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'My boyfriend took 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' way too literally.' UPDATED 4X

'My boyfriend took 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' way too literally.' UPDATED 4X

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"My boyfriend took 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' way too literally. AITA if I walk away?"

Hi all. So my boyfriend (26M) and I (23F) had recently planned a trip to Las Vegas with a few of our other couple friends. There were supposed to be a total of 6 of us, but due to my sh-ty job, they denied my request off, and I unfortunately was unable to go. I wouldn't have cared so much about just missing work anyways to be honest, but I had just recently gotten this job.

Anyways, when I found out that I wasn't able to go, I was understandably upset and didn't really want my boyfriend to go either. Call me selfish, but I didn't want to sit at home alone while my boyfriend and our other friends were enjoying their time on a trip I was supposed to be on as well. We argued a bit for a few days about him going, and I eventually gave in and said he can just go.

We had set (in my eyes; we sat down and had a conversation) very clear boundaries about what was and what was not okay to do regarding girls, clubs, etc.

Some of my boundaries were: In exotic clubs, looking is allowed, money is okay to be thrown obviously because this is how these women make their money, no touching/grinding/dancing with other women, no talking to women in a flirting/suggestive way, no giving out your phone number to girls, and the obvious no kissing other people or having s-x with them.

There were some others that I don't think are that relevant to the story. He agreed to all these and we have a pretty good trust (most of my anger was coming from that fact that I wasn't able to go and have fun with them). So, when they went on the trip I was just sad and feeling bad for myself the whole time, but called my boyfriend every day to see what they were doing that day and if they were having fun.

I didn't suspect anything at all, our friends acted normal as did he. When he got back, one of our friends in our group, we'll call her Sarah, had pulled me aside to let me know that my boyfriend had in fact been grinding on women, taking them back to the airbnb and doing god knows what with them.

She said she had never heard anything that indicated they'd done something... but I'm not stupid, and I think she was trying to make the situation seem less severe. Needless to say, I freaked out immediately and confronted my boyfriend, who adamantly denied everything as I had expected.

I called the rest of our friend group behind his back to confirm, and every single one of them had said the same thing: almost every night he would get piss dr-nk (not the problem) and bring home a girl, sometimes two, and bring them to his bedroom and shut the door.

None of them admitted to hearing anything s-xual either. Again, not sure if I believe them. I have no proof but a gut feeling in my stomach tells me something further than just hanging out or cuddling happened.

Regardless, I confronted my boyfriend, saying I was getting fed up with him lying to me. He kept denying until he eventually fessed up and admitted everything, but seemed genuinely confused as to why i was mad, stating that "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" I literally stood there with the most shocked face.

I explained that we set these boundaries for a reason and that saying is JUST a saying and should not be taken literally, especially if you're in a relationship. Am I wrong here?? Like what?? There's not much more to add. We've been going back and forth for almost 2 days over this. I know he's not stupid.

He is literally studying to be a clinical psychologist. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that he genuinely believes in that saying and thinks it's a pass for his actions. I started contemplating whether hes manipulating or gaslighting me. If he is, I think it's working. I don't know what to believe. If he genuinely believes that that phrase holds any meaning, what should I do?

Should I leave him or try to work it out? This whole situation is turning me off from him. It feels childish, like a child trying so hard to convince their parents that they didn't know something they absolutely did know. In both scenarios, whether he genuinely believed that was a thing or that he's just using it as an excuse, I'm extremely turned off.

Part of me wants to work it out with him because we have been together for 3 years. I don't want to throw 3 years away because of something that happened on a vacation...but I'm just so torn right now. AITA if I walk away?

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

EDIT: Thank you all for the comments. I am genuinely taking all the advice and suggestions. I just woke him up to what he called an "argument" but I called it "sick of his BS" It's over for us. Will update as the process goes on. Thanks all again for all the supportive and helpful comments🙏🏽❤️

The internet kept the comments coming.

