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'AITA for letting my dad be lonely after discovering he stole my inheritance?'

'AITA for letting my dad be lonely after discovering he stole my inheritance?'

"AITA for not forgiving father after he stole my inheritance?"

FrikkkieZA writes:

It's 1999, my mom passes away from liver cancer. I'm 25 years old, only child, wet behind the ears and gullible. Eighty percent of my mother's estate at the time (about $16,000, but we're not in the USA) pays out to me. My dad says due to my mom's deteriorating mental health they never had time to change her will, the money should have come to him, can I pay it over to him. I agree, because one is supposed to trust your parents.

Fast forward about five years and one brief failed marriage later, he finds himself a nice Russian bride. The dynamic changes and he badmouths my late mom at every BBQ etc., and his new wife is the best thing ever.

I move cities, get married, start a family of my own. We chat on the phone once a week or every two weeks but don't see each other for years (eight years to be exact). He and the Russian bride come and visit once, borrow my truck to go to a big national park. I gave it to them with a full tank of diesel, I got it back empty, with the light on.

In 2023 he sold his house and moved to Russia with the bride. I'm not sure if he invested the house's money locally or if he moved it to Russia. I suspect the latter so that the bride has easy access to it when he falls over.

My (now late) wife falls ill and passes away last year. I send a message to everyone after she passed away with all the funeral details and what happened. My dad's response: "Oh now that's bad news." He doesn't bother flying in for the funeral service or anything. He messages me a few weeks later, asking if she was cremated or buried. Like, what the hell.

I speak to his sister (a highly educated Ph.D. with many law degrees etc.). We speak about my mom's passing and the similarities to what happened to me. I mention the inheritance. She freaks out. She (being legally qualified) helped my mom with the will in the hospital before she passed away, as she knew my dad would be a douche about the money.

I confront my dad about the money, 25 years after he swindled me out of it. He denies it, then tries to claim the amount was 10 percent of what it truly was, and with every lie I bring out what I remember to be the truth, along with evidence.

Eventually I tell him never to contact me again, and stop answering his messages. He tries to message me once in a while, but it's more and more random. Turns out it looks like he has early stages of dementia.

A few months later, some distant family contacts us, asking why I have no contact with my father, because he reached out to them to talk and he "seems lonely" (we suspect the bride leaves him alone at home because with dementia he is a handful and she doesn't want to deal with him).

We tell them what happened and they understand. As time passes, his sister is now asking me to forgive him for what he did and to free my soul from these shackles (as she calls it). My reply was from the series Billions: “Hate is nature's most perfect energy source. It's endlessly renewable.” I have no urge to forgive him, but AITA for not forgiving?

Here are the top rated comments.

whoneedsaverage says:

NTA. He took advantage of you in a very vulnerable state. You don’t have to “forgive and forget” that. Especially since he has zero remorse. Anyone who can’t understand that because “he’s family”, I’d ask if they would be ok with someone stealing $16k from them.

Arorua_Mendes says:

NTA. You are not shackled by unforgiveness but simply holding someone accountable. Your boundaries are valid. Forgiveness works when someone acknowledges their wrongs your father has not. He exploited your trust at your most vulnerable moment. Your aunt calls it shackles I call it damn consequences. Would forgiving him bring you peace or just comfort others?

csick19 says:

NTA The money is gone. You’re never getting it back. Your father is a user. He’s not going to change. Whether you forgive him is 100% up to you, not him, not your Aunt. If you want to have a relationship with your Dad in spite of who is is and what he has taken from you is entirely your decision and you should not let anyone make you feel bad one way or another.

cinekat says:

NTA. You seem to have made peace with your decision - which to be clear I would also have done - and I suspect any contact you make now could lead Russian Bride to dump him on your doorstep.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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