"AITA for reminding my brother that he's the one that left his son to prioritize his step kids?'
"AITA for reminding my brother he chose his son's therapist and he needs to stop blaming me when I'm helping him?"
Traditional_Worth978 writes:
My 13-year-old nephew came to live with me in December. This is a temporary arrangement, but we're not sure how long he'll be here. My husband and I will keep him for as long as it takes. But I'll be honest—I could see him staying for years.
The reason he's here is that he's full of anger about his dad—who's my older brother—getting remarried 18 months ago. My nephew feels like his dad's stepkids get more of his time, attention, and love than he does, and that has turned into hatred for his stepsiblings (5 and 6).
In December, he unleashed all that anger on the kids and yelled at them. He told them he hated them, wished they’d die so he could have his dad back, and said any number of other things.
My brother had taken his focus off his son a lot after remarrying and was shocked by the outburst. Calming my nephew down took hours because after yelling at the kids, he then yelled at his dad. My SIL attempted to step in, but my nephew yelled at her and then went back to yelling at his dad. It was the first time my brother realized his son was angry.
I hadn't seen them since my brother's wedding, but this was a big change. My nephew had mixed emotions on the day of the wedding, and we talked about it, but he wasn’t angry. However, in the months that followed, that anger became a real concern, and my brother didn’t see it.
After talking to my nephew when he was "calmer," my brother realized more outbursts were going to happen. This led him to reach out and ask if my husband and I could let my nephew stay for a while.
He was honest that he didn’t know how long, but he didn’t want to send his stepkids away, and he didn’t want my nephew to feel like this was the end of the marriage and that it would go back to just the two of them. So, he didn’t want to move out with him. I told him that, assuming he arranged for therapy and everything else, that was fine. My brother sends a weekly amount to cover expenses for my nephew.
My brother set up a therapist for him where I live (we're a couple of hours apart), and my nephew is doing school virtually right now. My brother drives out to see him once a week and joins him for therapy some weeks, but he's not happy with what the therapist is saying.
He confronted me about it, trying to blame me for the choice of therapist and for the fact that therapy wasn’t a quick fix. He asked, What good is it doing if he's here and with a therapist, and we're not helping? He also asked What kind of therapist are you bringing him to?—those were the kinds of comments.
I reminded him that he chose the therapist and that I was helping him, so he needed to stop blaming me. My brother told me there wasn’t another option, even though others might disagree—which makes me think the therapist suggested something he disagreed with.
But my brother left angry. He called me a couple of days later and told me I don’t need to turn on him when he doesn’t have a f%@$ing clue what to do and is still coming to terms with the fact that his son hates him and hates innocent kids who did nothing wrong. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
Competitive-Metal773 says:
NTA. A zillion bucks says that brother was hoping that the therapist would just tell the kid to basically suck it up and deal, and that would be that. Instead shit probably got real and rather than accepting responsibility for his part in things it's easier to blame everyone else.
Comfortable-Bug1737 says:
So he remarried, shows more love to his step kids, doesn't see the resentment in his own child, the child blows up, and he sends him away. Wow, your brother sucks.
OP responded:
Yes, and sends him away because he said he needs to protect his stepkids.
_s1m0n_s3z says:
That poor kid. Your brother is a massive POS who is abandoning his child for the sake of a new wife and step family. Is the boy's mother around, or is she dead? If so, OP's best option is to attempt to adopt her nephew, if that is possible. Because it is clear that his dad is useless.
What do you think?