'AITA for being upset when stepmom's try so hard to be 'bonus' moms? I didn't ask for you.'
"AITA for telling my dad's wife she's not my bonus mom?"
Altruistic-Corgi-976 writes:
I (26F) am an only child. My parents divorced during my senior year of high school. By the time I graduated, my dad had already started dating the woman who would become his second wife. I had met her once before. He told me he was bringing her to my graduation, and I said that was fine.
She showed up extremely overdressed and tried to take over the entire day. She kept inserting herself into photos, tried to push my mom away from me in group pictures, and even tried to unlink my mom’s arm from mine to take her place next to me. I had to tell my dad that if he didn’t control her behavior, they could both just leave. That finally got her to stop.
She apologized to me a few days later, but my mom later told me that my dad’s wife had actually called her after graduation and bragged about how much nicer the pictures with her and my dad looked, because I had “both parents” in them instead of just one. She also tried to claim I had taken more photos with her than with my mom, which was a lie. In fact, I was so mad at her that I didn’t print any of the photos she was in.
After that incident, every time I saw her, she would be overly nice to me. She always got very eager to hang out whenever I said I was going back to my mom’s place, since I stayed with my mom over the holidays. She always seemed to want to spend time with me more if I mentioned my mom at all.
One of my dad’s friends told me that she’s always fishing for people to say negative things about my mom. It’s petty and immature. She started calling herself my bonus mom and calling me her bonus daughter. I corrected her once or twice, but then I just started pulling away and spending less time around her. Because of that, my relationship with my dad has suffered.
Recently, I went wedding dress shopping with my mom. When my dad’s wife found out, she got very upset that I hadn’t invited her. She asked why I didn’t want her to come and said that was what “bonus moms” were for. I told her she is not my bonus mom, and she never has been. She is my dad’s second wife. She is not any kind of mother figure to me, and she never will be with the way she treats my actual mother.
My dad told me I went too far and that I should apologize. He said that even if she has been rude to my mom, she has always been welcoming to me. I told him that doesn’t matter. She needs to understand her place, and it is not as someone I love or care for. The more she tries to force herself in and push my mom out, the worse she looks in my eyes. He still insists that I could have been a lot nicer. AITA?
Here are the comments from the post.
Barsk-Brunkage says:
So you were almost a grown up when she came into the picture, and she just thinks she can magically swoop in and take on a motherly role in your life? Your dads wife has a serious case of delulu, and I don't blame you for pulling back.
She sounds like she tries to replace your mom in every way she can.... makes you wonder why she acts like your mom is such a threat to her. It is too bad that your relationship with your dad suffers from this - but honestly, that is on him and not you. If he is fine with his wife being overly pushy (and kinda creepy), that is the consequences he will have to live with.
OP responded:
I was already 18 when I met her and never lived with her so technically a grown up I was. As for why she's like this? I don't really know other than she seems jealous that she's the second wife. She tries to cling to this younger wife thing but she's 3 years younger than dad and only a year younger than my mom.
SillyMoose22 says:
NTA - even if she was a saint to you and your mom you still don’t need to feel comfortable with her being your bonus mom. She didn’t raise you and has seemingly done nothing motherly with you. But are you going to invite her to the wedding because she’s going to pull the same things she did at the graduation. This is going to be a thing at every event.
OP responded:
I know it will and honestly I have some soul searching to do after all of this. Dad won't come without her but she's so annoying and inserts herself way too much for my liking.