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'My dad remarried and I've lost everything to my new step siblings who treat me horribly.' MAJOR UPDATE

'My dad remarried and I've lost everything to my new step siblings who treat me horribly.' MAJOR UPDATE


Making a blended family harmonious demands a lot of work and attention.

"My [15M] dad [47M] remarried and I've lost everything I had to my new step siblings [16F-11M-10M] who treat me horribly."

My dad married my step mother 3 months ago and I feel like it made my life significantly harder and less pleasant. They moved in with us and for the indefinite future this situation will not change. We have a 3 bedroom house and before they moved in, my dad and I had our rooms (both with bathrooms) and there was a smaller room which was a study for my dad.

After they moved in, Jenny [16F, turning 17 next month] got my room, and I had to share the smaller room with Tom [11M] and Mike [10M]. All my books, my telescope, my stuff are packed and in the basement now since there's no space anymore. This made me real angry but my dad told me that I have to be a team player and this is what him and his wife agreed on. Jenny treats me like s#$t.

She sometimes acts as if I'm not there at all, and sometimes is super aggressive and hostile towards me. The other I asked Tom to stop going through my things and she became so angry that "I have no right to order her brother around", she told me to get it in my thick scull that I'm not their big brother to tell them what to do, even though all I asked was for them to stop going through my things.

She said it's best if I don't talk to them at all since that way they will get less influence from a weirdo like me. What I don't get is that if she's so concerned that I might leave a bad influence on Tom and Mike why doesn't she take them into her room? Tom and Mike don't respect any boundaries.

They're always through my stuff. I have a watch which was a gift from my mother (she died of c*ncer) and they took it from my drawer and lost it. I found it weeks later in the basement with its front glass broken. Before they moved in I used to get a $100 allowance every month. Now Jenny gets $75, I get $35 and Tom and Mike each get $30. I had an Xbox but these kids broke it down.

I used to spend a lot of time with my dad. He used to come see me play basketball almost every week, he hasn't done it even once in the past three months since he's always working overtime. We eat out once a week and none of them in these three months have been to any of my favorite places, but Jenny, Tom and Mike have each chosen their favorites more than once.

I complained about all of it to my father last week and he told me that family is all about sacrifices, and I have to make mine. Haven't I made enough sacrifices already? I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices. I looked forward to them moving in here but I now feel like an outsider at home, it's not my home anymore.

Life has become very difficult for me. I spend as much time as I can outside because inside is so frustrating but this is causing problems as well. My dad keeps telling me that not being around means I'm not accepting them as part of the family while in reality it's the opposite. So I get grounded for not being around, and being around is horrible.

I don't want to live here anymore but I'm only 15 and can't move out. I have nobody else who can take me in. I can't stay here for 3 more years. I'll go crazy. I often fantasize about running away at night but I know that's also as horrible if not even more. I don't know what to do. Can anyone give me a suggestion?

TL;DR: Father remarried and his wife and three kids moved in. They've taken over my room, my things, my space, my budget and treat me horribly. I feel frustrated and very unhappy here. I don't know what to do to make my life a little easier.

People were quick to share their thoughts and advice.

OliviaPresteign wrote:

It sounds like Jenny is the biggest problem. If she's 17, is the plan for her to move out soon? Maybe you can talk to your dad about getting your own room and having the two younger boys share.

OP responded:

She's not going to move out. She will live at home when she goes to college. Parents already have given her the permission to do this.

Femme0879 wrote:

I'd show him this post. Maybe if he sees how strangers are sticking up for you than your own FATHER it might change his tune.

Darkosaurus wrote:

First of all: who came up with the stupid idea of giving three people the smaller room and your step sister the larger one? Your father really needs to get his mind straight. Yes, you have to make some sacrifices, but so do the other children! He does not want to discipline them though to look good in front of your step mum, but that needs to stop.

Did you tell him about the watch? Breaking such an important piece of memory is extremely rude. Try to stand up for yourself as well as you can and call them out on their behaviour. Maybe your step mother will finally start to say something.

EDIT: spelling; also --> start to EDIT 2: Apart from that, the age gap of one year to your step sister justifies a 40$ difference, whereas the 4/5 year age gap to your step brother justifies a 5$ difference?!

