'AITA for telling my dad he's worthless if he chooses my stepsister over my HS graduation?'

I told my dad that he better not choose my stepsister over me.

Big_Swan_5867 writes:

I'm (18m), graduating high school at the end of this month. My dad dropped the bomb on me two nights ago that his stepdaughter (14f) has an award ceremony for some competition she entered and won in another state on that same day, and that she really wants him to be there.

He told me he couldn't possibly make it to both, and since his wife and their children together will be going, he needs to be there too. He told me he would make it up to me, and we could celebrate another time.

I still live with him (not for much longer). My mom died when I was 7, and my dad got married again when I was 11 or 12. It's been a few years anyway. His stepdaughter never knew her bio dad, so my dad has accepted her as his own. And he has prioritized her a lot in the last 5/6 years. It doesn't always show in the most obvious ways, but it can be felt.

Father/son time was put on indefinite hiatus, and instead, dad told me we needed to include her in our time together, but he also spent time with just her for father/daughter time. I brought it up to my dad, and he told me I wasn't exactly making an effort to be closer to her, so he wanted us all to bond and didn't want me to just focus on my relationship with him.

He has attended her dance things instead of my basketball games if they're on at the same time. It doesn't matter if mine was known about first; he will still skip my stuff to go to hers.

He will take us on family days, and whenever he and his wife say "kids can choose," he picks her choices over mine. He claims it's because they will be the most fun for everyone, but really, he even says it afterward, anything his little princess wants.

Our refrigerator and our shower broke at the same time. His stepdaughter's birthday was coming up, so he took money from my birthday fund to pay for that stuff and so his stepdaughter would definitely get what she wanted (this Barbie house thing and a whole fashion set, and they were, $250).

He didn't get all the money back by the time my birthday came around, so instead, he bought me a $30 gift card for Steam when he had promised me a new monitor and keyboard for my computer (that was a gift from my grandparents).

When my dad told me he wouldn't be at my graduation to go and support her, I told him there is no making up for that, and he can forget about being included in my life going forward. He told me he would make it up to me, and I told him I will always come second to his little princess, and I'm not going to be okay with that.

I told him he's discarded me for the last time. Dad begged me to be reasonable, but I walked away. Then I invited both sets of grandparents who agreed to come. His wife told me I could have come with them and I don't need to attend the ceremony but could support "my sister."

I said her daughter's not my sister, and I do not want to support their family anymore, and I will be out of their hair soon. She called me selfish and told me I can't deny her daughter a dad. AITA?

OP responded to a few comments to give more context:

Apart-Ad-6518 says:

NTA (Not the A%@$ole). Graduating HS is a big milestone. It's nice that your dad wants to be there for his stepdaughter. He needs to maintain balance though and I feel he should have made time for a once in a lifetime thing for you. I hope you still enjoy your day and many congratulations!

OP responded:

That balance never existed. Once she came into his life he prioritized her every step of the way.

fishfountain says:

Wow, what a horrible way to keep showing you you don't matter to them. Totally NTA. And congrats on the freedom that awaits you. I'm impressed by your clarity of thinking took me much longer to get that level of understanding.

If not done already get your plans started or refined further. The shame they are hiding may cause some additional grief and manipulation. You got this, good luck. Life is very sweet without constant disappointment.

OP responded:

Really I only want to matter to him. But time and time again he has shown me that I don't.

ConfidentSun9525 says:

Massive NTA. Besides the fact that that's his step daughter, highschool graduation trumps essentially all childhood activities in priority of attendance by parents.

OP says:

Should be that way, but for my dad it isn't. Once it's hers it will always be her celebration.

What do you think?