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'My dad gave the family business to my brother so I left and cut all contact. AITA?' UPDATED 3X

'My dad gave the family business to my brother so I left and cut all contact. AITA?' UPDATED 3X

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"AITA? My dad gave the business to brother so I left."

My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, then my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting.

My dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life. I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van.

my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I’m on tools now as I’m doing everything to run the business.

well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO.

this upset me i've been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and iv been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it.

I spoke to my dad and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni , a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go.

I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoke to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month I've had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA???

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. I would answer all these messages with "12 years. 12 years I have labored for this company, for our family. For what? To be thrown aside for someone who has never shown interest in this business? Don't say I'm ungrateful, as I've put in the work. If I have so little value to the business, then stop me from leaving? You won't miss what you can easily discard."

said:

NTA, honestly that is a real shitty thing to do, if you have been running the business for your dad the last 2 years, he can retire in no small part due to your success in keeping the company moving forwards. To ask you to take a pay cut and move over to allow your brother who has no experience to run the company to jump in is a kick in the teeth.

However he has asked you to step back and be treated like just an employee, and in that you have every right to do what disgruntled employees do. Tell the boss to stick it and strike out on your own. Your dad and brother would do the same if the position were reversed. Why would you spend time and effort to build up a company that has shown disinterest in developing you

You can tell your family what they did was disgusting, they left you no choice but to strikeout on your own, your dad’s retirement will be short lived as he will have to help your brother when the going gets tough. Good luck to your business, go guilt free

said:

NTA. I would answer all these messages with "12 years. 12 years I have labored for this company, for our family. For what? To be thrown aside for someone who has never shown interest in this business? Don't say I'm ungrateful, as I've put in the work. If I have so little value to the business, then stop me from leaving? You won't miss what you can easily discard."

And said:

NTA at all. Not only did you get screwed out of a business that should have at least been split between you, you got a huge pay cut to go with it. The fact that your father allowed that to happen shows how he feels about you vs your brother. I am sorry, but I hope you run your brother out of business.

Edit from OP:

I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder.

In the morning I will contact the large clients i've worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me iv saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet.

He later shared this first update:

I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to iv spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much.

I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them. I will update after the events of later today.

He later shared this second update:

As I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did. This morning when I arrived at my parents house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast, he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived.

When on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first tile I saw my dad cry, I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working.

I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told me father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more then I could explain, he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful.

he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again, my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was.

but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fun a business.

so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for my self. My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.

Third update:

As I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash. that was one of the main things I was worried about.

3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under there own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 - 10 year more experience in the industry.

at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them.

Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there, I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist.

my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning, I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what dose he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother).

my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave, I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that i will not sit there and be treated like that.

I told my brother to screw off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out i've been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.

Update 4: sorry it’s been a while iv had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I’ll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that.

me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier then I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything.

Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me.

my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us. My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said.

Myself and my fiancé are set to have our wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents.

Sources: Reddit
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