'AITA for leaving my boyfriend after he insisted I 'prove' my love?'
"AITA for leaving my boyfriend after he insisted I 'prove' my love?"
I (28F) was dating my boyfriend (32M) for about two years, and at first, everything seemed great. He was charming, thoughtful, and always knew what to say to make me feel special. But over time, things started to change in subtle ways that I ignored—until I couldn’t anymore.
At first, it was little tests. “If you really love me, you’ll text me goodnight first.” “If you cared, you’d cancel your plans and stay with me tonight.” They seemed harmless, even sweet in a way, but then it escalated.
A few months ago, I got a big promotion at work. I was ecstatic, but his reaction was…off. Instead of celebrating, he got quiet. Then he asked me if I would still “prioritize our relationship” over my career. I told him that nothing would change, but he seemed skeptical. He started making comments about how he felt like he was “competing” with my job, how he wished I would show him he was “number one.”
Then the real test came. Last week, he asked me to move in with him. On paper, it made sense—his place was bigger, closer to my office, and we spent most nights together anyway. But something in my gut told me to wait. When I hesitated, he got upset. He said, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t need time to think about it.” That’s when it clicked.
I realized that every major step in our relationship had come with a condition. I wasn’t proving my love—I was proving my obedience. And when I didn’t comply, I was made to feel guilty. So instead of proving my love, I proved something else: that I was done.
I told him I needed space. He begged, he got angry, he called me selfish. Then he tried to flip the script and say I was the one who didn’t love him enough. But I stood my ground. I packed my things and walked away.
Now, he’s been texting me non-stop, calling me cold and heartless, telling me I “gave up on us over nothing.” But I don’t think it was nothing. AITA for leaving instead of proving my love?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Teeth_Of_The_Hydra97 said:
I’m so glad you had this clear-headed epiphany. NTA.
CruelTasteOfLust said:
NTA never lose freedom and independence, that’s when they starting treating you bad.
SmartNotRude said:
NTA. You didn't give up over nothing, you gave up because you realized that his behavior was unacceptable and you deserved better. Kudos to the promotion in your professional and personal lives!
Max_Danger_Power said:
He sounds like a manipulative creep. NTA.
KnivesandKittens said:
NTA. "If you love me you will do as I say'' is not love. That is a blatant control technique. It would have got worse the longer you stayed. You were smart to stop it now.
uberprodude said:
NTA. As I'm sure you now know, even little tests are never really harmless because they prove that your partner can't trust your love for them, they have to be explicitly shown in their own way on their own terms.
And those are the best of cases. As with your situation, it's much more likely to be proving obedience or subservience than it is to prove love. Well done, on getting out of there before it was too late