FantasticAnus wrote:

He cheated on you. He's apparently dumb as a brick or attempting to gaslight you over a phrase nobody should take seriously. He broke the boundaries you carefully laid down with him.

This is over, surely? Even beyond the cheating, the guy just seems gross. Three years probably seems like a lot, but if you stick around you're going to remember that you had the chance to take your exit when he showed his ass at three years, and you're going to be so annoyed that you stuck with him.

OP responded:

It is over. Absolutely. It is 7am and I've woken him up, telling him that he needs to start getting his belongings together as I no longer feel comfortable living under the same roof as him. We split rent, but my name is on the lease, I pay all the utilities, internet, etc., so I will have no problem being able to afford this apartment on my own, but he is already trying to start problems about moving out.

Some more "I seriously didn't know" and "I love you, if I wanted them I would have stayed there blah blah blah" BS. I already know that's BS because I constantly have people clowning me for not making him pay anything, soo I know not many people would go to the lengths that I try to, to make sure he's taken care of.

He's a full time college student at a private university (his family lives out of state so he has no family here but mine, but they have never really cared for him), doing an internship at the moment so I sure hope he can find somewhere to live and a way to survive without living off his girlfriend. 🤟🏽

hannahryder215 wrote:

Good for you! He should have money saved up to get a place with roommates or whatnot. Either way, it’s not your concern. He decided to CHEAT on you and then GASLIT you the entire time. Stay strong and don’t accept his platitudes. Don’t let him stay “until he finds a place.” Be firm.

OP responded:

Tell me why he just stormed out like a little boy after HE cussed ME out and called me a wh-re!! For what?? Like I've been sitting on my a$$ for a week, waiting for him to come back. I have been working, coming home, cleaning and sleeping. I don't have time to be a whore. I've genuinely never seen him act like this in the 3 years we've been together. It's kind of scary.

Honestly, a terrible mistake for him cause I literally locked the door as soon as he left. I'm gathering all his s-t right now just in a trash bag and putting it outside my door. I'm not sure if I'll have another chance to get him out. Once he's in, he's in.🙄 EDIT: We share a set of keys to our apartment and I have them.

yellowbin74 wrote:

What annoys me is that you asked the friend group and they all said "oh yeah girls every night " and only 1 actually said anything!!

OP responded:

I was kind of thinking about this as well, but I have bigger fish to fry right now than to confront them about that. I think I eventually will. The girl that told me is actually MY friend and has been my friend since we were like 13 or 14. I knew she'd always have my back. Regardless, I also did think it was shady of them and will definitely be re-evaluating my friendship with them as well.

After getting lots of feedback, OP shared another small update.

EDIT 2: I have not had s-x with him or done anything remotely s-xual with him since he got back🥳 (I found out that same day he got back), so I don't believe there is a risk for any ST!'s but I will get tested just in case! Especially since I guess or-l herpes are a possibility as well; I have kissed him.

The next day, OP shared two more updates.

EDIT 3: It's 1pm, and he left the house around 8:30-9am. As soon as he left I locked the door. I was literally so happy I got an opportunity to get him out because I knew once he'd get back in, knowing I was gonna break up with him, he wouldn't let me leave or something worse. I started gathering his stuff.

He has no key to the apartment since we share a set of keys, so I'm ready to hear him banging at the door later. To try to avoid this, I've left all his s-t plus (mostly) everything he bought, outside the door of the main entrance.

Our apartment buildings have an access code which we as tenants can request to change every 6 months. I'm going to talk to my landlord about that, as no one has requested to change the access codes in a couple years. He still hasn't returned or tried to call me, but I'm not waiting around. Everything he needs is outside the door🤣

*EDIT 4: He came back and let me tell you it was a s-t show, but better than what could have been! Sorry for taking a while to update. he showed back up at the apartment around 9:30pm , drunk, but relatively calm. I'm not sure if he was so dr-nk he didn't realize that his s-t was outside the MAIN building door, or if he just didn't care, but he walked right past his s-t and right to our apartment door.

