'My BF and I went Instagram official, now I’m being accused of cheating on a man I’ve been rejecting for years.' UPDATED

"My boyfriend and I went Instagram official, now I’m being accused of cheating on a man I’ve been rejecting for years."

Hi internet, this is a long one with please bare with me. Also my minds all over the place so please excuse any grammar errors. Lastly my boyfriend's sister a huge fan of the podcast and told me that I should ask you all for advice. I 21f and my boyfriend 23m just became Instagram official, although we have been seeing each other for about 8 months now.

He's truly is my soulmate and have truly never been happier. We are in the process of moving in together. Now for the other guy. We where in the same friend group throughout school. I lived in a small town and went to a small school. I had a real set group of friends since elementary school, the other guy, lets call him David (fake name) joined our group in high school.

He ended up getting at job at the same restaurant I worked at and we became even better friends. That was until about my second year into highschool when I went to homecoming with one of our mutual friends (lefts call him John). After John and I went to homecoming together David started to completely cut John and I out.

Convinced the group to stop hanging out with us at lunch or outside of school, and completely gave me the cold shoulder at work. That was until me and John decided we would be better off as friends. Then everything went back to normal. After that prom came around and David asked if I would go with him. I politely declined.

He kept insisting and I kept saying no, and that my best friend Tracy and I where going without dates because she recently got out of a relationship and wanted to go with just the girls. Later at prom found out that he texted Tracy before hand asking what color dress I was wearing and showed up in the same color tux.

All night made comments about how we looked "like a couple" and "this would have been funner as a date". After that I avoided him as much as possible. A couple months later he started a dating this girl a town over. And I got into a couple year long toxic relationships (that I won't get into but is important). David and I lost touch.

Later me and my ex broke up and coincidently David and his girlfriend broke up too. And he reached out. Me being a good friend listened to his sob story about breaking up with his ex and how toxic she was to him. Then started bringing up that he might be ready to date again and that he was looking for someone like me.

I mentioned that I wasn't ready to date anytime soon and said I hope he finds someone else and whatever he was looking for. After that I graduated early and moved away for school. Stopped reaching out to the group. David texted me daily, I maybe replied monthly. He would ask to come see me, ask me to fly out and see him, I always declined.

And finally ghosted him altogether (rude I know but idk what to do). Now to the present. After I posted pictures of me and my boyfriend all my friends from high school started flooding my DMs asking me how I could be such a heartless b#$ch and how I could cheat on David. I told them that we never dated and I had been rejecting him since high school.

He apparently told our friends that I was the reason him and his ex broke up cause we "where too in love with each other" and told our friends that we actually went to prom together. And told them that we where doing long distance. Apparently he even told his mom that he wanted to marry me and even asked her for her ring. (Got an angry dm from her about it too.)

All this time I've made it very clear I don't like him. And now everyone says I lead him on. My boyfriend and his sister think that everyone is insane to think I lead him on and thinking I'm awful.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Cause how am I leading on a man to the point he thinks we are dating even when we haven't talked in 5 months and telling our mutual friends he wants to marry me when I've been rejecting him for years.

The internet did not hold back their concerns.

pomksy wrote:

You need a restraining order. He’s seriously disturbed.

OP responded:

Omg that’s terrifying, I’m sorry that happened to you! People can be psycho! My boyfriend and I are looking getting one he’s works in law enforcement and worried that there isn’t enough incriminating evidence like actively stalking me or following me etc. (To my knowledge but I wouldn’t put it past him) get a restraining order.

Thatsnotreallytrue wrote:

How did "all your friends" think you were dating someone you weren't dating and not know who you were actually dating for 8 months?

OP responded:

We just didn’t really talk after I moved, just kind of did the “omg I miss you” texts and not much more and didn’t really even hear about theres lives unless it was through photos or social media. For example I didn’t even know Tracy got engaged until she posted on her instagram.

whatwoahashley wrote:

That's absolutely a him problem. A very potentially dangerous problem that could very well turn into a you problem. Time to stop being nice. Clear the air and make it absolutely concrete that you are NOT interested in your inner circle and keep that man blocked at the very minimum. At the end of the day, this man doesn't understand consent and that alone is enough to completely cut him off.

OP responded:

Planning on either texting everyone individually or making a public post stating my evidence/ side of the story IG, then blocking everyone. Really puts a tell on how these people view me if there able to say such horrid things about me without even knowing the full story.

whatwoahashley responded:

It is disturbing that he was able to create this narrative of you both to your mutual friend group and instead of asking you, they immediately accused you. The well is poisoned in my opinion and with knowing what you know now, these friends absolutely do not have your back.

It's understandable that maybe his own mother could be led on to believe him from just what he said but what evidence did the friends have to immediately assume that what he said was 100 percent the truth? They're also friends with you, or at least say they are.

OP responded:

Truly. Maybe it’s cause they still live in that small town and see each other often? Maybe it cause we didn’t talk as much as we used to? I don’t know, but I do know that I can make new friends and can just leave them all in the past.

Krystal_with_a_k wrote:

I’m really curious on how your “friends” just believed his lies. This is genuinely terrifying. I hope you stay safe and definitely show them proof that he’s been lying. Then I’d probably cut them off because clearly, they weren’t great friends to begin with if it took so little to convince them that you’re that type of person. I’m sorry!! Please stay safe!!

