'My BF of 1 year wants me to pay him a rental fee for borrowing his car. AITA to be upset?' UPDATED

"My [25F] boyfriend [26M] of 1 year just told me that he wants me to pay him a rental fee for borrowing his car to visit my family. AITA to be upset?"

Ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem. I would just take my car, but it is being fixed right now. This meant that in order for me to drive to see my family for Thanksgiving I would have to either rent a car or borrow someone's.

Since my boyfriend was flying out to California for Thanksgiving and wouldn't be using his, I asked him if he would mind if I borrowed it. He told me that of course I could borrow his car. Nothing else was said about it until today (other than some minor things). I texted him to thank him again for helping me.

The way I worded things apparently made it clear to him that I was only planning to cover the gas I used, and he told me that he expected me to pay him a "reasonable" fee for using the car. Reasonable to him is $50 a day plus replacing the gas I use (so the visit will cost me at least $250 in addition to whatever the gas costs).

It is his car, so I don't think I can really argue with him about this. I do understand in principal. I don't think being his girlfriend entitles me to use his stuff whenever I want, but I am hurt that he is being so stingy. We've been together for a year; it's the holidays; and my only other option was renting a car through a private company.

I guess I would have hoped that he would have been more sympathetic, but maybe he has a right to expect that he be paid for use of his car. I don't know. I very rarely ask him for any favors and cover all of my expenses myself, so he can't say that I am using him or exploiting him financially. This has never come up before, so I have been taken off guard. Maybe I am being too sensitive?

Just so you guys know, I am already at my family's house. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

TL;DR I had to borrow my boyfriend's car to visit my family. He wants me to pay him $50 per day for use of it. I am upset by this, but I think that maybe I am just being too sensitive.

The internet was quick to share their thoughts.

lonnielee3 wrote:

If he said you could "borrow" his car and now he's saying you can "rent" his car, he's changing the deal midstream and it's sorta weird. Personally, I'd conclude he doesn't really want me to use his car for that period of time and I'd rent one from a private company. He should have just told you upfront he didn't want you to use his car.

OP responded:

I even checked with him a few times to make sure it was fine. At no point did he mention that he wanted me to pay him.

banana-skin wrote:

That seems ridiculous IMO, and I would be pissed if someone asked the same of me...well, if my significant other or a close friend asked it.

I don't really get his motive - is he trying to make money off his girlfriend just because he could? I don't see why, if you're paying for gas (and obviously covering anything else that you personally do to the car, like if God forbid you got into an accident or spilled coffee on the seats or something), he needs some kind of additional fee.

Your relationship isn't a business. This situation seems like some BS. You could try talking more to him about it, or you could refuse to pay the fee ("I thought you were joking!"), or you could rent from an actual company and incur costs but avoid this weird power play...

OP responded:

He's not one to joke, so I have no doubt he really is being serious. I would be interested to know why he wants me to pay. I'm not sure what he really gains unless he thinks this will discourage me from borrowing his property.

banana-skin wrote:

Maybe if you've lost/damaged his property before or are irresponsible with stuff...? I don't mean any offense to you, but that's the only thing I can think of without knowing more details. He sounds like a tool.

OP responded:

Nothing like that has happened before.

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

Hey, everyone. I know a lot of you have been wanting an update. I meant to post one way a few days ago, but things have been really busy lately. I didn't want to ruin my Thanksgiving holiday thinking about the car situation, so I decided to wait until I got back to discuss it with my boyfriend. I was really hoping that this was all just a misunderstanding, but unfortunately it was not.

When I brought up the rental payment, my boyfriend said that he thought it was only fair that I compensate him for the use of his car. He asked me if I had a problem with that, and I told him that I did. I mentioned what some of you said about how I could have rented a car for less if I had known he was going to charge me.

I also told him how I felt like he had taken advantage of me by only mentioning the fee after I had taken his car. One thing that one of you mentioned was that maybe someone had suggested it to him. I asked him about that, and he said that no one had said anything.

He just figured that it would only be fair for me to pay for the use of his car. I did at least get him to see that the price he charged me was too high, but he didn't think he was wrong about the fee. We ended up having a larger conversation about how tight he is with money and some other things I mentioned in my first post.

I didn't intend to break up with him, but after he still insisted on the rental payment, I just realized that he was not someone I wanted to be with. I did end up paying him, but it was $100 instead of $250.

So that's the update. He has apologized and asked me to take him back, but I don't think I'm interested anymore. Thanks for your help everyone.

TL;DR: Boyfriend was serious when he requested I pay him a rental fee for his car. We broke up.

The internet did not hold back their opinions.

-easy- wrote:

This was completely unreasonable, especially considering he didn't decide that it was a business transaction until after he'd already agreed to let you borrow his vehicle without any apparent conditions.

This is like if someone brought a sandwich to a homeless person and watched them eat half of it before saying, "Okay, that'll be $6.75!"

I wouldn't have paid him anything.

zwsk wrote:

In the long run, $100 is a cheap price to pay to find out someone is an AH. Imagine being married to someone like that. He probably would have charged you for hours spent wedding planning.

temp4adhd wrote:

He sounds like the Comcast of boyfriends.

-purple-is-a-fruit- wrote:

Did he charge you a cancellation fee when you broke up with him?