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'My boyfriend of six years disappeared while I was out of town. I don't know what to do.' UPDATED 4X

'My boyfriend of six years disappeared while I was out of town. I don't know what to do.' UPDATED 4X


It's one thing to get ghosted, it's another thing entirely to have someone go missing on you.

"My (32F) boyfriend (35M) of six years disappeared while I was out of town and I don't know what to do?"

Last Tuesday evening I (32F) came home from a being out-of-town for two weeks for work, my boyfriend (35M) Nate was supposed to pick me up from the airport but once I got in, I wasn't able to get ahold of him and he never showed up, I was a little annoyed but no too worried because I figured he had fallen asleep.

(When I talked to him earlier that morning he said he didn't sleep very well the night before and was going to lay down before he had to come get me) so I called my sister for a ride home. When I got home Nate was no where to be found, I checked the garage an his car was gone, so I sent him a text asking where he was and headed up stairs to unpack.

When I open the closet to put my things away I saw that almost all of his clothes were gone. At this point I'm confused, so I start calling him it just keeps ringing and then going to voicemail. I check his office and everything is still there, everything in the house is still there and in place except his clothes and his car.

I'm really starting to freak out at this point, so I call my sister and she comes over and we both try calling and messaging him and still get no answer. His computer and his laptop are both still in his office, I logged on to his computer and my sister his laptop (I know all his passwords) but we didn't find anything out of the ordinary, so I started searching his desk and found his iPad in the top drawer.

I logged into it and checked everything I could think of and found nothing out of the ordinary, my sister suggested checking the find my iPhone app on his iPad to see if we find out where his phone was. We logged into the app and see that his phone was pinging in the next state over, I starting calling him again but still got no answers to my calls or text.

I really start to lose it here, my mind starts going all over the place trying to figure out what could be going on, I called the police because I think someone has to have done something to him. The police came out but they said there wasn't much they could do because he hasn't been gone long and his clothes missing was sign the he left on his own violation.

Over the last few days I've done everything I can to contact him, He doesn't have any family except for a brother that he cut ties with before I met him, I found him online and sent him a message but he said he hasn't seen or heard from Nate in years.

I keep checking his phones location and since Saturday morning it has been pinging in the same location in the PNW, I took off work for the rest of the week and my sister and I are flying up there to go to the location his phone is pinging. Has anyone ever dealt with something like this before? How do I even confront him, what if he is with another woman, what if he isn't there or worse?

I am so lost and hurt right now, my mind is all over the place, I can’t think straight, I’m so lost right now.

TL;DR my(32F) boyfriend (35M) of six years disappeared while I was out of town, haven't been able to contact him but his phone is pinging in the PNW and I am going to confront him tomorrow.

Shortly after posting, OP shared an update.

Edit: Yes I have called or messaged all of his friends, none of them have seen or heard from him, I do have access to his bank account as we have a joint account but not his business account. He last used his debt card Friday night in a town west of Seattle Washington.

He owns his own business but has taken a step back over the last year so he doesn't communicate with them regularly, they haven't heard from him since last month. I am 5 months pregnant and we have known for 3 months, he did become a bit reserved and withdrawn since we found out but its not uncommon for him to do that every so often especially around this time of year.

I don't truly believe that he would abandon me and his child, that's just not the type of man he is but I don't know what to think anymore.

The comments kept rushing in.

Big_fat_happy_baby wrote:

This situation is weird as f#$k. Be careful out there, use common sense. If you can, get law enforcement involved in your destination, if only for your protection.

usernaym44 wrote:

OP buried the lede: she’s pregnant and bf lost or is estranged from his family. Dude is freaking the f#$k out and needs therapy.

Posterbomber wrote:

In the morning see if you can find an attorney to go to the p*lice with you to file a missing persons report. Don't let let a c*p tell you what it looks like. Force them to do their jobs and locate him.

StinkyKittyBreath wrote:

I would be worried about three main things:

1. Him cheating and leaving you for somebody else. He possibly has been there a while. 2. A mental health break.

3. Dr**s.

Possibly more than one. Be careful. Contact the police. See if you can even get an escort for a wellness check.