OP responded:

Same here! I’m going to have a talk with one of our mutual friends that didn’t automatically accuse me of cheating to try and figure out why this lie had spread and why it’s so believable! And will update when I learn more!! Will update soon! You stay safe too!!

gobsmacked247 wrote:

I know there is a “show the receipts” concept floating around and I think that’s what’s needed here. Don’t share with everyone but pick one or two people that you know will tell other people. Tell them how confused you are about this whole mess and share some screen shots of your conversations. End the query with an “Am I crazy?”

A week later OP shared an update.

Hi everyone! I want to thank everyone for your advice and make some clarifications! I saw some people asking for an update! Also I don’t know how I’m supposed to really make an update so if I did it wrong please let me know.

1- after I moved I lost a lot of contact with my friends and only really talk though social media if any and they see David on a regular basis cause they live in same town, I also have been back to visit since I moved.

2- I’m not on instagram much and rarely ever post (in fact I had no idea what reddit really was before my boyfriends sister) Looking back at it now maybe Instagram official was the wrong wording? Him and I went on a trip to Niagara Falls and was just posting some fun pictures from that trip and those where the first pictures I’ve posted of us.

Last post I made on instagram was some graduation pictures from 2021. In total I have made 2 posts on instagram. After I made my first post another mutual friend named Carly reached out. She didn’t automatically accuse me of cheating but did ask to talk because she’s just as confused about this situation.

So Sunday we FaceTimed and she told me everything David did and said so far. After I moved David started alluding to us having a long distance relationship. Apparently he would “visit” me every weekend and would send “Goodmorning Streaks” on Snapchat (I don’t have Snapchat and never did) in a bed with a girl that had the same color hair as me. And did this every weekend.

My friends ask him if I would ever come out to visit him and all of them. He said that I would cause I was “too busy”. They all would tell him how he was such a wonderful boyfriend for always traveling to see me. So I asked her if I could see the photos and Carly sent them to me. I told Carly that the bed frame and sheets look nothing like mine.

We talked more and I sent her the screenshots that I had of me rejecting and not speaking to David. I asked if David had sent any other pictures of us together with my face in it. She said yes and that David had sent a photo of us together last weekend and said he didn’t start sending photos with my face of us until last month.

The photo was apparently us sitting on a park bench together. Here’s the kicker though. Since high school I have gotten a 2 full arm flower tattoos. The photo my arms was bare. I told her that and her and I got more confused, did he find a look alike? Was he paying her to pretend to be me?

So I showed the pictures with my face in it to my boyfriend and he pointed out some details. One, all the photos are black and white. 2, in one of the backgrounds there was a small stock image logo. 3, the photos look like they where directly taken off my mothers Facebook from 6 years ago. But just distorted. (Bigger chest and hips)

My boyfriend believes David might be using photoshop to create those photos and using those photos to convey this f#$ked up delusion he has. I know David was huge into technology in high school so I wouldn’t run it past him. I ended up sending all my evidence privately to those who accused me and David’s mother then shortly blocked them all after.

My mother also blocked people on facebook she didn’t know. (She’s older and doesn’t quite understand the dangers of the internet or not to click on the links she gets from random emails). My boyfriend and I decided that we weren’t going to take the legal route right away unless this comes up again.

We also have decided to get more cameras around our new home and I now carry pepper spray on my key chain. We also are looking into other safety measures so if you have any suggestions all are welcome. For all of those who had said they are going those/ gone through something similar, I am so sorry.

The world is such a dangerous place and I truly believe none of you deserve any of that stress, trauma or pain. I hope your situations all have a positive and justified outcome. Remember to take care of yourself and as you really did help me see that it isn’t your fault. I’ll update again if there’s any major changes. That being said I hope you all have a wonderful day!

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Beautiful-Aerie7576 wrote:

Get your evidence and everything you have to the police now. This is exactly the kind of thing they need to provide you with a restraining order against him, and so they’ll be able to help you in the future. You’ve just blown up his (lie)life. Everyone around him should now know that he’s the kind of person who would do this.

He will not blame himself, he will 100% blame you, and he will attempt to make you pay for what “you” have done (note that I didn’t say what he’s done. He cannot think of it that way.) The precautions you’ve taken are great, but you need this on file with the police, yesterday, as his reaction will be likely immediate.

Fried_onion_rings wrote:

This reminds me of some of the posts guys make on here about their gf cheating and when they describe the relationship my immediate question is ‘are you sure she knows you’re dating her.'

People can be really creepy.

Mentioninnner4448 wrote:

Well, s#$t. Sorry this is happening, dunno if I have any practical advice. I think I can explain the pictures, though.

AI image generators are advanced enough that you can show them what specific people look like, and then say "make a picture of this person sitting with me on a bench" and it will give you a pretty convincing image. Not sure if this is more or less creepy than finding a live lookalike, but it seems more likely since you said he's really into tech.

WildBlue2525Potato wrote:

Not sure where you live so you need to do some research. Contact law enforcement about stalking laws. See if you qualify to get a restraining order. That man is stalking you. He is obsessed. He is delusional. You need to contact the police and make a report. You need to have mutual friends keep an eye on him.

This can, all too easily, become dangerous. If possible, consider moving. Change your phone number. Limit social media activity. Lock down your profiles absolutely everywhere. Carry a taser and/or pepper spray ALWAYS. Be aware of your surroundings. Never park in unlighted areas at night.

And your bf needs to do the same things as he could well be targeted also. The list of people who were killed by their stalkers is long and ugly. And, these days, if someone is skilled at internet research, it is much more difficult to evade a dedicated search. Back when I had my dangerous stalker, evading one was much easier than it is now.