'AITA for saying it's weird for a parent to use their kid's phone to text other kids?'
"AITA for agreeing with my daughter it is weird her friend's mom has access to their conversations?"
Immediate-Phrase-999 writes:
My daughter is 14 years old and has a friend, "Chloe." She and Chloe have been friends for a little over a year now. Chloe's mom, "Gina," is someone I'd consider pretty strict. I was aware that she checked Chloe's phone (and I know a lot of parents do this), but I found out a few months ago through my daughter that she would respond through Chloe's phone to Chloe's friends, including my daughter.
It was never anything extreme—just "Chloe can't talk right now, she's busy with homework" or something similar. I thought this was odd but didn’t say anything to Gina about it because that’s her life and her business.
I got a call from Gina earlier this afternoon. She was very pissed off and told me that my daughter was rude, that I needed to start monitoring what she says, etc. I asked her what exactly happened, and she said my daughter gave her an attitude via text.
I was still very confused and asked why they were texting. Gina became exasperated and snapped, "Through Chloe's phone!!" I told her I'd call her back and then asked my daughter specifically what happened.
My daughter willingly showed me her texts. She had texted Chloe something. Gina had responded (using Chloe’s phone), saying Chloe was busy. My daughter replied, asking when Chloe would be available to talk. Gina told her, "When she's ready, stop texting her." My daughter replied, "You don't have to be so rude." Gina said she wasn’t being rude. My daughter said yes, she was, and also called her a weirdo for using Chloe’s phone.
I told my daughter that next time, just don’t engage. I also said it wasn’t kind to call someone a weirdo and not to do it again, but that I understood her frustration. I didn’t punish her—she seemed receptive to the talk, and I left it at that.
I called Gina back and told her I had spoken to my daughter and handled the problem. Gina started ranting that I needed to monitor my daughter's phone and asked if I had seen some of the things she talks about.
She brought up crushes, rants about teachers, and even mentioned times my daughter had badmouthed me when frustrated. I said that was all fine—I’d rather my daughter have a safe space to vent with her friends; after all, she’s a teenager.
Gina kept pressing the issue and demanding to know what would be done. I told her nothing—I spoke with my daughter and handled it. Gina said, "But she insulted an adult!" I told her I handled it, but my daughter also didn’t say anything that wasn’t true—Gina was acting like a weirdo.
Now Gina is angry with me. My daughter doesn’t care that I said all of this. However, my husband thinks that I shouldn’t have said it, as it didn’t solve anything and Gina can parent how she wants. I said I never commented on Gina’s parenting until she tried to undermine and insult mine. AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
Dense_Island_5120 writes:
NTA. But truthfully, Gina is psycho weird and seems obsessed to punish your daughter. Your daughter may think she has a safe space with her friend but Gina can manipulate what your daughter is saying. Gina can also impersonate your daughter’s friend and have her expose something personal.
Unfortunately, I wouldn’t let my daughter be close friends with this person. There is a big liability for your daughter to go to Gina’s home/ text her friend when the mother is constantly monitoring with psycho intentions.
OP responded:
It seems like Gina isn't going to allow Chloe to talk to my daughter anymore. Via text, anyway. My daughter feels confident they can still talk at school. So, hopefully, that'll cut coo-coo for Coco Puffs out of our lives.
WittyAndWeird writes:
NTA. If Chloe is busy she can just… not reply until she’s done. Gina replying on her behalf IS weird. Poor Chloe.
OP responded:
"If Chloe is busy she can just… not reply until she’s done."-Trust me, I asked this. And apparently, Gina has to step in or the friends keep texting and that's annoying for Gina (who has the phone).