OP soon jumped on with another update.

Small update: First I want say thank you to everyone for suggesting the welfare check epically We called the the department where his phone is pinging and they have sent someone over to see if they can make contact with him. It's been over an hour and we are still waiting to hear back.

I am hopeful but still have a overbearing since of dread. All I want to know right now is that he is okay and I can figure out everything else later, I just need to know he is okay.

More comments came rushing in.

green_granite_ wrote:

This is extremely odd. I think he meant to be home before you returned from your trip, regardless of if he is up to something or not, which makes me think something may have happened. If you're going yourself OP please exercise extreme caution.

einsteinGO wrote:

His work stuff is still at home in the office and the police aren’t helping right now. In your position given that there’s not more family to contact, I’d reach out to his job. Also close friends he has outside of you. Then circle back to the cops. I’m sorry, how terrifying.

OP responded:

He owns his own business and they haven't heard from him, none of his friends have heard from him either. The p*lice in the town where his phone is pinging are supposed to be on there way to the address to try and make contact.

UltimatelyExcited wrote:

It seems that you being pregnant may have made him want to close that chapter of his life. Maybe finally let go of the guilt now that he's finally starting a new family with you.

OP jumped back on a bit later with a far more thorough update.

UPDATE: The police were able to do a welfare check and although they were unable to make direct contact with him they spoke to the couple who live at the house, they said they were old family friends and that he was there on Friday and Saturday but that he went to the Olympics Sunday morning to go hiking for a couple of days.

The officers informed them of what was going on and they told him, they believed he was okay and that they would contact me tonight to try and help explain the situation. What does that even mean? I am even more confused, our flight to Seattle is at 9:45am tomorrow and at this point we are still going, I hope these people do call but its been awhile now and I haven't heard anything.

Not long after, she shared another major and final update.

NEW UPDATE: I think this will be my final update, I have to get ready and get my stuff packed for the flight in the morning, I have just spent the last hour speaking to the couple who house he was at and they against his wishes told me what is going on.

They have known Nate since he was 12 years old, he started dating their daughter Ashley when they were in sixth grade and they counited dating all through middle school and high school. Ashley got pregnant toward the end of their senior year and they got engaged. I don't know how to even write this next part.

When their son was a 1.5 years old they were involved in an accident with a dr*nk driver, Nate was ejected from the car and Ashley and his son passed away in the accident. She said that he blames himself for it because according to him they were never supposed to be out that night and it was his fault they were.

She said he withdrew from them and everyone else and that up until last Friday that hadn't heard from him since he left. She has offered to come get my sister and I from the airport in the morning and she can try to answer any questions I have while we wait for him to return.

She said they know where he is, he is at the spot they spread their ashes, she said he told her that he need be with his son one more time before he let him go. I'm honestly in a total state of shock right now, I don't know what to think but I know he is in pain and I need to get to him and I can figure everything else after.

Thank you to all the kind people who reached out and offered your suggestions, I honestly don't think I would have this information right now if it wasn't for you all, so again thank you!

The internet had a lot to say in response.

hurr4drama wrote:

I feel like there have recently been a few other posts like this where an SO is triggered by a big life change and disappears or has a personality shift. Repressed trauma is so damn difficult and when that thing you’ve been avoiding pops up, it’s so hard to keep it up but the ppl around you also end up suffering while you figure it out.

OP seems like she’s ready to support him and I hope he gets therapy to finally process what happened. Saying he had to be with his son “one last time” before letting him go was so heartbreaking. It doesn’t have to be like that.

Therossian wrote:

The "my boyfriend was a hero and was in a coma after falling to save his niece from a distracted driver and now is acting weird cause I'm pregnant" post, as an example.

beforekarenwascool wrote:

This is heartbreaking all around. Certainly for him and the losses he is grieving, but also for a woman 5 months pregnant with a man who she probably thought she knew well enough to have a child with.

Dear-Ambition-73 wrote:

So for me, this would not be something I could come back from. To be left at the airport, I would not trust him to come to the hospital when it was time to deliver. It really, really sucks the OP had to find out about his past trauma this way.

Sources: Reddit
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