'AITA for telling my brother's wife that being a SAHM doesn't mean stay in bed mom?'
"AITA for telling my brother’s wife that being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean being a stay in bed mom?"
My brother (27M) and his wife (25F) have a 5-month-old baby. He works long hours while she stays home to take care of the baby. I live about 10 minutes away from them and drop by sometimes to help.
Lately, every time I go there, she’s in bed scrolling on her phone or saying she needs a break. The house is a mess, bottles are everywhere, laundry isn’t done, dishes are piled up, and the baby is crying most of the time.
Last weekend, my brother called me saying he was losing it. When I got there, he was trying to cook dinner with one hand while holding the baby with the other. His wife was in bed watching Netflix. I ended up feeding the baby, cleaning up a bit, and helping him calm things down while she stayed in bed the entire time.
After that, I went to her and asked if she was okay. She said, “Yeah, just a bit exhausted.” I understand that being a new mom is tough, but my brother works 40 to 50 hours a week and still helps with the baby.
I lost my patience and said, “Being at home doesn’t mean you should be in bed all the time scrolling or watching shows.” She started to cry and told my brother, and now he’s mad at me for upsetting her.
I honestly don’t have anything against her. I just felt bad for him doing everything by himself, and he’s still angry with me for saying something. Am I in the wrong for saying that to her when I was only trying to help my brother?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
buzz_buzzing_buzzed says:
Has she been checked for post partum depression?
Kairiste says:
YTA This screams that she has postpartum depression. I get everyone else's frustration but did anyone stop and think about this?
PracticalComputer183 says:
YTA for the phrasing “and he still helps with baby” like yeah his own baby?? I get not doing the bulk of household chores after working, but childcare is not the same as housekeeping.
Goodbyecaution says:
YTA. The baby is only five months old. She might be up all night feeding baby/ comforting baby. She may still be physically and hormonally recovering. She may have PPD. She’s in survival mode right now and your judgment on the state of their house is not helpful.