for me to help in the house, but since I've been with Jake, he only comes around when it's about the children.

I should have added in the post that this happened a few weeks ago. Since then, he has threatened to leave me until I prove my commitment to him. He constantly calls me, crying, saying he loves me but can't trust me.

Here are some of the top comments:

Current_Willow8479 says:

NTA (Not the A%#hole) and his ‘I put so much into the relationship and get nothing out of it’ when talking life insurance is ALARMING. I mean, we’ve seen enough Forensic Files to know what he meant. You dodged a heckin of a bullet with that guy.

The reality is, if you have primary custody after a divorce and pass away, most courts would grant a surviving parent custody. You did the right thing by ensuring your kids are still taken care of if that unfortunate event happens, esp since one child had health issues and the other is special needs.

All the better that it at least sounds like you and your ex are able to coparent. I can’t possibly imagine that if something happened to you, Jake would have the kids’ best interests at heart and especially after his very telling reaction about the life insurance policy.

burdavin says:

NTA. Jake is showing you his true colors. Believe him and don’t take him back.

rebelhedgehog2 says:

Why is he “cleaning up papers in your office?” He was looking. You own your own business, he moved in with you. He sees you as a meal ticket and finding out that if you die you have thoroughly (and in my opinion correctly) provided for your children through the help of their remaining parent means he’s out on his broke a#%. Your children should always come first. You are SO NTA for standing your ground.

What do you think? Should OP have put her boyfriend on her life insurance?