'My BF said I’m the 'prettiest when I shut up' in front of his friends. AITA for my reaction?' UPDATED

"My boyfriend said I’m the 'prettiest when I shut up' in front of his friends."

My BF (25M) and I (22F) were invited to a birthday party of his friend. The people at this event were all close friends of his from his contract job and I barely know these people. Everything was going fine and my bf was clearly having a great time. But at some point, I was telling a story from my school days when my bf interrupted and said “You know, [my name] is prettiest when she shuts up.”

Everyone laughed and my bf just kept going saying “You guys don’t know what I go through. She never stops talking. Istg sometimes I tune her out for my own sanity" or something along those lines. I'm usually really introverted but when I warm up to someone, I'm the type to talk a lot.

So when he said these words, I felt SO embarrassed and humiliated, especially since he said it so casually in front of people I don't even know. I tried to brush it off but I got quiet after that. Later after the party was over, I told him how hurtful his comment was. He rolled his eyes and said I was being too sensitive and that it was just a joke and I was making a big deal out of nothing.

He said I embarrassed him by acting cold for the rest of the night and that I should learn to take a joke. He also told me if I couldn’t learn to lighten up, maybe I shouldn’t come to events with his friends anymore, even though he was the one who asked me to come in the first place. I feel so awful and confused. AITA for getting upset and killing the vibe?

The internet had OP's back all the way.

Boopsie-Daisy-469 wrote:

So his options for your social settings are that you’re “cold” or you talk too much?! He’s more concerned that you embarrassed him than that you’re hurt by his immaturity?! Nice to know he’s such a one-dimensional jacka$$. He doesn’t think of you as a real person and he shouldn’t have a split second more time in your life.

SpiffyLegs73 wrote:

If he doesn’t like the sound of your voice, do him and yourself a favor by never wasting another breath in his space again. He’s an a$$, you can do better and are only wasting your time the longer you stay in his orbit.

MysticEveClair wrote:

Nah girl you’re not too sensitive he’s just too disrespectful. Publicly humiliating your partner for laughs is a massive red flag & the fact that he doubled down instead of apologizing? ?? If he thinks you’re prettiest when you shut up maybe he’d look best when he walks away.

zucheenee wrote:

NTA, your bf straight up doesn't like you. If he feels so emboldened to insult you in front of his friends, this behavior will only get worse.

UFC_Ring_Girl wrote:

He sounds like a f#$kwit. So do his friends.

Rude-Flamingo5420 wrote:

Would you treat him that way? Doubt it.

He's a terrible human being and you deserve better The best part (take it from my 42yr old.self) once you dump his sorry @$$ you open yourself up to better. You WILL find love again, trust me.

Sudden-Pomegranate95 wrote:

This is the start of ab#$e. My dad acted like this with my mother. She was always the butt of his jokes and everyone laughed but we hated it. It started out like this and then went on to fat jokes/ bad in bed jokes/nagging jokes etc etc. Everyone thought it was harmless fun but he was an alcoholic and beating us all behind closed doors.

My mum always laughed along and I resent her for it honestly. I know it sounds awful but I viewed her as a very weak woman and it’s caused me and my siblings to have very toxic relationships and anger issues.

People like to brush things off and give them the benefit of the doubt because “it’s just a joke.” It’s only a joke if both parties involved find it funny, if not it’s just an insult. I can genuinely see this going really sinister.

Two days later, OP shared a major update.

I broke up with him. We had been dating for two years and it was the first time he'd acted that way, so I was genuinely conflicted and I wasn't sure if the 'joke' really flew over my head. But I decided to leave.

It takes me a lot of effort to come out of my shell, and I feel uncomfortable to stay with someone who doesn't like that. My self-esteem is usually real low but this time I spoke up for myself once in a longgg time.

We broke up over text. It sucked since he kept bringing up all his contract job friends over me again and again. These are people he acquainted with less than 7 months ago, so that alone told me some things. Ig I won't be missing anything since he ended our text with "bye idgaf."

Thanks for all the sweet comments. At the time I wrote the post, I was feeling a lot down and cried a lot. I'm a bit sensitive so I teared up reading some comments. Thanks again. I hope everyone has a nice day <3

The internet was glad to hear an update.

avid-learnerbot wrote:

Taking control of your own happiness is so empowering. It's not easy to stand up for yourself, especially when it comes to relationships and social situations. I totally get the struggle of wanting to fit in with someone’s friend group while also wanting to be true to who you are.

The fact that you recognized what was happening and made a decision to prioritize your own comfort is really commendable. It's great that you're speaking up for yourself more, even if it feels a bit daunting at first. You deserve to feel comfortable and respected in any relationship. Hang in there.

Garonman wrote:

I have a son and daughter at and near your age. Proud of you for standing up for yourself.

You are going to be just fine. Just get him out of your system and spend time with friends and family who do actually care for you unlike that jerk.

Away-Elephant-4323 wrote:

Proud of you girl! Go get yourself some food and flowers and enjoy a movie, self care and happiness is best! ❤️

Flynn_JM wrote:

I foresee him begging you for forgiveness in the near future when he realizes his work friends don't really give af about him longterm.