'My daughter's wedding is too small and cheap.' AITA? 'She prioritized education.'

"AITA because my daughter prioritized education and downpayment on a house over a fancy wedding?"

AITA? Our oldest daughter is getting married this weekend, and I am hearing that IATA because her wedding is too small/cheap. We have three daughters. When they were little, my wife and I decided to give each of them a set amount of money to help them get started.

My wife calls it their "egg yolk." Enough to get them hatched, but after the shell cracks, they are on their own. Our goal was that the money should go towards college, a down payment on a home, and their wedding.

We provided them with the equivalent of the cost of four years of college at the state's flagship public university. They were expected to do well academically to earn scholarships and work where they could to make their money last longer.

Our oldest is getting married this weekend. She graduated with her master's degree this spring. Through scholarships and teaching private music lessons, she managed to stretch her money through graduate school and a down payment on a house they will close on in a couple of months.

Her husband graduated two years ago. He has been teaching in the public school during the day and teaching private lessons at night to save enough money to start graduate school this fall. In our state, the way teachers' salaries are calculated, there is a strong financial incentive to get one or more graduate degrees early in their careers.

It is crazy how many people are willing to share their opinion that the kid's wedding is "too small." Even though they are 25-year-old teachers who are debt-free and will soon own their own house. Maybe I am the A-hole, but I think they are prioritizing the right things.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Anxious_Alps_9340 said:

Someone who would comment that someone else's wedding is too small is just rude and should be ignored. I fail to see how your daughter having a "too small" wedding would make you an AH.

Lucky-Guess8786 said:

The people who are complaining want big and fancy, and a big open bar. The bride and groom could have chosen to elope but they were kind enough to invite family to share their love and nuptials. Good job to you and and your wife. The "egg yolk" is a great way to describe a nest egg.

esotwricenigma said:

NTA. The people who make you feel that way are. You’re doing the prudent thing. A wedding is one day. Debt can last a lifetime. You are teaching an extremely valuable lesson.

Familiar_Shock_1542 said:

NTA. It's no one else's business. Feel free to tell them so.

bluemercutio said:

NTA it's their wedding, they get to celebrate how they want. The people complaining to you, what the are actually saying is "I want you to pressure your child into having the wedding I want". And when you put it that way, it's even more obvious how ridiculous that is.

BerneDoodleLover24 said:

NTA - congratulations on raising a very sensitive and smart daughter. We have married also small and modest and have been married for almost 30 years now. What people pay for Weddings is crazy!

After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:

After rereading the post, I can fully accept that it came across as a brag. Ironically, I didn't mean it that way. Everywhere I look, it seems people are complaining about their student debt and the fact that young people can't afford homes.

My neighborhood is full of boats and giant pick-up trucks that have never hauled more than a couple of bags of mulch from the garden center. They throw giant one-day weddings for their kids that could have paid for a year of college...but now they complain that their kids can't make the minimum payment on their student loans.

It drives me nuts. The complaints are mainly from family members who thought the wedding should be a giant extravaganza instead of casual clothes in the shelter house of a local arboretum, catered by a BBQ restaurant.

The open bar is cans of beer and soda in a water trough full of ice. That is the kids style (cheap but fun) so that is how they wanted to celebrate their wedding.