I didn't realize he was there until I heard fumbling at the door and then finally realized he was back. I was sitting on the couch was was really not expecting him to come back, but when I heard that knock on that door, I knew it was him.

I didn't open the door all the way, and yelled through the door that we were over (I had texted him a heads up that I packed all his s-t, but didn't tell him where; I thought it would be obvious when he saw a pile of shit in garbage bags outside our building. He refused to "allow me to break up" but I help my ground and told him to leave.

He became increasingly agitated every time I would tell him he needs to f- off and leave. I wanted to tell and scream at him for being a piece of shit so bad, but was trying to be the mature one. I thought ignoring him would bore him but it didn't. After like 20 minutes of him hitting the door and screaming at it, one my my neighbors had texted me and asked me if she would like me to call the police.

My neighbor and I are not very close so she didn't know anything that was really going on, but definitely heard the thuds and the profanities he was screaming at him. I thanked her for her concern and told her I would give him another 10 minutes before I called the cops. I also gave him this warning and he just cussed me out and called me a wanker lol.

I eventually ended up calling the cops and as soon as they arrived, he complied and went with them. The officer said I can go to the courthouse the next day and file for an OP, to more seal the deal of him not being able to come to the apartment anymore, but obviously couldn't guarantee that it would stick since these were not necessarily violent pretenses.

He dropped his tough guy act as soon as the actual authority figures got there. As he was being escorted away (he was not put in cuffs as he was compliant 🙄), he switched from screaming profanities at me to begging for my forgiveness and apologizing.

What a mind f-k. So, I'm sitting here at 12:30am, trying to calm my mind and finally get some sleep. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my PCP to get tested, and I will stop at a hardware store to get some new locks for my apartment to be safe (I had to wait for my landlord's approval for the locks).

The access code is also being changed tomorrow by my landlord.

I really am grateful to have such understanding system around me, that is helping me get through this time. Even people I'm not even friends with. It means a lot. Thanks again to all the comments under this post, I wasn't expecting it to get this much attention haha.

Although some of you are AHs, the majority has respectfully given their input and I really appreciate and listen to every comment. Hopefully, this is my last update! At least for a while. However, I will update with the legal process or if anything else happens. Thanks all again for your love and support. The internet can be a great place sometimes❤️❤️

TLDR; there is none, you have no obligation to read this long ass post. If you don't like it, feel free to move onto the next post, cause I could give a rat's ass whether this was too long to read or not😚✌️*

The internet had a lot to say in response.

DruidWonder wrote:

There are hundreds of replies already so I doubt you're going to read mine. What I don't understand the most about this story is why you would let him be around those kinds of temptations as long as he doesn't do X Y and Z.

It's like you are giving him permission to be in environments where the chance of him cheating on you is more than zero. Monogamous partnerships don't work that way. Why does he need so much sexual and sinful entertainment if he wants to be monogamous? Your relationship has more problems than just your guy going to Las Vegas. See a counselor.

OP responded:

I read all the comments❤️ Or at least I try to. The more advice the better. I understand what you're saying. Truthfully, I didn't want him to go as I stated, but was afraid of being called controlling (which I have been by many people in these comments, I care more about what my friends family think though), so I eventually just gave in and let him go.

I mean, I've been to Vegas alone and not cheated, so I guess I naively thought he would have the same loyalty for me as I did him. I'm glad he showed his true colors before I got pregnant or signed a lease with him.

faaabiii wrote:

Well, there's a man I don't want as my psychologist ☠️☠️☠️

therealstabitha wrote:

Who are these people who think it was your fault for “letting” him get tempted? I’ve cheated on partners as much as I want, which is zero times. It’s possible to have some self control and not be a sh-thead, who knew?

worldbound014 wrote:

It sounds like you knew that he had the potential for sketchy behavior before the trip ever happened. He may not have acted on any of it until Vegas, but you knew enough to be worried that he was going to mess up.

Sources: Reddit
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