'My boyfriend admitted he orchestrated our meet cute. I think that's creepy.' UPDATED 4X

"My boyfriend admitted he orchestrated our meet cute."

I have no idea how I feel about what he told me. I want to think it’s cute that he cared this much, but it’s just coming off as creepy and I feel lied to. He got drunk because we were celebrating my first successful day at my clinicals and he ended up saying something along the lines of “could you believe we wouldn’t be this happy if I hadn’t watched you for so long?”

To which I was confused and didn’t know what he meant. Well I had worked at a local library for two years, before we met, during college and apparently he saw me there but didn’t actually talk to me, he just would watch me and listen in on my conversations with the people I was checking and my coworkers out to figure out what I liked.

Then he apparently followed me and found the coffee shop I frequented. All this time I thought we had a sweet first time meeting story. He accidentally bumped into me, apologized, and offered to buy me coffee for the trouble.

He told me what he was ordering and it was the exact same thing I always get and I thought it was an amazing coincidence, I joked that it was fate and we spent like an hour talking over coffee. I feel so stupid.

Apparently it was similar to a scene in a book that I had read and told my coworker I had thought was cute. I’m just so frustrated, like why would you do this?? And how much of our year and a half relationship is a lie.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

MuriMandog14 wrote:

'My boyfriend admitted he orchestrated our meet cute.'

maherymebill wrote:

I had a kinda similar thing happen with my ex, not quite as bad as yours. We met going up the escalator at the subway station near my new apartment. From my perspective, the cute guy behind me on the escalator just started up a nice conversation.

He then offered to help me carry the boxes I was holding (I was in the middle of moving). He walked me to my apartment complex and asked for my number.

Four years later, he admitted to me that he actually had seen me across the street leaving my old apartment with the boxes. He thought I was cute so he followed me down into the subway station, got on the same train as me, then followed me out of the train at my stop.

I thought it was pretty creepy, but I really loved him. A year or so later, he admitted to stealing a pair of my underwear (we were long distance for a bit and I guess he took them when he visited me one time). If it adds any context, there was a pretty big age gap between us; he was 35 and I was 20.

I stayed with him for a couple more years (I was young and naive) before we broke up over something unrelated. I was actually really heartbroken over the guy. Now I see all that creepy stuff in a different light though.

dreamygem wrote:

A lot of these comments are correct. This is alarming, manipulative, and unhealthy behavior. Please DO NOT think you can break up with this guy in a conventional way. He has shown you he will disregard your rights and autonomy for his own selfish reasons.

He justifies mistreating you (lying, stalking, manipulating) because it gets him want he wants. If he is willing to go to these lengths to get you, what will he do to prevent you from leaving? It is absolutely necessary that you make plans on how you will keep yourself safe.

Do not break up with him alone in private. If you really feel compelled to break up with him in person, do so in public with a trusted friend or family member nearby. Do not collect your belongings from him alone. Do not let him further manipulate you into staying in the relationship or maintaining contact with the guise of friendship.

He will try to stay in touch with you anyway he can in the hopes that you will let your guard down and he can gain control over you again. Message him in writing that you do not want any further contact and that you want him to leave you alone. Then, MUTE him do not block. If he escalates, any unhinged or threatening messages can be used as evidence to get law enforcement involved and acquire a restraining order.

This might be enough to deter him, but if you live alone consider getting cameras. If he stalked you before, he can do it again. If he lied to you for over a year and manipulated you using information he gathered while STALKING YOU, he is crazy enough to do other illegal/immoral things to keep the object of his obsession (you) under his control.

I really hope that my advice will not be necessary but please do not under-react. Don't let the mask he wore be the face you choose to remember. I truly hope you won't try to salvage this relationship. He is a predator. He could seriously hurt you or worse.

Not long after posting, OP shared a short update.

I was wrong. My boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong.

Then three days later, she shared another, more detailed update.

Hey everyone, I know a lot you have been worried about me and I just wanted to let all of you know that I’m safe. Shit has definitely hit the fan, but at the moment I’m safe. First, no I didn’t make that last update. My boyfriend went on my phone while I was showering and trying to figure out what I wanted to say to him about everything and he found and edited my post.

He then started yelling at me while I was still in the shower about sharing it online and calling him creepy. At the same time he was guilt tripping me and telling me that it was romantic and he did it because he loved me, he literally read a few of the comments out loud to me.

He barely let me out of the shower but I did manage to get my clothes on while he was screaming at me. What really freaked me out was that he started listing off things that he could’ve done to me, I won’t list them here because it was extremely gruesome and I don’t think it’s allowed, but he said that he didn’t do those things because he’s such a nice guy.

The way he described the things he could’ve done though made me feel like he had genuinely considered doing it. Also, I thought he was only watching me for a few months, apparently it was upwards of a year and it was genuine actual stalking. He had followed me home and to my college campus, he pulled out a collection of my lost hair ties that he kept.

I told him that he was scaring me and that we needed to take a break and come back to it later. At that he put a hole in the wall next to my head. I told him that I was leaving after that because f#$k that s#$t and it was like a switch flipped and he started crying, he got on his knees and begged me to stay and apologized.

I ended up accepting his apology because I didn’t feel safe leaving. Yesterday morning after he’d left for work I grabbed all my important documents and irreplaceable things before my clinicals started and kept them in my car. After my clinical I didn’t go back to the apartment. I’m not going to give much more detail than that because he does know my account obviously.

