'My daughter is sad because I attended my niece’s art showcase instead of her theater showcase. AITA?' UPDATED

"My daughter is sad because I attended my niece’s art showcase instead of her theater showcase. AITA?"

My daughter (15F) had her school’s winter showcase last weekend. It wasn’t a full play, but a collection of scenes and monologues from different performances that drama students had been working on. My daughter had a good role in one of the featured scenes and was really excited about it.

While she never outright asked me to be there, I knew it was important to her. The issue was that my niece (16F) had her first big art showcase that same night. My sister’s husband passed away when my niece was little, and since then I’ve stepped in where I can.

My niece is incredibly talented in painting, and this was her first time having her work displayed in a real gallery alongside other student artists. My niece made it clear leading up to the event that she really wanted me there. I had already told her beforehand that I couldn’t come because I was going to my daughter’s showcase, and while she said she understood, I could tell she was sad.

The night before the event however, she called me and broke down in tears telling me how much it would mean for her to have me there. She said she felt like this was one of the biggest moments of her life, and she wanted me to be proud of her the way a dad would be.

That completely shattered me. I felt like if I didn’t go, I would be letting her down in a way that would stay with her for a long time. So after the call, I spoke with my daughter and my wife, and asked them if I could go to my niece’s showcase, and they did give me the go ahead.

However, the day after the event, my daughter was really sad and upset. I did feel guilty, but also I did ask for permission from both her and my wife before I decided to go to my niece’s showcase. My wife however told me that I should have stuck to my original plan regardless, and that our daughter has even cried a few times since her showcase. AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

blueavole wrote:

Where was your sister? Where are any other family or friends? Did your niece really have two adults and your daughter had none? Was the exact same hours the only option for both? There wasn’t a second showing, or the gallery going display the art for a single night?

Did you even try to see the art in the afternoon and the play at night? YTA if you abandoned your daughter after promising, and tried absolutely nothing to make it work.

OP responded:

My sister was at the art showcase too, but my niece was still really emotional about me being at the event. She sees me as a father figure, and having me there specifically meant a lot to her. My wife and her friend did attend my daughter’s showcase; so my daughter wasn’t alone. But she was upset I wasn’t there.

The art gallery was going to be on display for a while, but the event itself, the opening night where students were there presenting their work, was just for that night. I really wished I could have attended both. If I could have attended one earlier in the day, and the other later, I absolutely would have.

DifferentZucchini3 wrote:

Do you have a habit of putting your niece before your wife and daughter?

HugeNefarious222 wrote:

So your niece wanted you there like a father would, but the child you are actually a father to isn't as important? That's what you told her.

Unique-Assumption619 wrote:

YTA. Your niece should never come before your daughter. You failed your daughter and are making it her fault because you “asked” for permission. What was she supposed to say? It’s clear your mind was made up since you even asked. Shame on you for putting your own daughter second.

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

Hey everyone,

So the past couple of weeks have not been easy. I understand what I did was not ok, and I truly didn’t get the depth of what my daughter was feeling until I had a long talk with her where she bared her feelings.

And when she cried and cried and cried, it really drove home that I was the one responsible for all this. However, I think yesterday was a really special day. My wife encouraged me to take our daughter out the whole day and make it special for her. So I did. We did a lot of fun things yesterday, went to a movie, shopping where I got her a bunch of gifts, lunch and dinner at a nice restaurant.

It was a really special day. And at the end of the day, when my daughter and I came back home, she hugged me for minutes. It was the first in a long time she did that, and it was really special. Now having said all that, I don’t think what my niece did was wrong at all. I was the one was wrong, not her.

She just wanted a father like figure to attend one of the most important days for her life. I met with my sister and her a couple days ago, and I told them that we had to be more discreet and also more empathetic to my daughter. I told them that we can still hang out, and we can still do fun things, but I can’t do it at the expense of my daughter anymore.

My sister and my niece were really open to it, and we actually had a great day and did a lot of fun things that evening. My sister and my niece are genuinely nice and empathetic people, and I couldn’t be luckier to have them in my life. I will still hang out with them, because both are really important to me. But if there’s a time conflict with my daughter in the future, I will choose my daughter first.

The internet kept sharing their thoughts.

Commercial-Loan-929 wrote:

Whoa, happy your niece has the father your daughter wish she had.

notyoureffingproblem wrote:

Please don't let your daughter known that you also took your niece the same day that you took her... it takes away the "special" if the day... it wasn't just for her.

LeslieJaye419 wrote:

If it were possible for a parent to cheat on their kid with another kid, this is what it would look like. Date night with the main one, then pop right on over to see the side one.