'AITA because my dad didn’t take my medical emergency seriously?'
"AITA because my dad didn’t take my medical emergency seriously?"
I (25M) have been really sick for a couple of weeks and have been in pretty bad shape. One morning, I was showering and suddenly lost all of my vision as soon as the water hit my face. I remember still being conscious but completely disoriented.
I knew I was standing in the shower and I remember what direction I was facing, but no matter how much I tried to use my hands to feel my way around, I did not truly know where everything was and it was an incredibly scary experience.
My vision came back a minute later, but my body felt extremely weak. I turned off the shower, threw on my clothes, and crawled into my dad’s office completely wet. The most I could physically do was whisper to him and tell him that I needed him to call 911 for an ambulance.
He looked at me and asked if I could drive myself because he was in the middle of work and ambulance rides are expensive. I barely had enough energy to say, “No, I need an ambulance,” but not enough energy to explain what had just happened.
He then asked if I could ask my stepmom to drive me instead, insisting that we could not afford an ambulance, but at that point I was out of energy and was beginning to lose my vision again. This whole exchange probably took about 20 minutes. Twenty critical minutes of him watching me gasp for air while he kept suggesting that I drive myself or find someone else to drive me.
The next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed. My dad told me I passed out and he finally called an ambulance when he realized I was running out of time. It turns out I had mono the whole time and my spleen had ruptured, which caused me to lose vision in the shower and pass out later. It was a very life threatening situation.
Now I have just been released from the hospital after a successful surgery and a large hospital bill tied to my name. I am very angry with my dad not only for his lack of urgency in that moment, but also because he made it clear that he prioritizes work and money over his own son.
He ignored me bleeding internally on the floor and begging for an ambulance so he could finish his project on his computer, and he hesitated to call because he was thinking about how to save money.
At the end of the day, he did call the ambulance, but I am still angry about how he handled the situation. I wish he would apologize, but I do not think I will ever get one because he probably believes that he saved me. Am I acting entitled? Should I be grateful that he called the ambulance in the end despite being so reluctant? I am glad that I am still here, but something about the way everything happened feels wrong.
OP added extra context:
For context about the financial situation. Yes, I am working full time. And yes, I am contributing financially with food and rent while my dad agreed to cover health insurance, water, and electricity. I hope this information helps.
Why could I not use my own phone to call the ambulance? My phone was in my bedroom, which is all the way downstairs, while my dad’s office is right next to the shower. I was in such a weak state that I could not stand or walk. I was able to throw my clothes on most likely because of adrenaline, but it did not last long enough for me to run downstairs and call 911 myself.
Should I be the one paying the bills? Yes, I am. He paid the hospital first, and I am working to pay him back while still covering food and rent. I am still on my dad’s family insurance plan until I turn 26 next year, and I thought that might mean he would pay for emergency medical bills too.
We never discussed it because we were not expecting sudden medical emergencies. That is on me for not thinking ahead. If I ever have kids who live with me past 18, I will make it clear who pays for what.
Also, while I should be grateful that I did get the ambulance ride I asked for in the end, I am still upset that my dad could look at me on the floor begging and in pain and still tell me to drive myself or call someone else to save money.
I do not get dramatic about this type of thing and have never acted desperate for attention. The closest I have ever come to being dramatic was when I was about 7 years old and wanted more sugar than I was allowed to have.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
bowlofweetabix says:
NTA This was a true emergency and your dad didn’t put you first.
iDontGetCute92 says:
NTA. You may be an adult, but your parent is still your parent no matter your age, and in your moment of genuine need, he failed you. You shouldn’t feel “grateful” for your dad helping his child, a parent helping their child is the literally bare minimum.
ThisWeekInTheRegency says:
You're not acting entitled. You have every right to be angry. He betrayed you. Time to get out of that house and live away from him, because every time you see him, you'll be angry, and that's not a healthy way to live. NTA.
Honestly my parents sound like your dad. When I was in high school I was hemorrhaging in my throat from tonsillectomy. My dad made me drive my car back to the house and then by the time we got to the hospital I was puking blood and passed out. Now fast forward I’m 35. I had to get an MRI yesterday to find out my parents knew I was really sick as a baby and never followed up.
My mom’s response, I’ve apologized in the past. It’s impacted my ability to work and she shames me for not making money. Don’t be like me- start making moves to get a healthy distance from your dad and when your gut is telling you to go to the hospital, go.
It was a hard lesson for me to learn that my parents cared more about money and their image over my medical wellbeing. Take care OP. NTA. You’re not likely to get an apology so find a good clinician to process the anger and grief that go along with it.
Edit- my parents are multimillionaires. In case people thought maybe we needed to pinch pennies… we didn’t. I have been complaining about neurological issues and pain my whole life.
I’m adopted from birth and apparently spent a month in the hospital that they don’t recall the name nor the infection that placed me there. I’m guessing today when I get my results I’m going to feel like crap. So seriously OP start making moves.
I felt that. My mom wasn't at all rich or well off, but she married my stepdad when I was 6 and had 2 kids with him when I was 16-17. When I turned 18, I found out my stepdad's insurance, which I was on, was insanely good, so I spent my first holidays in college getting as much as I could checked out.
Turns out my scoliosis was worse that we thought and I had severa adult asthma... to which I flatlined when I was 26 right after I aged out of my parent's insurance, because no one would take it seriously... now I am on TPD at 30. Mom never believed in hospitals. Went to get a stomach pain checked out finally in 2018, turned out to be stage 4 ovarian cancer that had already spread...
She passed in 2019, but not before telling me that the way she handled health when we were kids was wrong and the two new kids made her realize that. One of them was born with similar sinus issues as me and they went ahead with a surgery young to help that.... never considered that for me. It really does suck when parents won't be your parents :( I basically had to be fully independent from about 15/16 up.