'My BF is FURIOUS that I’m breaking up with him after he insisted on opening our relationship.' AITA?
"My boyfriend is furious that I’m breaking up after he insisted on opening our relationship?"
My boyfriend and I (both in early 30s) have been in a relationship for almost four months. From the beginning, the topic of an open relationship came up, and I was very clear that I wanted something exclusive. Eventually, we agreed that we could revisit the discussion after one year and see how I felt about it.
At the time, I already suspected I wouldn’t be okay with it, but I liked the idea of spending a year with him, so I thought I could cross that bridge when we got there or we can break up with good memories.
However, during a chill night together recently, he suddenly brought up the topic again and told me that he definitely wants an open relationship after one year. It was kind of out of nowhere because it was not even one of our topics recently. This instantly made me sad—not angry—because I was already struggling with the relationship in other ways.
I had been trying to convince myself that I could deal with certain issues, such as his tendency to be selfish in many topics, ignoring my emotions if they are not matching with his, and an intimate life that hasn’t been as fulfilling as I’d hoped (even though I brought up the subject so many times).
I told him that his timing really upset me because I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation, especially when we were already dealing with other issues. He apologized for bringing it up after seeing how sad I was. But the next day, I realized I was done.
When I told him, he got angry and upset, saying I hadn’t even thought it through, that our physical life was just fine, and that I was making up problems in my head. He also said that we had promised each other a great one-year relationship, and now I was just giving up.
I’m actually not someone who quits things easily. But the way he handled this topic—with such a strong focus on what he wants, rather than how I might feel—made me even more frustrated.
And at this point, I don’t even feel like I can bring up how I feel, because it would just make him angrier and he wouldn’t consider what I say. Now I’m wondering if I should have even started this relationship in the first place. Am I being unreasonable for ending things? I do not want to feel guilty...
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
RukiaBleach said:
You're absolutely not being unreasonable. You set clear boundaries from the start, and he chose to ignore them. A healthy relationship values mutual respect and emotional safety. Leaving isn’t giving up, it’s choosing yourself. You deserve better.
JMarie113 said:
You should never have dated him. He was clear he wants an open relationship. You were never on the same page. Better to end it now. You don't want the same things.
ed_lv said:
NTA. You made the best decision possible by leaving him. He's still trying to convince you that your feelings are not legitimate and that they don't matter. It's only been 4 months, just block him and move on. You don't owe him absolutely anything, and any further conversation with him is just a waste of time.
LaFrosh said:
NTA. He didn't want to have a great one-year relationship. He wanted an f-buddy, a FWB. One explanation why he treated you so poorly with not enough respect to show you his appreciation of you.
That is was a great boyfriend does: shows appreciation, treats you well, ensures you are happy through whatever he can do. (And vice versa ofc). He never committed and now he is gaslighting you. You deserve better. Don't lower your standards, which seem pretty healthy.
eevee135 said:
Nta for leaving now small yta for even trying when you knew what he wanted in the long run wasn’t something you’d be okay with.
HollyJeans88 said:
You’ve only been together for 4 months and this relationship shouldn’t have happened. He was clear he wanted an open relationship at the beginning, and you were clear it wouldn’t work for you. So be glad you’re not wasting anymore time with him. Don’t feel guilty, you can end a relationship for any reason. NTA