OP responded:

"First of all: who came up with the stupid idea of giving three people the smaller room and your step sister the larger one?" They thought Jenny is older and needs more personal space and her own bathroom. I disagreed but was eventually told to deal with it.

A few weeks later, OP shared another update.

A LOT has happened. I decided to just ask my dad and step mother for some time to talk to them and I just showed them my post. They took a good half an hour reading it. There were times it looked like they were going to start crying. Eventually they told me that they need more time and we'll talk about it in a couple of days. Two nights later, my dad asked me to come to their room, to make it short, they got it.

They both hugged me and at some point my step mother started crying. They apologized to me for their negligence and told me that they f#$ked this up. They put all their attention and focus on helping my step siblings adjust given the new living arrangement and everything and neglected how difficult it must have been for me. They promised me that things will change.

About the room arrangement, they realized that it's not reasonable. So they offered me the basement as a lot of you suggested. We went to the store and bought a lot of supplies and made it a family exercise for everyone to contribute refurbishing the basement and making it like a bedroom. So I'll have my own room now. It won't have a bathroom like before but I can really share a bathroom with the boys.

That's not a problem. The money allowance changed as well. It was Jenny $75, me $35 and Mike and Tom $30 each. Now it's Jenny $60, me $50 and the boys $30 each. So $15 from Jenny comes to me now. I think it's much more fair. It's not as good as the $100 I used to have but this arrangement is something I can easily understand and accept.

Now to Jenny. Well. My step mother told me that Jenny's problem is not me. It's that her mother married and she doesn't like that because she was hopeful that she would return to her dad. Now she's trying to make this not work and I'm just in her crosshairs. Apparently she's been a little B to my dad as well.

She promised me that she will handle Jenny and make sure she won't be a problem. Now to the boys. This is the most difficult one as they're 10 and 11. They gave me a small lock so I can lock my bag for now, and when the basement is ready (which will be in a couple of weeks) I can lock its door and only me and the parents will have the key.

So at least my stuff will be safe.

About other things, they also made little changes to make things easier. They told me that I can come to them for any problems and my dad promised me some father son time every couple of weeks as well.

I was happy with everything. They addressed most of the issues and found solutions and so far done their best to do everything that they promised. Jenny came to me a few nights later and asked if I would come with her for a walk in the neighborhood as she wanted to talk to me.

So we went and she apologized to me for everything and told me that she didn't and still doesn't like that her mom married my dad and she was forwarding her anger and frustration towards me (the only person she could) which was not right. She said that I'm probably going through similar things as she does and really there's no reason for us to make each other's lives even more difficult than it already is.

So I accepted her apology and we shook hands on being on the same team from now on. And honestly she's been very different ever since. She's helping me a lot in preparing the basement and she makes Tom and Mike help as well. The other day when I asked Tom to turn down the TV volume and he refused, she told him to "listen to your big brother."

Yeah, good things! I hope she remains this way. Overall things are A LOT better. I trust my step mother a lot more now. Jenny is much better than before and we're becoming more and more like a family and the place looks and feels like home again. Thanks for all your suggestions and help. I owe you all a lot.

TL;DR: Showed parents the original post. They got it and decided to make things right. I'm getting the basement now, I'm getting more allowance, step mother talked to Jenny and she's much better. I'm gonna get some alone time with my dad every two weeks. Most of the problems seem to have been sorted out as best as they could have been.

The commenters were happy to hear an update.

beaglemama wrote:

I hope your dad is paying to get your watch repaired.

Glad it sounds like they're trying to improve things.

QueenChola wrote:

I am extremely happy for you. I was SO upset reading your first post and thankful for a positive update. Your dad and step mom reacted perfectly to this situation, I am so glad!!!

lisalovesmiles wrote:

I'm not crying... you're crying! In seriousness, this is a lovely update. I'm procrastinating at my university library and this is making me all teary-eyed... Big props to you, as well as Dad, step mom and step sister, I love that everyone approached this with a reasonable attitude stayed calm throughout. Yay!

lexjac wrote:

I'm so glad for this update. So happy you were really listened to.

Sources: Reddit
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