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'AITA for canceling my brother's party at my house after it was planned without me?

'AITA for canceling my brother's party at my house after it was planned without me?

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"AITA for not attending my brother's surprise birthday because it was planned at my house without my consent?"

AllexiaAngel writes:

I (33F) currently live with my partner and two children. My younger brother (30M) recently had a milestone birthday, and my parents decided to throw him a surprise party. Normally, I’d be all for it, but here’s where things got complicated.

A week before the event, my mom casually mentioned that they’d planned the surprise party at my house because it's more spacious and centrally located for everyone else. This was the first I’d heard of it, and they hadn’t asked for my permission beforehand. I was immediately overwhelmed because my partner has been recovering from surgery, and our house is hardly in a state for hosting.

I told my mom that hosting wasn’t possible and suggested a few alternative venues. She got upset and said everything was already arranged, and changing locations at the last minute would be too complicated. Feeling cornered, I stood my ground and said they needed to relocate the party or scale it down.

The fallout was immediate. My brother, who was accidentally clued in, called me selfish for not accommodating the family on his special day. My parents accused me of ruining what could have been a perfect family gathering. In the end, they hastily rearranged the event at a cousin’s place, but the atmosphere was strained, and several relatives made passive-aggressive comments about my absence.

I feel terrible for missing the party and causing such a commotion but also frustrated that my boundaries were disregarded. AITA for not hosting the party at my house and choosing to skip it altogether?

Here are the top rated comments:

lecorbeauamelasse says:

Who on earth plans a big party at someone else's house without asking them if it's okay first? This is utterly ridiculous behaviour, and i'm willing to bet it's not the first time your parents/family have pulled nonsense like this. You're definitely NTA for telling them no under any circumstances, and certainly given your partner's health situation.

You might want to consider doing a deep dive into your history with your family and unpacking exactly what's going on there, either with or without professional help, because you might need to start standing up for yourself like this more often.

Lioness-Rawr says:

NTA and hard to believe not a single member of your family has common sense. You don’t just volunteer a persons home and plan a whole party. And your brothers reaction, he may be 30 but doesn’t look like his sense made it past 12. The audacity, big NTA to you!'

No_Cockroach4248 says:

NTA, you were well within your rights to stand your ground. It is your house, not theirs. And with the fallout, it made sense to not attend. I would go low contact in the meantime until they learn to respect your boundaries.

CatJarmansPants says:

Yeah, people who schedule a party in your house, without asking you, while you've got young kids and an unwell partner - these people, they are not family. I've met toddlers on Crack who are more considerate than that. Personally, I'd be giving a a 'f%#k off, and give me a ring when you've grown up - you f%@$ing belter...,', but that's me. NTA.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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