'My boyfriend’s sister told me she has feelings for me and I have no idea what to do.' UPDATED

"My boyfriend’s sister told me she has feelings for me and I have no idea what to do."

So this is a mess and I haven’t told anyone about it yet. I’ve been dating my boyfriend (we’ve been together for almost 3 years) and I’ve always had a pretty chill relationship with his family. His younger sister (she’s 29, I’m 34F) has always been super friendly and honestly I thought we just got along really well.

But last weekend, she came over to hang out while my boyfriend was working late and… I don’t know. Something felt off. She kept touching my arm, complimenting me more than usual, and then after a couple drinks, she just came out and said it. That she’s had feelings for me for a while and thinks we’d be “perfect together in another life” or something.

I just froze. I kinda laughed it off because I didn’t know what else to do and changed the topic. But now I feel weird around her and I don’t know if I should tell my boyfriend. I don’t want to make things awkward with his family or start drama, but I also feel like I’m keeping a secret that could blow up later.

She hasn’t texted me since but I can’t stop thinking about it. What do I even say? Do I bring it up with him? Or just let it go and hope it never happens again?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Anotherdominion wrote:

You should tell him asap. And stop hanging around her. I saw a post today where a woman said she ruined her marriage because when she was dating her husband his brother tried to sleep with her and she rejected him but never told her husband about it. Years later the brother told her husband in a fight to ask her about what happened and now he doesn’t know what to believe.

OP responded:

I'll tell him this weekend.

chainer1216 wrote:

You'll tell him today because every minute you wait is a minute she tells him whatever she wants to try and protect herself.

OP responded:

I want to tell him in person. Can't do it right now!

Jerrybeanman_ wrote:

Talk to your boyfriend and let him know about it and how it happened so it doesn’t bite you in the arse later but other than that, do nothing and let it go.

OP responded:

I'll do it.

Realistic_Courage328 wrote:

Yuck. She's acting sneaky as f3$k. Her intentions are disgusting. She came over to try something on you while you're drinking. It's predatory. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say it's not. But still she is trying to create a sexual situation. Testing the waters. It's gross and your boyfriend should know that his sister is a snake and backstabber.

IllPreparation568 wrote:

So I think it is trashy of her to put you in this sort of dilemma…were you aware she was into girls. Reason I am asking is the same for if it was a brother that you were hanging out with you would definitely see it as inappropriate.

I don’t specifically care that it is a same s#$ attraction, just the fact that the dynamic changes when you are with her…you have to start treating her not as another woman, but as a man even if you don’t have those feeling for her. Also you sort of brush off your reactions to the confession.

But I know the mythical gaydar is pure fiction but people can sense things. If I was with my bro and he started giving me that vibe I would notice immediately and remove myself or shut it down immediately. Yes you have to come clean to your bf. But also figure out why you missed signs or if you saw the signs why were you ok with it until the confession.

Syanara73 wrote:

Does your BF know his sister likes girls? Is she openly gay? If not, maybe she is struggling with her feelings and attraction to you. Unless she is openly gay/bi/other it doesn’t seem like she was praying on you, more like she has pent up emotions she doesn’t know what to do with.

Based on what you described it sounds like a confession she was nervously trying to get out. I don’t think she intended on harm. Hopefully you and your husband together can talk to her in a caring manner about her feelings and set some boundaries with her. If she is attacked or outed it won’t make any of you feel better.

Three days later, OP shared an update.

I was super nervous, but I just couldn’t keep it bottled up any longer. I told him what his sister said and how weird I’d been feeling since. His reaction? Honestly... kinda surprising. He stayed calm and said something like, “Yeah, she might just be messing around or testing you.” He didn’t seem shocked at all, more like he was trying to figure out if this was serious or just her being...her.

Then he went and talked to her. Calmly. And later, the three of us sat down together (my heart was pounding the entire time).

And…they both just laughed. A lot. Apparently, she was just testing me. Like…as some kind of weird joke or whatever. 🙃

I wasn’t exactly amused. I got kinda mad. Told them both that this was really not cool. I mean, who does that?? She apologized, and to be fair, she said some really sweet things about me. Said she thinks I’m great for her brother, that she respects our relationship, and that no she absolutely doesn’t have feelings for me. She said she has a boyfriend and she’s not even into women like that.

I told them both, straight up, not to ever pull something like that again. Like… ever.

So yeah. Weird week. Still processing. Thanks for all the advice, seriously.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts.

Fluffy-Lotus606 wrote:

If they’re comfortable doing this to you, you should rethink this relationship. I don’t care what nice things the sister said afterwards, she’s ALMOST 30 YEARS OLD. This is some ridiculous TikTok garbage that teenagers do not grown adults.

And your bf is okay with it? Would he be okay if you tested him? Or would he be hurt and see it that you don’t trust him? I can’t imagine this getting better and I’d be so paranoid about everything that ever happens with them from now on.

You’re going to be better off leaving this guy before you’re on here asking for advice when your SIL steals your kids “as a joke” or some other ridiculous prank or joke or test. It doesn’t get better once they realize they can get away with it and your bf took his sister’s side, not yours.

Ok_Temporary8816 wrote:

They opened pandora's box or more specifically she did, you will never truly know if she meant it or not, she might have just tried to cover her ass with her brother, this might be in your head for ages every time you interact with her, because rationally, that "test"??? Made no sense.

Shadow4summer wrote:

And what other things will they feel a need to test you about? Personally, this would be a very red flag and a dealbreaker. I’m not going to tolerate these kinds of tests.

OP responded:

This is the first time I felt this...

Bluman302 wrote:

Bro, you gotta get out is there. This is either a big cover up or one of the grossest things anyone has ever done. I assume you’re bi, which means that they don’t trust you to be faithful just because you’re bi (this is a big thing most bi people deal with). He will never trust you, you need to get away from him.