'My dad hid a whole secret family for years, then dumped them on us. AITA for refusing to pick up the pieces?'
"My dad hid a whole secret family for years, then dumped them on us. AITA for refusing to pick up the pieces?"
About a decade and a half ago my parents split because my dad was horrible. Just imagine, he was all of it. My mom moved out which was really hard on me since I was still a kid. At the same time my dad booked a plane ticket to go overseas for a couple months. We are immigrants so I just assumed he was visiting friends or family.
A year or two later I found out, not from my dad but from someone else, that he had a child with a new woman. He never told me or my younger siblings anything. He was really sneaky about it, taking phone calls outside and all that. My oldest siblings were in on keeping it a secret too.
Then a couple of years ago I started hearing rumors that my dad wanted to move his family into our house. I thought it was a ridiculous idea. Our relationship was already really strained. There was no way he would do something like that, right? Right? Nope, he did.
Without any warning or even a family meeting my dad moved in his two kids. It happened in two parts, oldest kids first, then the rest of the family after. He brought over kids we had no connection with and expected me and my younger siblings to take care of them. That was already a lot. Then he moved in his wife and youngest kids with no warning or introductions.
After that I stopped doing anything around the house, like anything at all. I used to work so hard keeping this place in order while dealing with mental and physical health stuff.
But after he did this it felt like a betrayal. I haven’t talked to my dad since or the mom because, in my mind, she is kind of complicit. It’s hard to explain all of the details here.
I do feel a little bad because I get it must be a struggle to take care of kids and manage a household. But I didn’t create this situation so why should I be expected to help? Plus the trauma of seeing my dad treat another woman well after what he did to my mom makes it worse.
I don’t hate the younger siblings. They are just kids. We play sometimes and I get them snacks and stuff. I just wish we could have met under better circumstances. When I say I don’t help I mean I don’t do anything for the house or the kids that aren’t my own. I keep to myself, clean my area, and look after my younger siblings. The rest of the house is none of my business. So, AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Your dad kept secrets and forced a new family on you. It’s fair to only care for your siblings and set boundaries.
PartEducational8582 (OP)
I'm ngl this is very validating. The rest of my family keep calling me rude and ungrateful but never question my father's actions so some part of me is like, maybe they're right? But idk.
I don’t think your father has done anything to be grateful for. He’s a worthless PoS.
PartEducational8582 (OP)
I agree but I also feel conflicted. Like, he's my dad and he took care of me as a kid. And we genuinely have had decent memories together. Idk if I'm just trying to cope but it's hard for me to accept that my dad sucks. The crazy thing is this isn't even the worst thing he's done lololol
NTA, he dropped a whole soap opera in your lap without consent, you're not wrong for refusing to play housekeeper in his mess, honestly i'd be ducking out of that plot twist too.
NTA - They're not your kids. Their mom and dad need to cook, clean, and raise them. You clean after yourself, are kind to the kids, etc., and that's enough.
NTA . Can you go to your mom? I assume she left you because she had to, not because she wanted to. Are you still in contact?
PartEducational8582 (OP)
My mom lives in her home town overseas. I've wanted to live with her since I was a kid, but she told me to stay with my dad since he has the money . We talk during the holidays. My relationship with my mother is also a bit strained.
NTA. My god, as a father I'm truly sorry that's your sperm donor. If he cares that little about your opinion on the matter, your siblings really need you and your mom. You didn't mention your age but I hope you're not playing mommy instead of going off to college or starting a career- you can only care for your siblings so much before your own life takes the hit.
PartEducational8582 (OP)
As much love as I have for my mother, she's not really dependable nor do I think she wants to take on that responsibility. If she wanted to she would've by now. Which is kinda sad to think about... "I hope you're not playing mommy instead of going off to college or starting a career."
Haha ur not gonna like my answer 😅. I've always felt this need to take care of them and be protective over them, I can't help it. But no, I'm not planning on putting my life on the back burner to take care of them. They wouldn't want that either since they're older (my full blooded siblings)
NTA. His house, his kids, his responsibility. Depending on how old you are, I'd get a job and start saving money so you can move out ASAP. Expecting his children to run his household and raise his secret kids is parentification.