And for Andrew if you’re reading this, which we both know you are, please just leave me alone. The person I thought I loved doesn’t actually exist and that’s heartbreaking. I no longer feel safe with you like I did before and I hate that. Please let’s just move on from each other.

The internet continued to share updates.

Ok_Passage_6242 wrote:

Please be careful. This guy is going to end up k#$ling you. Please go to the authorities and tell them everything that happened and let them know you want an order of protection. Let as many people know what’s going on even if it’s embarrassing for you. You need multiple people watching over you.

This guy is so detached from reality. Change every single account password you have check for trackers and spyware please. Talk to a shelter about what’s going on and they can help you with steps to take legal action. Please let us know if there’s anything else we can do to support you.

LOLfy wrote:

I thought it was weird that the post said that he did nothing wrong and you were wrong 😭 run far far away and clean your phone and anything else he touched, he nasty af.

Nervous-cheek1433 wrote:

You were dating a real life Joe Goldberg and now his skeletons have finally caught up with him. I hope you’re safe! Get a restraining order and stay with family or friends! If you’re able to take a few days off from work or something do that as well.

HotAsElle wrote:

I came to check on you, bc you've been on my mind quite heavily. I'm sorry I missed the post, but the comments leave me hopeful. I sincerely hope that you're safe. You will be okay, but for now just focus on SAFE and know that's enough to start with until your mind and nervous system decompress. 💞

A week later, OP shared an update.

Location: Virginia

Long story short, my ex boyfriend ended up being more than a little crazy. I learned that he stalked me for over a year before we started dating and after I learned that he became violent.

I have screenshots of threats of violence that he’s sent me, as well as pictures of some bruises that I have from him. There’s also security footage of him attempting to sneak into my place of work to find me. My local police department has been generally unhelpful with their advice and have told me that unless he’s actively harming me they can’t do anything.

This is regardless of all of the evidence I have that he fully intends to hurt and/or k#$l me. They have taken statements from me and there is a report open though. Do you believe the evidence I have is sufficient to get an order of protection? And if I am going to file one do I need to have a lawyer?

The internet continued to share their thoughts.

izzy_mc_fizzy wrote:

I absolutely recommend reaching out to your local DV shelter! They’re able to provide legal advocacy and mental health support if you feel the need for it! They’re also typically pretty ready to rip the cops a new one for not doing their jobs properly.

rezolution20 wrote:

Glad to hear you got help! That is absolute insanity that he stalked you before he started dating you! Make sure you keep records of any contact he attempts to make, and try to not be alone when you're out and about. Maybe invest in pepper spray and learn how to use it properly. Good luck and stay safe!

nvrsleepagin wrote:

Omg I was so scared when I saw that first update. Let as many people as possible know about this. Your employer, if you rent let your apartment manager know or your neighbors. Show them a photo.

I would also invest in some security cameras and if he continues to bother you document everything! Let the police department know, even if they can't legally do anything your concerns should be documented and they can give you some advice on how to keep yourself safe.

HotasElle wrote:

I'm so glad to see a post from you! I know it's not easy, but stay strong and rally everyone you know. Have you reached out to your local DV shelter?

They'll have the best knowledge & contacts for your area. Please speak with them, from a professional organization, and they often have lists of lawyers who will work pro-bono. Sending you love & strength. 💞

A week and a half ago OP shared another update.

Honestly I just wanna scream into the void because this is annoying as shit. It’s scary too, but I’m mostly just fed up with it. Like I’m not even that pretty, why did you latch onto me? Why did you decide to constantly text and call me after we broke up? On that note, did you think threatening to murder me would woo me back into your arms?

Showing up at my clinicals is also really sh#$ty and not even because I’m scared, but because telling my educator and the hospital I’m trying to learn at that my ex boyfriend is psycho is embarrassing for me! Also, lowkey embarrassed that I dated a guy without knowing he stalked me for over a year prior to our relationship.

Not to mention I’m spiraling between laughing hysterically at what my life has come to and just wanting to straight up end it all because I’m so tired of being on edge all the time. It’d be easier to just sleep and not wake up. I haven’t gotten a full night of sleep in weeks though, so…thanks.

Also, literally self defense stuff is so expensive I hate it so much, like yes my safety is important, but who has this much money to spend? But I have to spend it because even the cops say they can’t help unless he’s actively attacking me and getting a protective order is great and all but it doesn’t mean s#$t if they won’t follow it!!!! Ughhhh! F you AH, you know who you are.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Theaz13 wrote:

OP this sucks so much, I’m sorry. Just wanted to say I would be shocked if your educator or the hospital are judging you in any way. You are not the first person in that process who has an ex who won’t control his own feelings and behaviour and makes his failure to do so other people’s problem. They will literally have policies on this because it’s a thing that happens.

They will worry for you and hope you are ok, and want to help you figure out how to keep on track while some jerk tries to make the whole world change cause he doesn’t like the feelings he’s experiencing. So please don’t be embarrassed. I have never known anyone who has been involved in helping someone safety plan when felt anything but glad to help, and furious on the victim’s behalf.

excludedgirl wrote:

Pepper spray shouldn’t be too expensive, you can even get it at sporting goods stores. The only way to stop this might be to harm him before he harms you.

funfranks wrote:

I am in a different country. I will do everything possible to help you get to safely if you reach out. Signed a concerned Neighborhood Mom.