'AITA for not cherishing my boyfriend because he's constantly broke and angry?'

"AITA for not cherishing my broke boyfriend of 3 years?"

Faithlessness_Winter says:

My (34 F) boyfriend (36 M) is a musician. He loves music, but he needs mental space and physical space to make music. He hasn't made any new music in 3 years. When I met him, he sent me his songs and I was impressed. He plays once a week in a pub and that's about it.

He was living with his dad when I met him, and he told me that he had just moved in with him because he does construction work all over the country and doesn't want to waste money on rent when he only comes back for a few days before he has to head off again.

It made sense. He also told me that he's waiting on a call for construction in a few weeks, but weeks turned into months and months into years. He went on one stage construction job in these 3 years. He blames the immigrants for lack of blue-collar jobs, and he blames lack of space for not making music.

He casually moved in with me without any discussion. He just started to spend the nights, and we never had the conversation. I felt awkward discussing budget, so I paid the rent, electricity, groceries, etc.

Then I found a permanent job in a different city, and I had to move. It created friction between us, and we separated for a week, but soon got back together promising each other that we would find a way. It's been 1.5 years since I moved to another city.

He stays at his dad's 2.5 days a week for his gig and to take care of his two kids (from a previous relationship) who stay with him two nights a week, and then I pick him up and drop him off because he doesn't have a car.

He does take the train once or twice a month, but that's about it. I am still paying all my rent, electricity, bins, groceries, and on top of that, for gas to pick him up and drop him back.

He is always broke. He has only finished high school, which makes his options limited. I have a PhD, and I earn much more than him. He also has anger issues, making it difficult for him to hold a job.

Why am I with him? He cooks like his life depends on it, packs me lunches, cleans the house, does the laundry, freezes food for me when I'm not there, and spends any money he has on me and his kids.

I love him. The financial strain is draining me, keeps me stressed, and I have no idea what the future looks like. Is it normal for a man to be broke in a relationship? I come from a very modest background, so I don't have a safety net. Also, look at our age. Am I the as^#@ole for not cherishing his gentle side and stressing over finances?

Here are some of the comments from people online.

ImAnNPCsoWhat says:

NTA. Finances are important. Unfortunately love just is not enough if the other needs aren't met. Maybe he could get a job as a cook? He could do janitorial work. Blaming immigrants is a bigot's excuse. He could get a job that he seems beneath him and lessen the financial strain on you. He could take the train. He could get a bike.

His comfort and dreams matter, but not more than yours. You've been sacrificing for him and he has not. Conversely, if you were fine with a SAH partner who keeps house then he'd be perfect for you.

Ambroisie_Cy says:

People with anger issues don't just have difficulties to hold a job. This also translate into their personal life. So is it really just a problem at work? I think you need to take a good look at your present life and see if this is something you really want in the long run. NTA.

facinationstreet says:

"Why am with him? He cooks like his life depends on it, packs me lunches, cleans the house, does the laundry, freezes food for me when I'm not there" That answers nothing. You could HIRE someone to do these things for you and pay less emotionally than the past 3 years. YTA if you actually thing you are 'cherishing' anything other than a loser who has no intention of doing anything in life.

First-Ad-5559 says:

NTA. What is there to cherish? You can hire someone to clean, cook, and do your laundry. One of the biggest issues in marriage is money. If it is an issues now, just wait. Get out while you still can. He has spent 3 years showing you who he is. Believe him.

What do you think?