'My BF slipped and accidentally told me he got me pregnant on purpose. Where do I go from here?' MAJOR UPDATE

"My BF (24M) slipped & accidentally told me he got me (19F) pregnant on purpose. He says I misunderstood but I can’t let it go. Where do I go from here?"

My BF and I have been together for about 1,5 years. We had talked about kids before. We both want them, at least I think I do, I just don’t want them now. He thinks differently about that but said he respected my decision to wait.

We found out I’m pregnant about 6 weeks ago. It was very unexpected and I was incredibly upset. I don’t take the pill because it caused a lot of issues for me, but we always used protection. I just assumed it must’ve failed. We spoke about it a lot and decided to go for it. (In his words: It must’ve meant to happen.) I’m still trying to make peace with this pregnancy and am often emotional about it.

A few days ago I was having a particularly rough day with morning sickness and couldn’t stop crying, and he lost his patience and said something like: ‘If I had known you’d be like this, I never would’ve gotten you pregnant’. I think he realized he messed up because he corrected himself & apologized, saying he didn’t mean it that way.

But it still doesn’t sit right with me. He’s also been incredibly sweet since then, but it feels like he’s trying to distract me. Or I’m losing my mind and not appreciating the sweet things my BF is doing. I honestly don’t know anymore. Do I keep pushing this? Do I just let it go & accept the situation for what it is? Any advice would be appreciated.

The internet did not hold back.

Dry_Cauliflower4562 wrote:

Idk where you live or how far along you are, but if terminating is still an option, it's one to consider. You're not stupid, you know what he said and what he's doing to distract you, you know the sweetness is fake. The mask slipped and he showed you who he is.

Ask yourself if you want the next 9 months with someone who'd snap at you about a very normal reaction to an unwanted pregnancy. Ask yourself if you want to raise a kid and stay forever with someone who would make light of your pain when he's annoyed. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, don't let him ruin it.

OP responded:

"I needed this, thanks. My gut is telling me is something is not right here, but I keep doubting myself, like I’m just being dramatic."

Unfortunately where I live termination is not legal.

Hung_andNerdy wrote:

Say it with me now. 22/23 year old pursuing a ~17 year old is not okay. Getting you pregnant on purpose is the ultimate attempt at asserting control over you.

Same Post is updated a few day later.

Edit: I’m sorry. My bf saw your messages & really appreciates your concern, but we’re fine. We decided to go for it & are very excited to become parents. I was just being emotional & should’ve spoken to him instead of going to reddit. It’s on me that I misunderstood him. I’m very lucky to have him. Thank you for everything. I’m so sorry.

Disastrous_Meet8146 wrote:

Is anyone else concerned with the edit?

ThisFox5717 wrote:

He clearly either dictated the edit, or posted it, himself. It’s very concerning. He now has her believing that she “misunderstood him.” OK, but he was still horrible to her when she was sick. Was that a misunderstanding, too?

“I’m very lucky to have him.” 😧.

Suspicious_End_441 wrote:

This edit is the scariest thing I have read in a long time :/

A month later, OP shared an update.

Someone told me I should update here, I hope it’s okay that I do and that I keep it short & sweet. Things got really bad, especially after he saw my post/account, but I’m away from him now. People (who I didn’t expect would be on my side) have been a godsend & helped me out so much. They got me out when things were really awful & I couldn’t be more grateful.

I’m still pregnant, which isn’t what I wanted, but it is what it is at this point. But i’m feeling a lot safer & am figuring out what to do. I also get the feeling he’s kinda losing interest in this baby, now that he’s starting to realize we won’t be a family together. But we’ll see I guess.

So many people, women messaged me offering me, a stranger, help. Like to take me in, fly me out, send me things & so on. Thank you for everything, really. I wish I could do more to repay your kindness. But I hope these people & the ones who took the time to reply at least see this and know how much they mean to me. Thank you so so much.

The internet was so glad to hear OP's update.

Comprehensive-Hat-50 wrote:

OP: Did your boyfriend stand over your shoulder as you edited the original or did he do it himself? The edited original was disturbing to read. If he is losing interest in the baby, GOOD.

I'm normally all about court ordered visitation, custody, and child support to keep everyone honest and active, but those same documents with someone like him will culminate in him using your child to try to indirectly control you.

OP repsonded:

I wrote a first ‘draft’, he made some changes. He never got aggressive, he was just so emotionally distraught with me…I had to somehow make it right. I didn’t realize then how bad it all was.

Lissypooh628 wrote:

If you’re away from him, that means he knows your login information to make changes. Girrrl what are you doing? Change all of your passwords Asap. Why do you seem so casual about him making changes to your story?

OP responded:

He doesn’t have my log-in information, at least I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. I’m sorry, I didn’t explain it clearly. I made the edit of my first post with him watching, he made some changes on my phone. He hasn’t done anything to this one.

helendestroy wrote:

"he’s kinda losing interest in this baby, now that he’s starting to realize we won’t be a family together*.* I wont be under his control."

Fixed that for you. Good job on getting out, please don't go back.

PickASwitch wrote:

Once the baby is born, he’ll use custody/visitation as a means of control. I don’t think OP is even close to being out of the woods here.

vashoom wrote:

Not saying it's easy, but adoption might be a good option to get OP off their ex's radar since they also say they don't want to have a baby. Unfortunately, still have to "have" the baby, but adoption by loving parents is much better than being raised by a resentful parent.

No-Sea1173 wrote:

Big hugs 🤗. I'm proud of you, and sorry for what you've been through. How far along are you?

OP responded:

15-ish weeks now, thank you for your kindness.

Annual-Cantaloupe-64 wrote:

I think we all just let out a collective sigh of relief. Thank god!