'AITA for not accepting my dad getting married and having a kid just 3 years after my mom died?'
"AITA for still not accepting my dad getting remarried and having another kid within 3 years of my mom dying?"
BellsOfDeepin writes:
My mom died when I (18f) was 10. By the time I was 13 my dad remarried and had another baby. For a more accurate timeline, he met his wife a year after mom died and married her two years after mom died, and they were announcing her pregnancy three months after they got married. I ran away five times when I was 13 because of it.
Each time I was devastated when CPS and the cops told me I had to go back to my dad. My dad and his wife tried to fold me into their family more, and it made me run away more. My dad's wife told me she knew I needed a mother, so she would do everything she could to be that mom for me. That made me mad, so I told her I would rather she drop dead and get out of my mom's house.
My dad asked me where that came from and why I wasn't happy she wanted to be there for me. I asked him about mom. He was like, what do you mean, and I said all her photos were gone (they were), all her stuff was gone (it was), and she wasn't mentioned unless I did, and he acted like I was being rude if I brought up mom in any way.
He told me we were moving forward and we couldn't be held back by mom. He said it also wasn't easy to feel like you were overshadowed, and he said his wife didn't deserve to have mom rubbed in her face in her home.
I told him I didn't care and I didn't like it, and he replaced mom and had a new family fast, so why not let the old one go. It was the first time dad ever cried, and he told me they were our new family and not just his.
I told him I didn't want it and he didn't even give it real time. He said he thought I'd be happy and love his wife. I said he never asked what I thought; he just did what he wanted, so I would just do what I wanted.
Dad tried family therapy, he made me go with him and his other kids (they have more than one kid together now) to the park, he would send me to his wife if I wanted anything and told me to trust and rely on her and not just him.
They even tried to make hugs a mandatory thing, so I stopped letting any of them hug me, even dad. My dad caught me trying to run away again when I was 16, and he put stuff in place to keep me there.
And then on my 18th birthday, I moved out anyway. My dad hadn't expected it because I was/am still in high school. He cried and asked me to come home, but I said home isn't with them and I don't want to be a part of his replacement family, and I don't care about his wife or kids, and he did what he wanted, so let me go do what I want.
His wife even called me and told me she loved me and asked me why I'd do this. I told her I don't love her back, so stay out of my life. My dad has tried calling several more times, and I just don't answer. I blocked him, and he used a different phone.
He said he wants to help me accept them, but I replied that I don't want to and to leave me alone before I change my number. So he showed up outside my school and told me to at least come for a family dinner. I said no. He said this was me running away again and I should be happy he moved on after mom died. I told him to give it another three years, and he'll move on from me too.
After the incident outside of my school, my grandparents (dad's parents) told me I was behaving like a spoiled and selfish person and was I really going to punish dad for not grieving my mom forever. I told them I wasn't going to be a part of his three-year replacement family. They told me to fix how I see it because dad replaced nobody.
I said if that were true, he would have waited and kept mom's stuff around, and he would have cared how I was doing and what I thought, but he didn't. They told me I was such a selfish child and that I never got older than 10. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Livid-Supermarket-44 says:
For me. It's getting rid of your mother's things that says the most. And possibly the way he introduced his new wife into your life. If he didn't keep your mother's things safe for you, or give them to her side of the family, he can go to hell. If he has done some things right, maybe take time away from him, don't stress about it, see how you feel in a couple of years.
DoIwantToKnow6417 says:
INFO : Have you asked your dad if his wife is ok with being erased and replaced to their kids like his first wife if she dies and he continues with wife number 3?
OP responded:
I asked him that a few times and he never answered.
Impressive-Aioli6802 says:
So sorry to hear this. NTA sounds like dad did what he wanted without getting you into therapy to process your mom's death you have no obligations to his family so no contact is better for your peace of mind. I hope you can get into therapy to help with your mental health.