'My boyfriend told me he started dating me to 'bully' his brother. AITA for my reaction?' UPDATED

"My boyfriend told me he started dating me to 'bully' his brother. AITA for my reaction?"

I (24F) normally live with my boyfriend (25M) but spending the week with my cousin who lives about an hour away. (Btw bf and I been together 2 years). BF has been reaching out to me via FaceTime/ text everyday saying how much he misses me. Yesterday we FaceTimed and he said he can’t wait for me to come back. I laughed and said that it’s only been a week.

He paused and randomly said “crazy that I only started dating you because of my brother and I actually love you now. That wasn’t the plan hahah." He was laughing and reminiscing as if it’s all a fond memory. I got confused and asked him to explain. He grinned and said that his brother (24M) had a massive crush on me back then.

For some context, I met my BF at a gym. My bf worked there as a personal trainer and still does. He said that he used to tease his brother about it. He was like “I made it my personal mission to have you”. I was like wtf, so you started dating me to show off to your brother?? He put his hand up and said “hey it’s not as bad as it sounds."

He explained that he found me physically attractive though he admitted he didn’t like my ‘attitude’ so sleeping with me to “bully” his brother wasn’t a big hurdle. I was so pissed and confused but he said that it’s not a big deal and that I need to calm down etc.

We hung up and had this text back and forth I’m still so pissed and in disbelief. I feel like my entire relationship was based on a lie and I don’t even know what’s real anymore.

Text Messages

OP: So help me understand. you seriously only started dating me bc you wanted to make ****** feel bad?? am I hearing this right?

BF: Yes

OP: Why?? What kind of person does this? it's so f#$ked up?

BF: It's not that bad.

He was obsessed with you and it was funny to take what he wanted so desperately

It's a brother thing lol

OP: So it's a BROTHER THING to hurt each other ?
Do you even like me?

BF: Don't get me wrong, ut started as a prank but I fell in love with you. Yes you had an attitude but that only made it more ********** brains out haha. Don't think now that none of this is real. It is real and I'm not lying to you babe. Not anymore. I wouldn't still be here if I didn't like you.

OP: SO ****** had a crush on me and he was obsessed according to you. Instead of being supportive of your brother you decided to make a move on me just to make him feel worse and you see nothing wrong with that?

You know this tells me everything I need to know about u as a person. Are u a sociopath? What's f#$ked up is that he's a nice person and literally the least deserving of this f#$ked up treatment you're giving him

BF: I can't believe what I'm hearing and reading and u think all of this is normal. Why pity him lol. He's fat. He's in his room 24/7. Never had a GF. He's a loser. Losers don't get nice things. I mean all he can do is jerk to you hahaha. If he wanted you he should've been a man, don't you think? No one forced your hand You wanted me because I made your **** tingle

BF: He simped from the distance hoping you would give him a chance.

But you're a woman so I don't expect you to understand.

OP: So Im a thing now? Why are you speaking of me as if I'm some object to brag about?? Just stop texting me now I don't wanna hear anything from you

BF: Babe. You're making this a bigger deal than it is. It's just a funny memory. It's just a brothers thing. No big deal.

Babe? Cmon PMS? He's a kissless overweight virgin. If I don't teach him life lessons who will I'm doing him a favor. He should be thanking me.

OP: Stop texting me or I'll block you. I need some time to myself.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts one bit.

-sana- wrote:

NTA ,Your bf is an AH just look at his tone and how he talks about his brother, well you really were a thing for him, he would have left you long ago if he didn't fall in 'love' with you. Seriously no matter how much he loves you, I think it's crazy.

fckinsleepless wrote:

Also how he talks about you OP. “You wanted me because I made your ***** tingle” “all he can do is jerk to you” that’s so gross honestly. My husband has never spoken to me like this.

Little_Kitchen8313 wrote:

And then accusing her of having PMS? What an AH.

boobiesrkoozies responded:

When I saw that bit I saw red omg. My husband would be close to meeting Jesus if he said that 😭. This whole interaction is sooo gross. And she wouldn't understand because she's a woman??? No buddy, I think she very much understands.

BeeFe420 wrote:

This is 100% not a brother thing. I'd move heaven and earth for my bro.

Four hours later, OP shared an update.

I broke up with my bf and planning on moving out (going back to my sister’s place while I figure out what to do next). I cancelled my gym membership at the gym he works at bc I don’t want to see his face anymore.

I texted his brother that i found out everything because my ex was stupid enough to confess his stupid scheme like I wouldn’t dump him over it. I told his brother that I’m sorry for the hurt he’s been through and that im always here to listen if he wants to talk.

— EDIT: can yall stop telling me to have s#x with his brother? It's getting weird. Real life is not p0rn you weirdos.

The internet kept sharing their thoughts.

Specific_Put_3586

100% correct decision. Your ex is a manipulative pos and might even be dangerous to be around. Not necessarily violent, but people like this have a tendency to be reckless both physically and emotionally. Strong move, OP. Stay away from that a-hole.

Jaesha_MSF

Great update OP. Your relationship was built on an incredibly insensitive and manipulative act. When someone shows you who they really are believe them. Glad you put him in your rear view mirror. When he comes begging for you to come back, don’t fall for it. He misses his bang maid and girlfriend appliance, so take that as it really is. In all honesty please stay far away from that family because the damage probably runs deep.

lyssa57

I saw this update posted a minute ago. I'm sure this will be hard but it's the right call OP, good luck going forward 🖤.

TelephoneContent8692 wrote:

Proud of you OP, I know on here everyone jumps to the vengeful, spiteful course of action (sleeping w his brother), which would quite literally be just repeating the cycle (sleeping with someone to hurt someone else)! I can’t imagine how horrific this is for you, but you absolutely made the right decision.

I don’t know if you had friends in common or if you knew your ex’s friends, but I would 1000% guarantee that his friends knew about the scheme, and maybe even joke with them about how falling in love with you was “not the plan."

I think it was sweet of you to check in with his brother, though I don’t know if you should keep in contact with him in case your ex uses him as a leverage piece to get you to contact him— especially if he knows you really empathize with his brother.

He is obviously cruel and will probably take it out on his brother if he gets access to you in anyway, even just texting, while he cannot. Overall I think this blowing up in his face is the perfect revenge, because now he will actually be hurt losing you if he really did fall in love with you.

I totally understand you questioning whether he actually did (fall in love with you that is), and maybe believing that to protect your peace and move on is the right move! Please give updates if you feel comfortable, we are all rooting for you! Glad you have a place to say, I’m sorry about all of this, but better it comes out now than 5 more years from now. 💗