'AITA for not letting my daughter's grandparents take her for X-mas? They are suing for custody.'
"AITA for not let my daughter's grandparents to take her this Christmas?"
Apprehensive-Mix2251 writes:
I (30F) am the single mother of Clara (2F). My pregnancy wasn't planned; I had a "no strings attached" relationship with her father, Jack (30s M), for seven months when I became pregnant unexpectedly.
He lived in another state but visited my city monthly for business reasons, and we hit it off after meeting in a bar. We discussed our options regarding the pregnancy, but I decided to keep the baby. Jack wanted to be part of her life, so we planned to raise the baby together as co-parents, not as a couple. Unfortunately, Jack passed away during my pregnancy.
Jack's parents, Linda and James, knew I was pregnant when he passed; we had already done a prenatal paternity test at the time. We were all devastated by his passing, but of course, his parents were especially heartbroken.
Clara is their first and only grandchild, and as they say, she became their beacon of light during a dark time. They have two other daughters, Ruth (37F) and Lily (27F). Ruth has been trying to conceive with her husband for a long time, while Lily is childfree and lives abroad.
Jack's family lives in another state, except for Lily. They have a family business there, so their lives are centered in that state, while I have my family and career in my city, where Clara and I live. Since Clara was born, we’ve had an informal agreement about visitation for her grandparents and aunts.
They usually visit Clara twice a month. James and Linda are the most frequent visitors, but Ruth also comes occasionally. I genuinely appreciate their presence in her life.
A point of contention, however, has been traveling with Clara to their state. They have a family property that’s been in their family for over 100 years and are highly regarded in their small town. They wanted Clara to experience that heritage. While I understand the importance of her knowing her roots, I’ve always been firm about not allowing Clara to travel without me.
I’ve visited their hometown three times with Clara since she was born, but apparently, that’s not enough. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, with some issues arising from Linda meddling too much in my parenting. Things became tense when I started my current relationship. I’ve been dating Ted (34M) for almost a year, and James and Linda have expressed their disapproval.
Ted and I don’t live together, and he has a daughter, Marie (4F), who lives with him. Linda has criticized everything, from Ted’s supposed “constant” presence in my house (which isn’t true—we see each other 3–4 times a week at most) to Marie having playdates and sleepovers with Clara. She even finds reasons to comment about Ted’s car parked outside my house.
Things escalated two weeks ago when I emailed Linda, James, and Ruth an invitation for Christmas Eve. Ted and I are hosting a get-together with our families and close friends.
I invited Clara’s grandparents to spend Christmas Eve with her but also offered them the option of taking her for lunch on Christmas Day. The next day, Linda texted me, saying they already planned to take Clara to their home for Christmas. I told her that wasn’t happening.
I didn’t hear from her for two days, and then Linda called, saying she had given me time to “cool off and be reasonable.” She stated they have rights over Clara and have waited too long to take her home for Christmas.
Now that Clara is older and able to travel without me, she said this was the time. I told her this was never discussed, and I wouldn’t allow it. Linda claimed this phone call was the “discussion” she referred to. I laughed and told her she was delusional.
The conversation quickly turned heated. I was accused of trying to replace Jack in Clara’s life, and I responded with comments about Jack never even meeting Clara, which, in hindsight, were cruel. Linda hung up on me, but James called shortly after, trying to “reason” with me.
During that call, he let it slip that they had purchased Clara’s plane tickets two months ago without consulting me. I firmly told him I wouldn’t let them walk all over me. James lost his temper and demanded I apologize to Linda or they would take me to court. I stood my ground, saying they were choosing to escalate the situation, not me.
After some silence, I was served with court papers. They are suing me for custody of Clara, claiming I’m unfit as a mother. I already have a lawyer, whom I consulted after our fight over the phone. She reassured me they have almost no chance of gaining custody and might only be granted visitation rights. Still, I’m worried about this becoming a prolonged legal battle.
Opinions in my life are divided. Some people believe I did nothing wrong by setting boundaries, while others think I should have let Clara travel with her grandparents for Christmas since they are good grandparents who care for her. Am I the A*^#ole?
Here are the top rated comments:
ChaoticCrashy says:
Absolutely NTA. Clara is your child. The idea of a 2 year old traveling without her mother is asinine. You were very kind to encourage their relationship with your daughter. However, they are taking things way too far.
They will not get custody. Do not allow them any contact with Clara- they want custody and may just take her. They are clear in what they want. Any further communication with them will be twisted and used against you. Congratulations on your new relationship. You deserve some happiness and peace.
OP responded:
I would never keep them away from her. Jack was a great guy and I do loved the idea that Clara have many people that love and cherish her. I was always closed to my grandparents and would not take this from them, until now.
ElsaUncovered says:
NTA. They bought plane tickets two months ago without asking you? That’s not planning ahead, that’s delusional travel agency energy. You are Clara’s mom and not some vacation rental they can book on Airbnb.
OP responded:
Exactly. That's what pissed me off the most, who does that with someone else's child? They act like Clara is their child, not mine.