'My best friend's boyfriend's mom doesn't want me at the proposal and I will expose her if my best friend asks. AITA?'

I told my best friend's boyfriend I would tell her the truth if she asks why I wasn't at her proposal and expose his mom.

Mad_Tub writes:

My best friend (28f) and I (29f) have been best friends since middle school. Super close and very much present in each other’s lives. She is moving from OH to CT, which will make it harder for me to see her as often because we’ll be a 10-hour car ride apart, and there are no direct flights.

She and her boyfriend (32m) bought a house in his hometown, 20 minutes from his parents’ house, and they are moving in on April 19th. She invited me to ride up with her parents to help her move in.

The boyfriend called me a week ago to tell me he plans to propose at their front door before they enter the house for the first time as homeowners. When they open the door, their immediate families will be on the other side.

I assumed he wouldn’t want me there since it was just going to be parents and siblings, but he said he’d love for me to be there and that she would want me there. She told him to make sure I knew about the proposal 6 months in advance (of course, he just planned this a couple of weeks ago).

So, today I reached out to her mom and coordinated the ride up there. She was happy he invited me up. As soon as I confirmed the plans with her, the boyfriend called. He told me that his mother doesn’t want me there because she thinks it should be immediate family only.

I’ve never met the woman, so I know it’s not anything personal. But he also asked me to do him a “favor” and not tell my best friend or her mom the truth about why I can’t be there. I don’t like the idea of lying to either of them, and I think they’ll both be upset that I “bailed.” Also, I’m a terrible liar, and I don’t think it’s fair to save his mom face because she’s already on thin ice with my friend and her mom.

I’ve been crying about it all day because I was so excited to be a part of it. I think I would be the a^&*ole if I told her and/or her mom the truth because it will cause tension as they’ll definitely confront her about it.

And they already aren’t big fans because she meddles and is controlling. Lastly, I told the boyfriend I wouldn’t give them the real reason, but I am her friend before I am his. I don’t want to set a negative tone for this new chapter in their lives.

I’d tell because I don’t want my friend to think I didn’t want to be there or that I thought something else was more important. I know she will be hurt that I’m not there.

And I honestly can’t think of an excuse that her mom would accept or believe. My best friend has always been there when I needed her, dropping everything and driving 6+ hours or hopping on a plane without me asking. I know she’d want me there.

Here are the top comments from the post:

sheramom4 says:

NTA (Not the A^&@ole). Tell him that you are not changing your plans. That his future wife wants you to be there this weekend and that she has expressed multiple times wanting you there when she is proposed to. What is his mom going to do? Leave when you show up?

OP responded:

So funny I’m reading this and he just texted to say he appreciated me being so “chill” about it because it has been eating him up all day. Makes it harder for me to be assertive and tell her mom the truth. I don’t understand why it is so hard for him to stand up to his mom and just tell her it is not up to her who gets to be there. Thank you for your response.

Apart-Ad-6518 says:

NTA. "I’m crushed and I know my bestie will be sad I’m not there for it." So be there for her special moment. I suppose you could just show & hope boyfriend's mom won't make a scene but if that won't work then tell. It's about your friend not her and everyone else wants you there.

The bigger issue is bf needs to start standing up to his mom now, "she meddles and is controlling." Who needs that? If she's like that now she'll cause drama re the wedding & in their marriage. He owes it to your bff not to let that happen.

OP responded:

I agree, I’m going to talk to her mom tomorrow and ease into the truth as to why I won’t be there. She’ll probably insist that I come and it’ll be awkward for sure but his mom is too “classy” to cause a scene she prefers to move in silence and behind closed doors.

mylittlewedding says:

If you don’t say something or if you keep it a secret this WILL come to bite you in the a%^ I the future. Not the MIL BUT YOU. I was immediately tell her mom the situation, and leave it at that. Tryimg to negotiate with the bf is not in your best interest.

OP responded:

I’m definitely going to talk to her mom tomorrow and ease into the truth. He’s thanking me for being “chill” about it but I’m not a chill person and it’s tearing me up. I’ve cried over this proposal more than she will. I cried when he told me he was proposing, I cried when he told me I could be there for it and I’m crying now because he uninvited me.

What do you think? Is OP right to tell her best friend the truth?