'AITA for making fun of my BF's brother after he insulted my BF at dinner?'
"AITA for "ragging" on my bf's brother after he insulted my bf at the dinner"
Deep_Fault6513 writes:
My (F23) partner (M25) and I have been dating for a year and have known each other for almost four years. He has a fraternal twin brother, let’s call him Jake, who often makes a hobby out of joking at my partner’s expense.
I previously asked my partner privately why he tolerates this, and he told me that Jake means no harm. He explained that Jake has been insecure since high school, and this is his way of coping if it makes him feel better. For context, they look nothing alike.
My partner is very good-looking, tall, fit, and maintains a healthy lifestyle, so I guess you could say he is conventionally attractive. I have met his other family members too, and they are all very friendly and kind.
We visited his family over Labor Day weekend and had many fun activities together. Jake arrived around dinner and immediately started making some of his usual jokes. For example, he said, “Your new job must have hired you for your pretty face, because with that degree you would end up unemployed for life.”
Then, when my boyfriend accidentally dropped and broke his cup, Jake said, “Pretty people often have room temperature IQ, and you’re not beating that allegation, bro.” I was getting annoyed, so I replied, “You have never broken a thing in your life, Einstein?”
He brushed it off with, “Chill, I was just joking,” and I responded, “Well, I don’t know who told you comedy is your strength, but it’s a good thing you are not a professional comedian. Because if you were, I would definitely suggest you look into other career options.”
The room got quiet, although their younger sister laughed. Jake then started arguing with me and told my boyfriend to “control his woman.” I replied, “Since you do not have a woman to begin with, it might be hard for you to understand that women are not objects or children to be controlled.” At that point, his mom stepped in, told us both to calm down, and asked Jake to apologize for his last comment.
My partner gathered our things and said we were leaving. On the way out, he told his brother that he was fine being the butt of the joke, but Jake should never cross the line by attacking me or saying anything disrespectful.
Since that night, we have been getting mixed reactions from family and mutual friends. Some say it was between the brothers and I should not have gotten involved. Others say everyone knows how insecure Jake is about his looks, and that we came across as jerks who only crushed his self-esteem further.
Here are the responses to OP's post.
ScarletNotThatOne says:
Normally I would say not to insert yourself in your bf's family interactions. But when your bf is being mistreated right in front of you, well, you're already involved. So NTA for sticking up for your bf. Or for yourself.
Jake doesn't get to use his own insecurity as a free ticket to be rude or cruel to others. People who are defending him for that are out of line. It's actually really constructive for him to be shut up like you did. If your bf wants to put up with that stuff from his brother, I guess that's his business. But not in front of you, right? And good for your bf for standing up for you too.
Brownypoints says:
Don't throw a punch if you're not willing to get hit. Sweet burn response. NTA.
Background_One9614 says:
NTA. The brother is 100% insecure, but it's weird that the entire family just puts up with him being mean to your bf. The parents should have taken care of that years ago. There's always been a zero tolerance for that in my household.
Also don't feel bad for defending your bf. As someone's SO, you should stand up for them when they are being mistreated, it doesn't matter who or why. You did the right thing. Also, hopefully the brother has learned a thing or two from it.
BodybuilderOrnery507 says:
NTA. You were defending yourself. Jake was crossing the line by insulting you and then trying to gaslight it as a joke. Your partner even said he’s fine with jokes at his expense but doesn’t allow disrespect toward you. That’s not overreacting, that’s setting boundaries.