'My boyfriend is strangely obsessed with his cousin he just met a year ago.'
"My (29F) boyfriend (30M) is strangely obsessed with his cousin (22F) he just met a year ago. He tracks her location daily and ignores me while around her. Creeped out."
My boyfriend and I are both 30. About a year ago, at a family wedding, he "reconnected" with his younger female cousin (22F). I say reconnected, but they honestly never knew each other growing up because they lived in far-away places.
They effectively met as strangers last year. Ever since then, their dynamic has given me a really weird, "creepy" vibe that I can’t shake. I don't think he is physically attracted to her, but the emotional boundaries are nonexistent.
Here is why I feel uncomfortable:
The Phone Double Standard: When he is with me, he is constantly texting her. But when he is with her, he disappears off the face of the earth. No calls, no texts to me.
I brought this up, and his excuse was that he "doesn't use his phone much around his cousins." But he doesn't do this with other family members, and it feels strange that he can’t set his phone aside for me, but goes only replying/ low-contact with the me for her.
The Location Tracking. He tracks her live location every single day to "make sure she reaches home safely" from her office. She is an adult woman. She has her own boyfriend. Why isn't he tracking her? Why is my boyfriend acting like her guardian/partner? They text constantly about mundane things, but the daily tracking feels possessive and unnecessary to me.
The Recent Incident
I was recently traveling on an overnight bus of 10hrs. Usually, he is very attentive and picks up my calls or texts to make sure I’m safe during these trips. This time? Radio silence. He didn't message or call me at all.
I didn't hear from him until the next afternoon. When I finally got a hold of him and pressed for details, I found out it was because his cousin was visiting. He hadn't even told me she was coming. He basically ignored his girlfriend traveling on a night bus because he was too busy entertaining his cousin.
She is actually very nice to me, so I don't think she has bad intentions. But his behavior is making me feel crazy. It feels like he prioritizes her over me, and the intimacy of their "new" relationship feels off considering they are cousins who just met. I am not sure if I am overreacting, or is this dynamic actually inappropriate?
TL;DR: Boyfriend is obsessed with a cousin he met last year. Tracks her location daily, texts her constantly while with me, but ignores me completely when with her (including when I was on a bus trip). Feels creepy.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Doshalloween wrote:
Bro, this dude is physically attracted to his cousin.
OP responded:
I don't think so, Lowkey treats her like a daughter buying her things she needs and makes her eat as she's skinny.
MinuMinuhey wrote:
Have you ever read their conversations? It all definitely sounds super suspicious to me.
OP responded:
Yes, it is super boring what are you doing what are you eating did you come from office did you go to office.
mike_gt_98 wrote:
So. Many. Flags.
OP responded:
Please help me articulate. I really feel like I need to talk to him using the right words.
Tricky_seaweed7495 responded:
How about you talk to the cousin first and warn her that she’s being tracked daily. Is she even aware? Is she creeped out but scared to say anything in case it causes fights between family? Your bf is blatantly attracted to her and he’s not going to take an accusation of incest well. Telling him all the creepy things he does that upset you will not make him stop doing them, he’ll only hide it better.
Sheila_Monarch wrote:
A cousin he never actually met until adulthood isn’t registering as “cousin” to him. But it does give him convenient cover to be be inappropriate, invasive, and obsessive with her. Both to you and her. I’d like to know the pretext he used to get her to share her location with him. That is if she knows about it at all. Could have been a “I can fix that thing on your phone, let me see it a minute…”
StartledMilk wrote:
This is not normal behavior, even for a parental figure like you asserted in a comment. I’m sorry, but this is the behavior of someone who is attracted to someone, and also obsessive. Sadly, incest/attraction between cousins has been extremely common basically since forever. It may not be uncommon, but it’s still incest and should not be treated as normal or acceptable.
Him ignoring you while he’s around her yet always on his phone around you, often texting her, should be your biggest sign that he’s attracted to her. On top of tracking her location live. He also stopped checking in on you during a long trip when he used to check in with you. My ex would go on a few long trips and I’d often hangout with friends either at my place, theirs, or out and about.
I ALWAYS took the opportunity to either call or text to see how her travel was going. This is the behavior of someone who has found someone else they’re attracted to. He’s lost interest in you. Nothing you do will “bring him back” in a sense.
I’m not an expert in inc**tious attraction, but from what I’ve learned, it’s often very intense. I would advise you to leave him and make preparations to stay somewhere else if you live with him.